The internet has had a huge impact on how we have sex. One facet of this is it makes it much easier to meet people. People go to chat sites, instant messaging sites, and video chat services looking for different things. Some go looking for love as with sites like Match and Eharmony. Some are looking for friendship, and there are a multitude of chat sites that allow users to connect with those of similar interests. For some, however, the internet is a way to connect with other users sexually. For some, these interactions are simply the precursor to real life interactions, or a way to meet sexual needs in a long distance relationship. Others are only interested in carrying out these interactions online.
What Is Cybersex?
Cybersex can be used to describe any sexual act where the users are in different places and communicating about having sex. This can include explicit text messages, nude photos, and cam chatting about sex. There are also online role playing games where people engage in cybersex as avatars. Some people masturbate during cybersex, while some wait until they are don chatting and then give themselves release. Cybersex is essentially the 21st century equivalent of phone sex.
Texting and E mails
One way to engage in cybersex is through text messages or e mails. Many people feel that they can say whatever they want through messages, because they are looking at a screen instead of another person. For those that are shy or socially challenged, this may be the best way to experience cyber sex. Another word for this activity is sexting.
In the book 50 shades of gray, the love interests engage in sexting via e mails. They write some very steamy and suggestive messages to each other, and the shy Anna Steele gains confidence. Text sex can be a great precursor to other methods of cybersex. It can also help you and your partner get to know each other and what each of you likes. If you are just seeking sexual gratification, you can masturbate while texting.
This may seem completely safe, but like anything else, there is some risk involved. When you send these sexy messages to someone, you don’t know if anyone else will see them. If you are in a long distance relationship, the chances of them showing your dirtiest thoughts to others are much less than if it is a random stranger. You can also use sexting as a way to keep your relationship with your significant other fresh and steamy. Getting your partner all hot and bothered at work will almost certainly lead to some hot steamy sex when they get home.
Chat rooms can be a fun way to connect with people with similar interests. There are many chat rooms out there. You can find one for just about any topic imaginable. Many people use chat rooms to find people to sext with. There are two different types of chat rooms. The first is chat rooms designed for general chatting.
General Chat Rooms
Normal chat rooms are usually grouped by some interest or age. You can find them divided by age, taste in music, those looking for love, geographic location and many other interests. There are specific rules of etiquette in chat rooms, just as there are in real life.
Chat Room Etiquette
First, you will have to find “your” chat room. You may have to explore a few different rooms before you find one where you feel like you fit in. It may be helpful to “lurk” at first and just watch other people’s conversations. This will give you a feel for the room and what it is like. Each room tends to have its own character, just like social groups in the real world.
When you find a chat room you like, introduce yourself. Be friendly and ask how everyone is doing. Hopefully some people will respond, and then you can address them by their screen name.
Learning emojis can be very helpful, especially if you are trying to flirt. While they will differ some from one chat room to another, here is a general list. You should be able to find a more detailed list on the chat site of your choice. A smiley face with its tongue sticking out or blowing a kiss can be a great way to gauge someone’s interest. If they respond in kind, keep going.
Do not type in all caps unless you are yelling, which you probably shouldn’t be. Using it occasionally for dramatic effect or humor is ok, but don’t make a habit of it.
When you find someone that seems interested in talking to you, the next step is to p.m. them. Start off with friendly conversation, and then throw in some sexual innuendo. If they give you a sexy or flirty response, then you can move on to more graphic conversation.
Chat Rooms Devoted to Cybersex
You may choose to forgo the regular chat rooms where you are trying to guess if the person you want to talk to is interested in a dirty conversation for a chat site devoted to cybersex. Sites like Isexychat and wireclub offer free chat rooms devoted to sexting and cybersex.
Etiquette For Sex Chat Rooms
While sex chat rooms differ greatly from regular chat rooms, there are still some basic rules you need to follow. Breaking these rules can get you banned from the chat room or site. Some sites allow webcam chat and allow you to give personal information to those you are chatting with. Others specifically forbid it, so make sure it is ok before you do so. Be polite. Just because people are interested in sex chat doesn’t mean they want your first comment to them to be “I want to…”. Say hi first and be respectful. See if the person is interested before you jump into sex talk.
Most sites don’t allow anyone under 18, or any conversation about sex with someone under 18 for obvious reasons. Understand the room. Some chat sites have rooms specifically devoted to fetishes like bdsm, golden showers, and even family fun. If these specialty rooms are available, go there instead of the regular rooms if that is what you are interested in. Some people may find certain things offensive, even in a sex chat room. If it is a taboo subject, take it to the room designated for that or engage in the conversation in p.m.
Of course the next step in your sexual internet exploration is pictures or a webcam. First let’s talk about pictures. If you are engaging in text sex on your phone, private chat, or email, you may enjoy sending and receiving dirty pictures. Be warned. While it may seem like sexy innocent fun, once someone has your picture, they can do anything they want with it. So make sure it is someone you feel you can trust before sending them an intimate picture.
That being said, it can be a huge turn on for men and women to receive a naughty picture, especially in the middle of sexting. Seeing the effect you are having on the other person is hot. Of course, there is no guarantee that picture is actually them either.
Dirty Picture Etiquette
First, make sure the other person actually wants to see what you’ve got. Sending an unannounced nude to someone you’ve just started talking to is extremely rude and may turn them off altogether. Simply ask “would you like to see what you are doing to me right now” and wait for a response. If they don’t respond or change the subject, then please take that as a no.
Try not to include your face or anything else that could be used to identify you unless you trust the person implicitly. This means someone you know in real life, not someone you’ve been chatting with for a week. Things that could be used to identify you may also include tattoos, birthmarks, or scars, especially if it is someone who knows you or the people you associate with in real life.
Watch the background. Nothing ruins a sexy picture like a very unsexy background. No one wants to see your bathroom toilet. Again, certain things in the background could be used to identify you as well. So be as conscious of what is in the background of your pic as you are what is in the foreground.
Cheaters beware. Sending pictures and sexting is excellent foreplay for real life action. However, if you are cheating on your significant other, there is always a chance your sexting partner could show your significant other the picture you sent them. So be careful.
Here is where the hottest action goes down. This is also what most people think of when they hear the word cybersex. This involves using your computer or smartphone to video chat with someone. In regards to cybersex, you may masturbate together or watch each other masturbate one at a time. You may simply engage in sexy talk about what you would like to do to them. This type of activity is for people who are comfortable with their body and their sexualitiy. If you are a bit of an exhibitionist, you are sure to enjoy it. Sites like Tinychat have video chat rooms devoted to cybersex. You can also use services like Skype or Facebook Messenger to talk to specific people via video chat.
There is a whole sex industry devoted to cam chatting. You can find all sorts of different sites devoted to webcam girls online. In this situation, you view the girl on your screen but she can’t see you. You can type to her, however. These sites usually charge. You may be able to get a free “tease show” but you generally have to pay for a private group or exclusive session to watch her get down and dirty. Many of these girls take requests, and many of them have specific fetishes or specialties they focus on. There are two different types of “paid shows” for webcam girls. You can have a group private chat where the girl removes her clothes and probably masturbates. You may request things using the chat feature, but you aren’t guaranteed to get what you ask for because there are other people asking for things as well. The other option is to pay extra to have a truly private session. In these sessions there is no one else in the room, so all of the girl’s attention is focused on you.
Chaturbate takes horny webcam chat to the next level. The people who do “shows” are called broadcasters. Sign up is free. However, most broadcasters require a certain number of “tokens” to start their show. Tokens are donated by members wanting to see the show. You can find men, women, couples, and even transgender people on this site all willing to put on a steamy show for you. You are allowed to tip them as well. Just like a strip club, the more you tip, the better your show will be. Members buy tokens, and can then give them to the broadcaster to get them to put on a show, or just to tip them. You are also allowed to chat via text while the show is going on, so you can tell them how much you are enjoying yourself or make a request. Some broadcasters also do small group shows. In this scenario they charge a certain number of coins to gain access, or charge by the minute. Group shows are usually between two to five people.
The site also offers private chat. Other users can pay to “peep” the show, but they aren’t capable of interacting with the broadcaster.
How much do people make on chaturbate? Interestingly, the top earners tend to be couples. They can literally make 1,000s of dollars in a day. Next you have solo females. Some of them also make 1,000s per day, but most make between $100 and $1,000 a day.
Omegle will randomly pair you with someone to chat with. While there isn’t supposed to be any profanity or nudity, quite a bit of it goes on in the unmoderated chat. In the moderated chat, they try to keep it clean. You can chat with text or video, and it is a great way to meet someone new.
This site is making a serious effort to clean up its act. It uses an automated feature to flag inappropriate content. It is then reviewed by real people, and the offending users are banned.
The Fascinating Story of Harper and Max
Harper and Max met on OkCupid in 2011. Six months later, Max moved to Washington to be with Harper. Max couldn’t find a job he liked, so the couple began camming on the website Live Jasmin in an effort to make some money. Livejasmin requires its members to sit and wait until a user paid enough for a private show. This means either lots of waiting or trying really hard to get people’s attention. The site also has lots of rules about what you can and can’t do on camera. The site also required its users to “act like cam models” which means they had to be sugary sweet and catering to their client’s desires.
This wasn’t Max and Harper’s style. They wanted their show to be “Wayne’s World with tits”. In 2013, they found Chaturbate. Chaturbate had very few rules, so Max and Harper were free to do whatever they wanted. Harper could sit at Starbucks sipping a latte and reveal her breasts to the camera. They could conduct an endurance test where they saw how long Max could keep his penis in ice water. Their broadcasts were theirs to do with as they pleased, and judging by their following, the fans were pleased as well. They amassed about 37,00 followers. Half of their followers joined during their first two months, bringing them a sort of underground internet fame.
The money started rolling in, and Max and Harper decided to live the lifestyle of a wandering gypsy. They called it “fucking in fifty”. They bought a van with their earnings from chaturbate and left behind all the material possessions that they felt were tying them down.
The couple that began their journey looking like models for Abercrombie changed their appearance as well as their lifestyle. Max grew his beard and his hair long. Harper got her nipples pierced and let her hair grow long and natural as well. They lived on the fringes of society, hacking into Wifi accounts and getting food from food banks.
They decided to winter in the warm climate of Mexico. In a cheap Mexican hotel room, Max and Harper’s dreams seemed to clash with harsher reality. All their equipment, including their laptops, were stolen. A fan who had promised them their own website got arrested for illegal activities. In February of 2014, they wrote on their blog that they were stuck in Mexico with only a few hundred dollars to their name. “Fucking in Fifty” was officially over. Max wrote “I sought to build myself a pleasant future and once again I seem to have only succeeded in building myself a cage”.
Their loyal fan base came to the rescue and got Harper and Max back to the United States. They ended up in Idaho. They roomed with a friend they had met on another site called Fetlife, a social networking site for those into sex fetishes. They helped their friend start a business making custom made spanking paddles.
Chaturbate changed the rules. They no longer allow broadcasting sexual content from public places. Harper and Max were used to broadcasting everywhere from hayfields to McDonald’s bathrooms, so this was a deal breaker for them. They were also tired of the unpredictability of the income.
They found a new home on the site Clips 4 Sale. The site caters to obscure fetishes, and they make clips and sell them. They seem content doing everything from foot fetish videos to Harper doing things in an apron.
Max and Harper find that they can no longer define “sex”. Technology has blurred the lines of what is sex and what isn’t. Social media, cam sites, and even online dating all seem to bring sex into new arenas. If you are mutually masturbating with someone on video chat, are you having a form of sex with them?
As technology continues to grow and the generation who grew up taking it for granted gets older, I suspect that the line will blur even more. People will become more accepting of those like Max and Harper. Online dating was once an obscure and risky (or at least perceived to be) practice. Now it is an accepted way to meet your next lover or even your future spouse.
Many people love the idea of virtual sex. They see it as much less risky than sex in real life. Some are simply more comfortable on camera than they are meeting someone face to face. No worries about things like rape or STDs. The internet offers a safe place for everyone who is willing to “come”, right?
While cybersex doesn’t involve the physical risks involved with traditional sex, it does have risks of its own. It also raises questions about the long term effects of this type of sexual stimulation without the physical contact of another person.
Studies show that one third of internet traffic is devoted to some form of cybersex. For the majority of users this offers them a place for occasional sexual gratification. However, cybersex addiction is becoming an epidemic. For those that become addicted, it is compared to heroin. What starts out as a recreational activity quickly takes over their lives. These users spend hours each day engaged in some form of cybersex. They either don’t realize they have a problem or aren’t willing to admit it until life as they know it is in jeopardy. Many people are on the verge of losing their marriage or even their jobs before they finally begin to seek help for their problem.
A doctor at Stanford, Dr. Al Cooper, calls cybersex the crack cocaine of sexual addiction. He conducted the largest survey done on the matter, which included over 9,000 participants. The survey indicated that over one third of the participants had visited some sort of sex site, and 1% were seriously addicted.
Part of the problem seems to be that the addiction isn’t taken seriously by many in the medical community. It is becoming a hidden epidemic. Even when people seek therapy, many times the therapists fail to recognize that cybersex addiction is at the heart of the problem.
Why Is It So Addicting?
The act of cybersex releases endorphins, which are the brain’s feel good chemicals. This of course leads the person to want to engage in the activity again, because it makes them feel happy. Some develop a conditioned response to the computer as a result of their addiction. Just like a drug addict can feel a “high” from getting ready to do their drug of choice, some cybersex addicts become sexually excited simply by seeing a computer or turning it on.
This makes it very difficult to treat, especially if the person works with a computer. As with any other addiction, the user may become used to the stimulation after a while. This means they will eventually seek more risky behaviors or engage in fetishes to get the same “high” they first felt.
Effects on Families
One woman who discovered her husband was having cybersex after 14 years of marriage wrote “Our bed is now crowded with countless faceless strangers, where once we were intimate.” Many parents were concerned that their partners were engaging in cybersex when they were supposed to be watching their children. Children can also walk in on a parent having cybersex, or they can find it on their parents computer when they are using it.
Effect of Technology On Relationships
While cybersex addiction is a concern, only a small portion of internet users suffer its ill effects. What about the rest of us? Has our access to different forms of communication affected how we interact with each other?
Social media, chat sites, online dating, and even the cam sites all offer some form of social interaction. Many times the people we are interacting with are people we never would have met otherwise. This can broaden our view of the world, give us more friends, and even help us find the right romantic partner. Has it changed how we interact with each other as well? Is all this technology making us more connected, or making us more isolated?
Using Electronic Communication For Difficult Conversations
Has anyone ever broken up with you in a text? Have you found yourself saying something in a message that you would find very difficult to express face to face? Most people don’t like confrontation, and view this as an easier way to have difficult conversations. The problem is that you can’t see the effect your words are having on the other person. This makes it easier, but it also makes you less likely to feel empathy for the other person.
Replacing Human Interactions
Many people also substitute online relationships for real life ones. This can be incredibly isolating. Receiving compliments or being perceived as funny or popular online can release those happy chemicals we all love, but it can’t replace the connection we get from face to face interactions. No amount of emojis will ever mean as much as a hug when you are down and out.
Psychological Effects of Human Touch
We are designed to need and crave human touch. When we don’t get it, it has a psychological impact on our lives. Children who receive less physical interaction are more likely to become violent adults according to one study. Touch also bonds people together. When people touch, oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is also released during orgasm and breastfeeding. Also called the love hormone, oxytocin helps facilitate trust and love between individuals.
It has been found that NBA teams who touch each other more win more games. Does this imply that touch is necessary or beneficial to success?
Touch can also be beneficial to your health. It actually strengthens your immune system. It has also been found that people with serious diseases have a greater chance of survival if their doctor makes eye contact and pats them on the back.
Touch impacts learning as well. When teachers touch students in a platonic way, they are three times more likely to talk in class. Students who get a pat on the hand when returning a library book are more likely to continue reading and return to the library.
Touch also lowers stress levels. On study conducted an mri on participants and told them they may receive a mild shock as part of the test. When holding hands with one of the doctors, the stress levels in the brain decreased. When holding hands with their spouse, their stress levels were significantly lower.
Cybersex in Relationships
For some, however, long distance relationships make it hard to spend time with their partner. In today’s hyper connected world, what is a couple to do but cam up? Cybersex or even sexting can be beneficial to keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship. Just remember, you do need some sort of human touch to stay healthy, even if it is a platonic hug from a friend or a family member. You should also see your significant other for some real life tlc whenever possible.
Cybersex for couples isn’t just restricted to long distance relationships, however. Dirty texts, pictures, or even cybersex can be great for spicing up your relationship. It may also be a great way to explore sexual fantasies you aren’t comfortable actually doing in person. For example, you may really enjoy the fantasy of being tied up and spanked, but find the reality of it isn’t for you. The world of cybersex or sexually explicit texting allows you and your partner to fully engage in the fantasy, without having to actually perform it.
You do need to be clear about what you would like to stay in fantasy and what you would be willing to try in reality, however. If you send your partner a steamy text saying “I want you to do this…” don’t be surprised when they try to do it if you don’t make it clear it’s just fantasy play.
It is a great way to dip your toes into the water of sexual fantasies or even fetishes. You may find it easier to bring up something you would like to try in bed when you aren’t having a face to face conversation. It is also a great way to find out what turns you and your partner on. You can also engage in taboo acts that you would never be comfortable doing in real life. People have all different sorts of turns ons and fetishes, and some of them are best left in the fantasy realm.
Second life is quite literally like having a virtual life. It is much like a Massive Multiplayer Role Playing Game (MMORPG) however it differs from them in the traditional sense because it isn’t a game with a set objective. It is a virtual world where you can meet new people, buy or rent land, and buy and sell goods. You can get a free membership, or you can pay for premium membership that has extra perks.
Users create an avatar. Your avatar can be a human, animal, vegetable, mineral, or any customization of these elements. Some people choose to look much like they do in real life, while other choose extremely abstract forms that defy easy classification.
Users within a certain distance of each other can chat, and other users nearby can hear and join in on the conversation. Users can also create groups that can talk to each other in a private chat, or instant message another user to chat privately one on one.
Second Life has its own economy which seems to be booming. Its currency, the Linden dollar, can be exchanged for real money. Most of the money made in Second Life goes to pay for fees for land and premium membership, however. There are all sorts of goods and services exchanged on Second Life. Land, art, clothing, labor, and buildings are just a few of the things that are bought and sold on the site. For the month of February in 2009 about 200 users made over $5,000. Most of the people who made any sort of profit made less than $10. Still the concept of the virtual economy seems to be part of the fun of Second Life.
Many colleges and government entities use Second Life for educational purposes. Whether they create virtual classrooms or use it to create virtual reality examples of what they are teaching their students, the educational applications are only as limited as the minds of the educators.
In a similar fashion, the platform is used for scientific research, collaboration, and 3d modeling.
Artists also use Second Life. They can have art exhibits, live concerts, poetry readings, and even live theatre performances. This gives many people an audience for their artform they would never be able to gain in the real world.
Many companies use Second Life to create a virtual workplace. They can conduct meetings, training sessions, and even prototype new products without the costs associated of doing so in the real world.
Churches have also found a place inside Second Life. There are several Christian churches and at least one Islamic church in Second Life that hold regular services. There are also groups for humanists, atheists, and those who consider themselves free thinkers.
Second Life has many different “worlds” devoted to role playing. You can find everything from science fiction to medieval Europe. The worlds all have their own specific rules for conduct, and users can be kicked out of the world for not following them. Some worlds also allow battles between members. Some of the battles are scripted, and some work more like dice or card games.
Relationships are a big part of Second Life. Users can have sex, get married, and even live together. Some have real life partners, and the results can be disastrous if their partner discovers their virtual affair. Others, though, find true real life love through the platform.
For many of its users, Second Life is much more than a game. It is very real to them, as are the relationships they form there. One couple met and quickly formed a relationship on Second Life. They only lived 80 miles from each other, so they eventually decided to bring their relationship to the real world. They moved in together three weeks later, and are now engaged to be married. They are also planning on having a Second Life wedding. There are so many weddings in Second Life that they even held a bridal show with over 40 vendors.
Another couple who took their Second Life relationship to the real world decided to open a Second Life wedding planning business to “offer different wedding packages that are affordable to all residents”. There seem to be many stories of couples finding real life love on the platform, which speaks to how real the world and the relationships they have there are to them.
Sex in Second Life
Many users love engaging in virtual sex in Second Life. However, just like in real life, getting laid takes a certain amount of effort.
First you have to get genitalia. The avatars do not come with genitals. You can get free versions, but they aren’t nearly as attractive as those bought with currency. According to users, it does matter what it looks like. Even in virtual reality, no one wants to see ugly genitals. Some people even invest in talking genitals, though personally I find that thought more scary than sexy. You also want an attractive avatar if you want to get lucky.
Now that you have your sexy avatar and genitalia, you are ready to mingle. You must make an effort to seduce someone. Just as in real life walking up and saying “hey wanna fuck” will probably get you slapped. Start chatting, ask them out on a date, and bring up cybersex at the appropriate time.
When you are ready to “do the deed” you are going to need animations. There are a few ways you can get these. There are adult areas where “furniture” which provide the animation is provided for you, or you can buy furniture and place it in your home. You can also get sex huds. The more expensive ones will give you smooth transitions and realistic graphics with options for customization.
There are also worlds devoted to specific fetishes including bdsm, multiple partners, age play, and many other taboo fetishes. If you don’t want to go through all the trouble of finding a willing partner, you can always hire a second life escort that is willing to cater to your specific fetish.