Free Sex CONTENTS

 

People love to have sex. They have since the beginning of time, and I’m sure they will til the end of time (or beyond) as well. Many women these days are just as promiscuous as men. I happen to be a female, and I can tell you that I enjoy sex every bit as much as a man does. There is still somewhat of a double standard where sex is concerned, but promiscuous women aren’t viewed with the same level of disdain as in decades past.

If you have ever wondered about swinging, promiscuity, hooking up, one night stands, or anything else relating to “free sex”, I’m here to answer all your questions. You will find a mix of personal and anecdotal experience as well as research. Prepare to have your mind blown as we explore the world of free sex together.

Free sex activists

Sex: A Brief History

Society has always tried to put limitations on sex. Be it religion or just social disapproval, having sex freely has been frowned on by most societies. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Sex of any kind was considered something that happened behind closed doors, and free sex was a dirty secret that it was in the participants best interest to keep. How did we get from there to where we are today?

If you think back to most societies throughout history, survival was much harder than it is today. They had to hunt, gather or grow their food. They had to find places to get water. Add to that the prevalence of disease and the lack of sanitation and personal hygiene, it’s no wonder sex wasn’t that high on their priority list.

The Late 1800’s

The Industrial Revolution led to a revolution in many other areas. Women began working in the same jobs as men. While a few women worked outside of the home prior to the Industrial Revolution, it became much more common. This led to women having much more freedom and independence. It also led to men and women spending lots of time together, which of course led to more of them doing other things. Having a child out of wedlock was still viewed as taboo, so the age to get married was lowered. Advances in medicine led to more women and children surviving childbirth. Other advances, including the smallpox vaccine, meant more children survived to adulthood.

Even with these advances, life was hard. Working conditions were poor and hours were long. Many people drank to relieve their stress, This of course led to reduced inhibitions and more sex.

Technology was advancing as well. The invention of electricity and running water made life easier. It also made grooming much easier, and people started focusing on hygiene and looks as it became easier to survive.

The 1920’s

The 1920’s can be viewed as the first sexual revolution, at least in America. Female sexuality came into its own. This may have been the birth of the “culture wars”. On one side you had flappers. These young ladies dressed in very flashy and skimpy dresses. They openly flaunted their sexuality. They dared to go to nightclubs and dance and drink with men.

On the other side, you had the moral purists who were scandalized by flappers and the eroding of their moral society. In fact, these strict moralists were what gave rise to the flapper. With women’s rights giving women more and more equality and autonomy, women had much more freedom to choose who they wanted to be. There was a lot of pressure on young women to behave like proper ladies. To dress, speak, and act the same way their mothers did. So they did what any normal young person would. They rebelled.

Media

The 1920’s also gave rise to the erotic novel. Newspapers said they were pornographic and vile, which I imagined helped the sales of these books instead of hurt them. Men were expected to have certain needs, and they needed “safe” ways to meet those needs. Much better for a man to be masturbating to a book than sleeping with the girl next door. The idea that women were reading these books, however, was almost too much for the more pious members of society to bear.

Movies were also invented at this time. With movies came movie stars and the first sex symbols. While these black and white movies didn’t have anything remotely like the sex scenes in today’s movies, they did have overt sexual undertones. The women were beautiful, the men were handsome, and they clearly wanted to have sex. You could see it in their smoldering looks, their touches, and the occasional kiss.

Censorship

A 1922 film called Manslaughter actually provoked movie censorship. His film involved orgies and lesbianism. Of course these terrible acts were the result of drug induced hallucinations. The Supreme Court of the time decided that movies weren’t entitled to free speech. This decision still stands today, and it is the reason why movies have ratings.

Stag Films

There were also porn films in this era. They were called stag films, and were usually for men only. These films were illegal due to the censorship laws of the time, so they were usually produced anonymously.

The Free Love Era of the 1960’s

The 1960’s were revolutionary on many fronts. As the civil rights movement picked up steam, women also demanded equal treatment. They started challenging the traditional roles they were expected to fit into. Suddenly the meek housewife of the 1950s turned into a free love pot smoking flower child. What caused such a radical change in society? Such a huge moral shift? Such a change in the roles men and women were expected to play?

The Pill

The pill was in no way the only catalyst for the sexual revolution like moral conservatives of the time claimed, but it did have a big impact. In 1966 the magazine U.S. News and World Report ran a feature on the pill and morality. They asked “Can its availability to all women of childbearing age lead to sexual anarchy?”

While the birth control pill had been invented, that didn’t mean everyone had access to it. Up until 1965, many states had banned its sale and use, even among married couples. In 1965, the Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny the pill to married couples because it violated their right to privacy. In 1972, they extended the ruling to apply to unmarried women as well, making birth control available to everyone.

Women now had access to birth control. This meant they could have sex without worrying about getting pregnant. Before the pill, if a woman got pregnant, she and the man were expected to get married. This made sex a huge commitment. The pill meant women could lower their standards. They weren’t taking a chance on being stuck with the man they had sex with for the rest of their life.

Free Sex Dangers STD’s

From 1964-1968 the rate of STDs in California increased by 165%. It increased across the rest of the country as well, but California had the highest concentration of communes. Prior to the 1960’s, Syphillis, Ghonorea, and HPV were the only common STDs. Syphillis and Ghonorea could be treated with penicillin. While some strains of HPV cause genital warts, most strains increase a woman’s risk of cervical cancer. Herpes became common in the 1960s. It can be managed, but it can’t be cured. It causes lesions on the genitals. Since the AIDS epidemic was still decades away, unprotected sex wasn’t viewed the same way it is today. The advent of the pill and the fact that many STDs could be cured allowed young people to view sex as much less risky than it is today.

Equal rights, the pill, and the low risk of contracting a fatal disease from sex set the stage for the “free love” era, but the sexual revolution had been a long time coming. In the 1920’s only 10% of women had actually had sex before marriage. By the mid fifties, the number had climbed to 40%, but it was still considered taboo. 87% of people believed it was wrong for a woman to have sex before marriage, even if the couple was planning to get married in the future. By 1960, half of the unmarried 19 year old women were virgins.

1980’s

The effects of the sexual revolution can be seen in the 1980s. Now only 20% of women were virgins when they got married. 75% of girls had sex before they were 19. When the pill became legal for everyone, many women began to delay marriage and having children in favor of starting a career. The number of women going to college soared, and women gained better economic status. Unfortunately, sex wasn’t as safe as it once was.

Aids

Aids was discovered in 1981. It was first believed to be a disease that only affected gay men, or those who engaged in anal intercourse. In 1983, cases began to appear in heterosexual individuals. This is also when the routes of transmission were recognized. Sexual education became more important as it became more dangerous, and a new sexual revolution was underway. The safe sex one.

Safe Free Sex Revolution

Once again the more pious members of society cried out for moral purity. The debate raged about what children should be taught in schools. Conservative people wanted their children to be taught that abstinence was the only way to avoid the potential dangers of sex, while more liberal individuals wanted children to know about reproduction as well as safe sex.

Having attended school in the 90’s myself, I remember being taught about sexual reproduction in science class. Our sexual education began in 6th grade science class when we were taught about sperm, eggs, and how fertilizing an egg makes a baby. “Just Say No” was all the rage as authority figures strove to educate children all about the dangers of drugs.

I remember knowing about sex and STD’s, pregnancy, and condoms, but I can’t remember where the information came from. I am sure it came from society and not my mother. By the time she got around to trying to explain it, I already knew more than she cared to tell me. I do remember growing up that abstinence was the expectation in my household. My mother never offered to put my on the pill, and I wanted to “save myself for marriage”. My religious beliefs made me want to wait for marriage. Fear of getting pregnant and “ruining my future” kept me from giving in.

I began having sex when I was 19 years old. We were already engaged, and we had been dating for years. My first would later become my husband. I had been through one year of college, and I decided to drop out and go to work. I think that was why I finally gave in to my desire. After the first time, we went and bought condoms. I remember buying them the first time was extremely embarrassing to me. Years later, when I began experimenting sexually, I wondered if waiting was the right choice.

AIDS Changed Sexual Education Forever

In 1986 the U.S. Surgeon General stated what everyone already knew. Sexual education had become a matter of life and death. Most schools were already teaching children about the dangers of sex by this time, but his declaration led to more talk about details that were considered taboo, including sexual acts like intercourse and anal sex. He also recommended starting sexual education as early as grade 3. There was still debate over how much to tell when, and what role abstinence should play in the discussion, but it was clear children had to be educated.

Free Sex: Female promiscuity?

 

There is still somewhat of a double standard when it comes to promiscuity, but today’s society is fairly accepting of women who like to get laid. The subject is still plagued by myths, and many women don’t like to admit to having frequent no strings attached dalliances, but the fact is women enjoy having sex as much as men. While some women need some sort of an emotional connection with a man before they have sex with them, there is a growing number of women who enjoy the excitement of new partners. An Oxford study found that 57% of men and 47% of women have cheated on a partner. Some studies show an even smaller gender gap.

Hollywood

It’s interesting that Hollywood is considered to be very progressive and liberal these days, yet their portrayal of women is often skewed. Yes there are a few movies where the star is a promiscuous woman. Pretty Woman is one example. Yet the “happy ending” always comes when the woman finds the man of her dreams and settles down into domestic monogamous bliss. Of course the same thing can be said for the films where the man is promiscuous. Is monogamy the only way to live happily ever after? Or is this just another lie Hollywood continues to sell us. A growing number of people claim to be happy in non monogamous relationships these days, but that is something we never see on the big screen.

What is Considered Promiscuous?

The interesting thing is what one person considers promiscuous another might consider tame. When you date someone new, the question always comes up eventually. How many people have you slept with? I’ll be honest here, I stopped keeping an exact count at about 35, but my number is somewhere around 50. Does that make me a slut? I suppose it depends on who you ask. That’s not the only question that comes up though. Have you had a 3some? A 4some? Group sex? Anal? How many times. What were there names, addresses, and social security numbers? It seems that as sexually liberated as we are supposed to be today, we are still obsessed with past sexual history, especially if you are a woman.

Want to look down on me because of my sexual experiences? Go ahead. My husband doesn’t mind my history, because he understands my past is my past, and that my future is with him, and him alone. Yes I’ve heard that saying that you can’t turn a ho into a housewife. It’s 100% true. It’s also true that a woman who has had diverse sexual experiences and decided she has had her fill of them is more likely to actually settle down than the sexually repressed woman who has always wondered what it would be like to experiment.

Am I proud of every single sexual act I’ve ever done? No. Are you? There are some people, places, and things that I wouldn’t do if I had a do over. I have made some mistakes, but for the most part I don’t regret my experiences. They helped shape the woman I am today. They also taught me that for me personally, multiple partners and sexual excitement could never fill the emptiness in my life. Having someone whom I love enough to not want anyone else, whom I loved enough to have a child with, fills my heart and soul with joy. That doesn’t mean monogamy is for everyone. That doesn’t mean that doing every sexual act under the sun is for everyone either.

It does mean that no one deserves to have their morals or their value as a person reduced to a number, no matter how high or low it is.

More Than A Number

Personally I think numbers should be taken out of the definition of promiscuity altogether. I have a much better definition. These are the things that truly make you “promiscuous, slutty, a dog, or a ho”. Guys these go for you as well. This list isn’t meant to offend, but these things have much more bearing on your sexual morality than a number. I’m not judging, but I am being real. I have done many things on this list, and yes, at the time, I was acting like a ho.

Stealing someone else’s partner

If someone is dating someone else, and you go after them (assuming you know they are taken) you are a ho. Not only that you deserve to be beaten up when they find out.

Dressing Like a Slut

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, but if your cookies are on display for my husband to see, we are going to have a problem. You are also setting a bad example for other girls. The media sells us the lie that we have to show everything we have to look sexy. Ladies THIS IS NOT TRUE. It is a good way to find a guy who will use you for sex and then toss you. If ya look like trash, expect to be treated like trash.

Lying About Your Intentions

There ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. Want to have a one night stand? Great. Go get ya some, but don’t lie to do it. Women and men are both guilty of lying about their intentions. Do not tell someone you love them to get in their pants. There are plenty of people who will have casual sex if that is what you are looking for. Ladies, sometimes we are guilty of going along with casual sex hoping it will lead to a relationship. This is wishful thinking and has no bearing on reality. If you want a relationship, find someone who wants a relationship too. They are out there. Don’t be on Ashley Madison hoping to land an E Harmony relationship. It ain’t happening.

Cheating

Dishonesty is never a good idea, and cheating is a serious betrayal that could ruin your relationship. If you aren’t ready for monogamy, be up front about it. You may be surprised at the number of people who are open to open relationships.

The Best Friend

The only time it is ok to sleep with the best friend of your partner is a drunken 3some. Other than that the best friend is off limits. Even if you break up, doing the best friend is tacky. (Although it does make for some great revenge).

Having Sex For Material Gain

If you are having sex with someone for material gain, you are a ho. Guys this goes for you to. If you are pretending to like someone but not sleeping with them for material gain, you are even worse. You are a ho who doesn’t put out. I know some people were tell you women have to use whatever they have to get ahead in this world. Believing that means you honestly believe you are less than a man, and sex is the only equalizer you have. You are better than that.

Family Members

Step parents and step brothers and sisters may not be your blood relation, but they are still off limits. Your family now. Please act like it. This also goes for the family members of your significant other. You know better. Read your kinky step brother sex books if you want, but leave it at that.

Free Sex Promiscuity

Myths About Promiscuity

Like anything else involving sex, promiscuity is shrouded in myth and legend. It’s time to find out about the top myths, and the truths, about females who sleep around.

Promiscuous Women Have STDs

Many people believe that the more people you have sex with, the greater the odds you have an STD. While this is true to a small extent, safety has a much greater impact than numbers here. The fact is you are more likely to use protection in a casual encounter than with someone you love. Sexually adventurous women are usually also better educated about sex, and more likely to get tested for STDs on a regular basis. If you are in a monogamous relationship, there is a good chance you aren’t using protection. Especially if you both got tested when you got together. If your partner cheats on you, then you have a good chance of catching and STD even though you are monogamous.

Enjoying Sex Means You Are Available For Anyone

I’ve experienced this one myself. I used to have a reputation for getting around, and some men assumed that I would be interested in sleeping with them because I enjoyed different partners. When I let them know I wasn’t interested, they seemed personally affronted. Just because you go to the buffet because you like variety doesn’t mean you want every dish there. Keep your asparagus. I don’t like it.

Sexual Enjoyment=No Morals

Apparently sex is tied to every other moral. If you have loose sexual morals by society’s standards, then you must be a terrible person. You are probably out taking candy from kids and kicking dogs when you aren’t sleeping with that guy you just met in the bar. Why is it a man can cheat on his wife and be considered  a good guy who made a mistake, or even worse get sympathy for having such a horrible wife at home, but a woman who enjoys sex is considered evil?

Your Family Should Be Ashamed

Does her family know? Oh they must be embarrassed. What would her father say? Once again, the guy gets a pat on the back, and a girl gets… disappointment? The truth is most women don’t go up to their dads and say so I’ve slept with two different guys this week, how have you been. Parents do not need to know everything.

You Must Have a Psychological Problem

Once again it is considered normal and even healthy for guys to enjoy casual sex. If a woman does the same, she must be disturbed. You must be addicted to sex, have very low self esteem, be terrified of relationships, or rebelling against society. Some women do have psychological issues that cause them to have lots of casual sex, but many women just enjoy it. It never occurs to anyone that you may be meeting your sexual needs while working on your career, or that you just aren’t interested in a relationship.

You’ll Never Have a Real Relationship

You will never find a man that will want you for a serious relationship or marriage If you sleep around. The truth is it isn’t that big a deal to most men. If it is that big of a deal, it is because they are insecure. That, my friend, is their problem, not yours.

Your Value Is Tied To Your Sexual Habits

This is the most foolish, and the most damaging. No one is better than someone else just because they have less sex. The sad part is it is usually women attacking other women. They either feel the need to be better than someone else because of their own low self esteem, or they are jealous because they don’t have the confidence to live their lives on their terms instead of someone else’s.

Free sex

The Common Ways of Having “Free Sex”

Single and Loving It

These are the most common ways that single people (meaning not in a committed relationship) have sex.

Free Sexual One Night Stand

The one night stand is what many people think of when they think of someone having sex outside a committed relationship. The classic scenario is two people meet in a bar, spend the night together, and say their goodbyes (or slip away while the other sleeps) in the morning. A study on first year college students showed that 60% of them had casual sex at least once by the end of their first semester. However, few of these “hook ups” were with strangers. Friends accounted for almost half of these encounters, and acquaintances made up 23% of them. Only 14% of them involved complete strangers.

Uber conducted its own semi scientific study, and the results are fascinating as well as amusing. They tallied “rides of glory” which they assume are one night stands. Tax Day (April 15th) had the highest incidence of “rides of glory, closely followed by Cinco De Mayo, and the rider’s birthday. The lowest incidence of these rides occurred on Valentine’s Day, followed by 4/20 and Comic-Con.

Tax Day is associated with getting a tax refund. Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday adopted by many Americans because it is all about drinking beer. Many people also go out and drink on their birthday. Most people spend Valentine’s Day with their significant other, or spend it alone with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s if they are single. 4/20  is essentially national pot smoking day, and Comic-Con stands for comic book convention. Need I say more?

More Studies on “Hooking Up”

These studies define “hooking up” as brief uncommitted sexual encounters. These studies say that between 60%-80% of college students have had some sort of casual sex experience. Among 12-21 year olds who are sexually active, 70% of them reported having sex outside of a committed relationship in the past year. A study of 7th, 9th, and 11th graders revealed that 32% of them had experienced sexual intercourse, showing that teens are experimenting with sex at a younger age than previous generations. Over 60% of sexually active teenagers say that they have had casual sex.

Science of The One Night Stand

Free One Night Stands Are Related to Other High Risk Behaviors

Those with mental issues like depression or suicidal thoughts as teens were more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors as adults.

In The Genes

Those with the gene DRD4-7R were also more likely to engage in one night stands, and they were 50%  more likely to have cheated in a relationship. This gene is also linked to partying, addiction to certain behaviors like gambling, addiction to drugs or alcohol, and ADHD. However, it is most strongly linked to the desire to travel and curiosity. The desire to move from one place to another, to try new things, to take risks others might avoid.

The Hips Don’t Lie

Women with wider hips are more likely to have one night stands. Women with hips wider than 36 centimeters had about the same number of committed relationships as those with narrower hips, but they reported more casual sex partners than those with narrower hips. The theory is that women with wider hips have an easier time giving birth, so they are more relaxed about sex. Whatever the reason, it appears Shakira knew what she was talking about when she said her hips don’t lie.

A Standard Difference

Another study rated people from moderately unattractive, moderately attractive, and very attractive. They then tested people’s reactions to three requests from the different groups: go out, come to my place, and go to bed. Men generally said yes to all requests regardless of the woman’s attractiveness level. The women however, were more likely to accept the more intimate requests of come to my place or go to bed from the very attractive men. When it came to the less intimate go out, looks didn’t seem to matter as much. This suggests women are more likely to have casual sex with a man that is very attractive. Wait I thought guys were the ones who were shallow and placed a high value on looks?

Closing the Gender Gap?

Is the sexual enjoyment gender gap closing? Are women actually enjoying casual sex in the same way men do? Is it sexist to even ask that question?

It seems much of our confusion over whether or not it is possible for women to enjoy casual sex stems from the traditional gender roles for men and women. Men are expected to want sex at any time with anyone who will give it to him. If he is faithful to his significant other, he should be congratulated for his fortitude. Men are expected to be strong, tough, their emotions safely buried under a safe layer of male bravado.

Women are expected to give sex to their significant other for their pleasure. If she enjoys it too, great, but it is a bonus, not a requirement. She isn’t expected to have real sexual needs of her own. Like everything else, her sexuality should be molded to accommodate her man. She is the nurturer, the caretaker, and she should be fulfilled with this role.

An Honest Comparison

In one study, researchers found that 80% of men had positive feelings the day after a one night stand, while only 54% of women had positive feelings. Women reported feeling cheap, used, easy, and degraded. This study had about 3,000 participants from 17-40, and is the one commonly cited when talking about the difference in the way men and women feel after a one night stand. In other studies, the gap is not as substantive. One thing that the study found that most articles failed to mention is that those who viewed casual sex as morally ok tended to have positive feelings after a hookup. Those who felt that casual sex was morally wrong tended to have feelings of remorse after the one night stand. 20% of men felt feelings of regret after a hookup. No one comments on the fact that clearly men aren’t the mindless free sex machines we are supposed to see them as. Over half of women clearly enjoyed their one night stands, yet the focus is always on the ones that didn’t.

One reason for this may be that the woman is looking for more than just a one night stand. When the guy doesn’t want to begin a relationship after sleeping with her, she can feel rejected. However, if a woman is truly in it simply for the sex, she is much less likely to regret it. Women also feel lots of pressure from society to not have one night stands, or to at least blame it on too many margaritas the next day. Many people these days are striking the fabled middle ground between a one night stand and a relationship. Welcome to the world of friends with benefits.

Friends With Benefits

Being friends with benefits has several advantages over the one night stand, but it also carries a higher emotional risk for some people. Having a friend with benefits allows you to have no strings attached sex with someone that you are friends with. Many people of both sexes have better sex with someone they have some sort of attachment to. If you have a friend of the opposite sex, and you are both interested in just having sex, it can work out great.

Advantage

The problem of the FWB concept is actually the same as the advantage. You are sleeping with someone that you have a friends attachment to. This means you know each other and care about each other as friends would. When you start having sex, you will be comfortable with each other. You know each other well. You are probably more concerned about making sure they get theirs than you would be with a stranger, but don’t feel the same pressure to satisfy that you would in a relationship. You can fart in front of them. You can be honest with them. You have sex on call, or at least whenever it fits into both your schedules. You can focus on other areas of your life and still have some physical companionship. What could go wrong?

 The Problem

Here is the problem. You already like each other. Then you begin sleeping together. This can cause one or both parties to “catch feelings” or become romantically attached. If one party brings up these feelings, the situation can go one of two ways. If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, the sex will probably stop. The popular belief is that the end of the “benefits” portion of the relationship will also be the end of the relationship. A new study paints a much different picture. A survey of 1,000 college students found that 300 of them had a friends with benefits relationship that had ended in the past year. Of those surveyed, 80% said they were still friends. What’s even more interesting, half of them said that they were as close or even closer friends than they were prior to becoming sexual. The other 30% said they were still friends, but not as close as they were before.

Those most concerned about losing their friend if they become sexual actually have the least to worry about. The study showed that the closer the friends were, the more likely they were to remain friends. True friendship stands the test of time, even when the sex doesn’t.

The Solution

These days many relationships actually start out as friends with benefits type relationships. With a 50% or better divorce rate, millennials are very cautious about commitment. Many young people focus on college and/or a career before taking dating seriously. They may not want a “relationship” because of the perceived obligations. However, that doesn’t mean that they don’t want physical and emotional companionship. Friends with benefits can be a great way to ease into a relationship, as long as both parties are at least interested in that as their end goal. The movie Friends With Benefits is a great example of this. For once, art seems to imitate life as the costars form a strong friendship and decide to start sleeping together. They both develop romantic feelings, but refuse to admit them to each other (and for most of the movie to themselves). After the characteristic Hollywood drama, they end up together.

While only 10-20% of friends with benefits relationships turn into full fledged committed relationships, the ones that do have a better shot of making it as a couple. When people start dating, they tend to show their best selves. Your friends have already seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, so they have a better idea of what they are getting into.

Single people aren’t the only ones having casual sex however. From polygamists, to swingers, to cheaters, many people in committed relationships want some “free sex” thrown in as well.

Polygamists

We tend to think of polygamy as being one man with several wives, but this isn’t the only form. It can also be a woman who has multiple husbands, or a “group marriage” where several men and women all share each other, much like the communes of the 60s. Polygamy is not only illegal in America, it is also still very taboo. It is seen by most as a terrible practice that objectifies the wives and gives the man everything he has ever dreamed of. Does it live up to its reputation?

One Man – Many Wives

This is by far the most common form of polygamy found not just in America but throughout the world. The main reason for this appears to be reproduction. The more wives a man has, the more children he can have. In societies where survival is linked to agriculture or hunting, a large family helps ensure the survival of all involved because they share the workload. In some cultures it is sisters that marry the same man. In others, there is no relation between the wives.

One Woman – Many Men

This system is rare. It is found in places with scarce resources. One woman marrying many men limits the population while keeping enough family members for survival.

Polygamy In America

Polygamy in America isn’t as taboo as it once was. In 2001, only 7% of Americans felt it was morally acceptable. It is now at 16%. While the view that polygamy is ok is still far from the norm, it has more than doubled in the last 15 years. Americans are  now more accepting of polygamy than they are extramarital affairs. Perhaps our increasing acceptance of gay marriage is changing our views. Maybe it is such a high divorce rate in traditional marriage. Polygamy is practiced by a very small portion of American society. It seems that most of the newfound support stems more from an attitude that people should have the freedom to choose than a desire to do so themselves.

Religion and Polygamy

The majority of polygamy is practiced in the U.S. by two religious groups, Mormons and Muslims.

One woman claims that Mormon women have little to no autonomy. They are taught from the time they are young children that their sole purpose in life is to serve the “prophet” and their husband. The prophet is essentially the community’s church leader. The prophet also arranges the marriages of the young women. There are also cases of sexual abuse related to polygamy. However, polygamists are generally fairly secretive about their specific beliefs, and certain practices may vary from one community to another. Many women in polygamist families describe feeling a sense of sisterhood with the other wives, and claim they have overcome issues like jealousy.

There are about 40,000 Mormon polygamists in the U.S., and about 20,000 Muslim polygamists. Most of these are recent immigrants from Africa or from African descent, where polygamy is very common. According to the Quran (Muslim Bible), a man may take up to four wives, but he must treat them all equally.

Free Sex: Swinging

 

There have been a few studies done on swingers, but few of them mention how many swingers there are. Current estimates are that 2% – 4% of married people are swingers. Statistics do say that nearly 90% of them are married, They are also happier than the general married population. Almost 80% of swingers are happy, compared to 64% of normal married couples. The most interesting is that 90% of couples who weren’t happy with their relationship before they started swinging  reported that they are happy since they started swinging.

What is Swinging

Swinging refers to partner swapping, but there are a myriad of variations on this. What the average person thinks of as swinging is a couple who goes to a club, meets other swingers, and has a foursome. While this is part of the scene, it is by no means the whole scene.

Couples Who Don’t Penetrate

For many couples, swinging doesn’t mean having sex with other people. It’s more “swinging lite”. Couples may kiss or touch others, but don’t sexually penetrate anyone but their romantic partner. They find that this still leaves the sex just for them, but keeps the sexual attraction going. Sex with the same person year after year can get boring. Having someone else for some foreplay can jumpstart a couples sex life. If they can handle it.

Couples Who Penetrate, But No Kissing

This is another rule that you will find with a large portion of swingers. Even though they don’t mind sharing their partner sexually, they don’t want to share kissing. It may seem odd, but kissing is actually much more intimate than “sex for the sake of sex”. Restricting kissing also leaves something that the couple shares only with each other. For most, but not all, swingers, there has to be something the partners share exclusively.

The Rules

The above are a few of the common rules of swinging, but they are just the beginning. Some rules that apply to swinging in general

Talk About It

You must talk it over with your partner before you decide to do it. Not just whether you are interested in swinging. Do you go all the way? Together? In separate rooms? With one person? More? Do you talk about it afterward, or never mention the specifics? You want to have all your ground rules laid out before you decide to try swinging. You may even want to get them in writing.

It’s All About the Women

You may think that swinging is the guy’s dream, and the woman just gets drug along. However, women tend to run the swinging scene. Men are generally up for well, anything. Women tend to be a little more discerning. This doesn’t mean they don’t have the same desire to get it on as their male partner, they just have different standards. For a woman swinging is a chance to go out on a date, feel those first time butterflies, and have a new sexual experience. Women are much more likely to respond to a proposition when they feel respected. They want to be romanced into bed, not clubbed over the head. They want to be treated like a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets.

 Respect

You must respect that “no means no”, unless you engaged in some type of role play that includes a safe word. If your partner suddenly decides they aren’t comfortable with something that you are doing, respect it. Respect others enough to not grab their goods without knowing their name. Follow the golden rule “treat others the way that you want to be treated”

A Swinging History

The first documented case of swinging couples was in 1587. Two married couples and their fortune teller signed a contract stating that they would share conjugal relations. In the U.S. it is thought that World War 2 Air Force pilots and their wives started the practice. The mortality rate for these pilots was very high, and the airmen and their wives were a very tight knit group. It is said that when a pilot died, the other airmen would take on the responsibility of caring for her in every sense of the word. Surprisingly, personal ads for swingers made their appearance in 1957. By the 70’s, “key parties” were all the rage. At the beginning of the evening, all the men would toss their key into a bowl. At the end of the party, the wives would pick a key and go home with whoever the key belonged to.

Swinging Healthy or Harmful to the Relationship?

The answer to this question depends completely on the couple, and how well they follow the rules they laid out. Breaking the rules is essentially the same as cheating. It will break your partner’s trust. Probably more so than someone who isn’t in an open relationship doing it, because you have much more freedom to do what you want. Breaking the rules the two of you set together can be detrimental to your relationship.

The other issue is that some couples love the fantasy of swinging, but after the fact one or both partners feels betrayed. They feel as if their partner cheated on them, even though they had permission. While there’s no way to know exactly how you and your partner would react to swinging, there is a good rule of thumb. Swinging won’t fix serious problems in your relationship. If you are in love, trust each other, but something is missing in the bedroom, swinging might be for you. If you have trust issues or other serious relationship problems, swinging will probably make it worse.

Swinging is a relationship enhancer for many couples. It is not nor will it ever be a “quick fix” for relationship problems. It is for couples who want to share sexual experiences with other people in an open and honest way. More than 50% of married people have been unfaithful at some point. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. How do swingers measure up?

Swingers and Divorce

Some psychologists say that monogamy sets us up for failure. Many scientists agree that we are hard wired to form attachments and fall in love, maybe even with one person. Many psychologists and scientists also agree that we just aren’t designed for monogamy. From a biological standpoint, the more women a man has sex with, the greater his chance of passing on his genes.

For women, the most attractive men usually don’t make the best long term partners. While they have superior genes, their personality and nurturing traits can leave something to be desired. So the average looking man makes a better child bearing partner. The woman may want the average looking man for a relationship, but want to bed the better looking men for their genes.

This biological imperative may make it difficult for couples to maintain monogamous relationships. Add to the mix that there is so much more opportunity for sex these days, whether you are married or not, you have a recipe for a high failure rate. Hooking up is also more socially acceptable today, and those used to having a variety of lovers may find it hard to be with just one person. Couples that are swingers choose to enjoy sex with others as a part of their relationship. The divorce rate for swingers is lower than that of monogamous couples. Swingers tend to be happier than their monogamous counterparts, and they tend to be closer as well.

Free Swingers Clubs

Swingers clubs are one place for swingers to go to meet other swingers. I live in the South. The heart of the “bible belt”. When I began researching swingers clubs, I was quite surprised. There are a few clubs near me, and a wealth of  personal advertisements and networks of swingers in my state. Swingers clubs have changed lots from the “key” games of the 70’s.

Today’s swingers clubs are what you would expect from any trendy high class night club. The kind with a dress code. The kind that requires you to make reservations. Nice trendy music, lights, a d.j., comfortable seating. The only difference is that you can hook up with other people if you choose. These clubs don’t pressure anyone to do anything. They have rules in place as well as security to make sure everyone is safe and happy. These clubs have fun events when you can dress up in costumes. The rules about what can take place where varies from club to club. Some clubs provide private rooms for couples. Others have a communal “playroom”.

Club Pandora happens to be near me. It is a good representation of what swingers clubs are like these days. It does differ from the average club in that it is much more than just a swingers club. It is also a resort (clothing optional) complete with a restaurant, pool, and hot tub. They have many different events for the sexually adventurous.

Free Swinging Ads

Many people don’t feel comfortable with the club scene. Perhaps they just aren’t into the trendy atmosphere, or just more low key. They may not enjoy dressing up and appearing to be classy, or they may just want to know someone for more than a few hours before sleeping with them. Swinging ads or websites can be a great place for these people to meet swinging partners.

There is some risk involved, just as there is with online dating. If you decide to meet someone you met online, it is best to do so in a public place. Ask them out for drinks or coffee. This gives you a chance to know each other, talk about likes and boundaries, and see if the chemistry is there. Just because you have chemistry online doesn’t mean you will have the same smoldering feelings when you meet them in person. If you all feel comfortable moving forward, then you can set a date for a more intimate get together.

Swinging With Friends

Clubs and online ads aren’t the only way couples get into swinging. Some couples get together with another couple they are already friends with. This has distinct advantages and disadvantages. The biggest advantage is that they already know the other couple well. They have a good idea of their lifestyle, sexual history, and personality. Some women are more comfortable sleeping with someone they already know than a stranger.

There is also a risk that comes with swinging with another couple that you are friends with though. Knowing each other outside of swinging makes it more likely that two of the people will begin hooking up without the others knowledge. However, if this generally happens when the two parties aren’t happy with their current relationship in general.

You would think that hooking up with friends in the privacy of your own home would be more discreet than going to a sex club. However, meeting another couple at a club gives you a certain amount of anonymity. They aren’t likely to know your full name, much less your friends, family, or where you work. If you choose to swing with a couple in your circle of friends, you need to be sure they value discretion as much as you do.

Free Sex: Group sex

 

This is your guide to sex with more than one person at a time. I’ll give you the unvarnished truth of the good and the bad.

2 Females One Male

You would think that the guy would be the one to really benefit in this situation, right? While it is the fantasy of most every guy on the planet, and probably makes them feel like the most virile guy in the world, it has a lot to offer women too. Many straight women find that they enjoy another female when a man is involved. Women are soft, gentle, giving, and it can be a very enjoyable experience for a woman to give and receive sexual pleasure with another woman. Knowing the man is watching makes it even hotter. If the two ladies then team up to satisfy the man and each other, they reach sex goddess status.

2 Males One Female

Two males and one female has obvious benefits for the female. Heterosexual men usually aren’t as willing to experiment as females. This means the woman has two men focused on her satisfaction. The fact that she is skilled enough to keep two men entertained at the same time can also give her a big confidence boost. While the woman seems to reap most of the benefits, there is something in it for the man too. Many men find it very sexy to watch another man with their wife, especially if she is satisfying him at the same time.

2 Males and Two Females

We aren’t talking about swapping partners and going to different places to hook up. We are talking about two couples having sex as a group. The couples may simply swap partners for the evening, or they may switch back and forth. It can be a lot of fun, if you are into that sort of thing. While men are more visual than women, women can get turned on from visual stimulation as well. For some women watching another couple have sex, even if it is their spouse, while they are having sex is a huge turn on.

Positions Only Possible With Multiple Partners

Double Penetration

Some women enjoy double penetration. This is when one man enters the vagina and another enters the rear, or when two men penetrate the same hole. Women say the biggest difference between double penetration and regular sex is that they have no control in double penetration. During regular sex, the woman can control the speed and how deep the man thrusts in almost any position. With two men inside her, she has no choice but to hold on and enjoy the ride. Many women find the experience very enjoyable. It is also a unique sensation for men, because their penises are either touching or separated by a thin layer of skin.

Oral Chain

When you are engaging in an oral chain, everyone lays down forming a circle or square. This allows everyone to give and receive oral sex at the same time.

There are a variety of positions that you can engage in with multiple partners. Get creative and use your imagination.

Etiquette

Here’s the etiquette for this type of sex. The number one unbreakable rule is that you must not appear to enjoy anyone else more than your partner. Do not show the other party more attention than your partner. Even those who aren’t normally jealous will become jealous if they feel they don’t measure up to the other person. Treat the other party or parties well, but make sure your partner knows they are the best. If they aren’t the best, this is one time it is ok to fake it.

Sex: The Lifestyle

Fantasy Meets Action – Sort Of

Between 50-80% of people fantasize about watching others have sex, and about 40% fantasize about being watched by others. This is where “soft swapping” comes in. This is where two or more couples have sex in the same room, but they don’t change partners. For some this is all that is needed to stoke the fires of their sex life with their partner. It is also a good introduction into the more hardcore aspects of swinging. If you are jealous or uncomfortable having sex with your partner in front of others, swinging probably isn’t the lifestyle for you.

A Personal Experience

My first husband and I had our first foray into swinging at a motorcycle rally. We had brought my best friend with us. There were people in all states ranging from fully clothed to fully naked, and of course lots of alcohol. The atmosphere was one of freedom and sexual exploration. So we, well, explored. I wasn’t jealous about the encounter, but I did have some mixed feelings. This was due to being raised up to believe sex was for marriage, and sleeping with other women was morally wrong. Despite my upbringing, there was something exciting about the taboo of it. I found being with another woman exciting as well.

Our next experience involved his friend and my friend. Once again, alcohol was involved. Essentially we all ended up in bed together. His friend and I enjoyed it so much we broke one of the cardinal rules of swinging. Don’t do it behind your spouse’s back. However, sneaking around with my husband’s best friend was very exciting. Over the next few years we experimented with threesomes and foursomes. I discovered the more taboo it was, the more I liked it. I also discovered I was an exhibitionist. I enjoyed putting on a show for my husband.

Our marriage eventually ended, but it wasn’t because of our sexual habits. It was because of relationship issues that ran much deeper. Do I regret the experiences I had back then? No. Do I want to do it with my current husband? No. I am at a much more settled place in my life now, and don’t feel any need to seek fulfillment with anyone else. That isn’t to say I wouldn’t consider it if our sex life became boring and I felt like it would be beneficial to our relationship, however.

Group Sex A.K.A. Orgies

Even foursomes seem tame when compared to group sex. While group sex can be defined as more than two people having sex, for our purposes we will consider it to be more than four people all having sex with each other at the same time. This isn’t for the faint of heart. This is for the adventurous who are willing to have a go with whoever is in the room for the most part.

While orgies are still supposed to be a “no means no” zone, sometimes permission gets lost in well, other things. There are also different types of “group sex parties”. You have same sex parties, heterosexual parties, and mixed parties. You also have “2nd base parties” where you are only allowed to go to 2nd base. I suppose these are “orgy lite” parties.

The Risks Of Group Sex

It goes without saying that the more people you have sex with, the more you expose yourself to certain risks. Of course the one that generally comes to mind is STDs, but there are other risks as well.

Pregnancy

For females, there is always the risk of pregnancy. Even if you take the proper precautions, nothing is 100%. There is also the risk, however slight, of superfecundation. This is when a woman becomes pregnant with twins from two different fathers. It is estimated that this phenomenon actually accounts for 2% of paternity cases.

Career

Everyone likes to think that the choices they make behind closed doors stay behind closed doors. In a society where everyone has a camera on their phone, however, it just doesn’t work that way. The fact is that a person’s personal choices can also impact their career. Some employers even peruse a persons Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter accounts before making a hiring decision. So any type of free sex lifestyle could negatively impact your career. Some careers are more susceptible to these things than others. A teacher is much more likely to have their personal life considered than a business executive. No one is truly immune from the scrutiny in today’s society, however.

Take Ray Rice for an example. Yes, there is a difference in that he did something that is universally considered wrong in our society. However, one domestic violence incident cost him a career in a sport where violence on the field is part of the game.

One teacher that got fired for posting that she was “naked, wet, and stoned“.  Another teacher got fired for posting pictures of her drinking while she on vacation. Many others have been fired for making racist comments or jokes. However, the biggest career faux pas of all seems to be enjoying your sexuality and letting the public (or your boss) find out. Many swingers clubs have strict confidentiality policies, and many won’t even let cell phones in rooms used for sexual liaisons. Despite every effort at discretion, sometimes things get out that you would rather keep hidden. It is the nature of secrets.

Is it fair? Probably not. Is the fact that it isn’t fair gonna help you pay your bills if you get fired? Probably not. Sure you may be able to file and win a lawsuit for discrimination, but that also takes time and money. You could find it very difficult to find your next job if word gets out about what happened to your last one. I’m not saying fear of career repercussions should keep you from living your life any way that you see fit. I am saying keep it in mind and be careful what you say and post on the internet. Online is forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Free Sex: Action Steps – Two Options

Casual sex and the ease with which contact can be made with the opposite sex online is encouraging. Singles and attached women are flocking to casual dating sites by the millions. But can we create a community where all of this can be done free?

Casual encounters are being set up online via sites like plenty of fish. But the site is geared more toward somewhat serious relationships than casual short term dating.

Money for nothing and your chicks for free certainly is a fantasy and dream of many men…

Free sex basically means that you don’t actually have to spend any money in the process of seducing and finding women. Time is money of course but you would take into account that the time spent with women is enjoyable and therefore a leisure activity.

#2 Free Sex Options

You have a couple of systems available for getting free sex:

Free Sex Option #1

One of them would be to develop great street and day game… A guy like paul janka should be able to help you out with this. Basically you get a bunch of numbers by approaching women in the street and call them up later. This involves much practice and confidence on your part.

The short term results may be flaky and uncertain but long term the effort put in will brush off on all aspects of your life. The reason why this is a free system is that it’s just you and your personality – your not expected to buy her drinks… just impress her with your charm. Once the cell # is attained you have the personal line which you can use to build on the trust already established.

This approach requires you to be as DIRECT as possible. You go in get her number and get out within a few minutes.

Free Sex Option #2

The other system would be to get these same numbers from women that are activly seeking this sort of encounter anyway. This way you don’t feel like your intruding on anyones life plus you dont have to deal with rejection face to face. Some say your hiding behind the emotional wall that is your computer screen…

I say your using an emerging and now dominant technology to your advantage.

So to compare:

  • Day game is great to find hot women’s numbers on the street.
  • Free casual internet dating is a great additional tool to add to your cell# getting arsenal.

The Free Sex Pitfalls:

The trouble is that most of these sites require a monthly fee and the ratio of guys to girls is usually not in your favour. Plus there are many sites like rudefinder or upforit that are reportedly fake profiles or use automated responses.

Be Naughty and the friend finder network are good examples of casual dating sites that have shown promise. There is also okcupid, oasis active, pof and even facebook.

Free sex requires you to make the first contact inside a free environment… it comes down to connecting with guys and girls in your area. There is no point in chatting to a girl in a different state to you if you dont plan to actually travel there one day.

Fckme.org was set up to help those looking for a cheaper way to find casual encounters. A sexual liberation… A free tool for the masses… A quality An ok alternative to the currently expensive casual sex dating sites available… A place where you can chat live to REAL singles in your area totally free… A user moderated environment… With blogs forums and groups.

 


 

Free Sex Google Searches:

In most cases when you search for free sex online you get all of the tube sites coming, they are just porn videos, they dont actually provide any real opportunity to get laid. There are also some adult live cam chat sites which allow you to pay to see amateur girls stip, once again not really what your looking for. APPS like POF, Tinder, Badoo, Grinder (for da boys) and many others are likely some of the best options for you.

Is It Really Free?

You have to admit that your time is money – and the time it takes you to filter through craigslist ads to find a women that could be fake may not be worth your time.

This is why paid sites are often worth the monthly charge because they can afford staff to moderate and remove users who are not playing by the rules.

As a general rule the quality of users within a safe, paid moderated environment will be better than a free environment with major networks like myspace and facebook being obvious exceptions.

If like most of us your on a tight budget but your loins are still screaming at you to get your sex life going these free casual dating sites could be worth your time.

It only takes a few minutes to skim through profiles with a filter of:

location, age, intent, orientation

before you find someone that catches your eye. Then the fun starts… your then able to establish a relationship via IM and share photos with the REAL possibility of meeting up for casual sex.

The very idea that all of this can now be done free (with a site that has a big enough following) is an exiting proposition.

So to cut a long story shorter: Free sex online is a very real possibility if you have accounts at all the right places and if you get a little lucky.

I would suggest that you don’t put all of your eggs in one basket on this one yet: Get out there and have some fun screwing up some approaches with women you don’t know in the bar or on the street.  There is enough free information out there on youtube to help you refine your personality and get your confidence and charm up enough to seduce women above 6-7…

You should be aiming to get a girlfriend of 9 or 10 in the long run.

Are free sex sites the place for this? 

NO

But, they are fun locations online to be a little naughty and experiment with your darker side. They are open environments with which contact information can be shared and encounters can be set up free of charge.

And if you so happen to meet a personality that enthralls and captivates you… your casual sexual relationship may just flourish into something much more than sex.

Paid Alternatives

 

Social Alternatives

1
Badoo Review
Overall
2
POF Review
Overall