Having a type must have been a sorcery programmed into our minds’ subconscious as early as infancy and is triggered to manifest itself by adolescent age. Having a type, when you break it down to the basics is basically just all about attraction, with a subtle hint of fetish and paraphilia (a condition characterized by abnormal sexual desires, typically involving extreme or dangerous activities.)
Are you a boob man or an ass man? Bad boys or the boy-next-door? Such dichotomies proliferate in our society that having a type just sort of ended up as one of the realities we’ve gotten to accept, like how 2016 was just a bad year, killing all the people we love. But unlike the latter, types, according to zen psychotherapist Michele Paiva are fleeting, changes based on your mood, and does not last (unlike the death of Princess Leia, which is pretty permanent).
Types are random and varying combinations of traits – both physical and personality-wise, which changes from person to person that somehow controls and decides who do we get attracted to –whether we’re aware of it or not, like it or not ().
Both men and women manifest ‘types’. Men’s Health recognized 6 types of women every man should date and experience once in their lives. Meanwhile, Women’s Health provided 7 types of men women must date. You read this and you think: right, as if the world needed more labels to divide humankind. But as much as these classifies people to stereotypes, that is often greeted with arched brows in the current world of political correctness, and whether it’s doing the world good or harm, we gotta admit, types do exist.
Do Not Date Based on Your Type
Both sexes are equally guilty of dating a certain type and whining that it did not work out as expected, happen repeatedly. In an episode of Kocktails with Khloe, actress Vivica A. Fox confessed to having had “dated body parts for too long”, which only cements that types happen and even attractive Hollywood stars are not impervious to it.
Numerous resources have stated that dating a type is more detrimental when you’re single and looking for the one. If you’ve dated the same type of person over and again for some time and find yourself heartbroken and things not working out, you’ve fallen into a pattern, and maybe it is time to reconsider your type and go outside your comfort zone.
The gist of the reasons provided is to just expand your horizons and gain new perspectives, Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing and expecting a different result, that is what having a type does. You fall for the same type, it does not work out but your focus is on finding your type instead of finding someone who will compliment you and make you happy. This limits you when you can explore so much more.
Going for someone who is not your type will make you see things from a different angle, maybe in the process develop an appreciation for something new, and eliminate judgments you’ve created in your head. Being stuck on a type will make you miss out on what else could be out there, and stopping you from new experiences that may eventually lead you to find the perfect stranger, not necessarily your type, but will be with you for all the right reasons.
Types can easily be influenced by peers, media, and other external forces – not necessarily your own tastes, needs, or convictions. It is important to reflect on yourself and acknowledge what you actually need in a partner to create a healthy and non-volatile relationship. Because, yes, a bad boy and a naughty girl might sound exciting, but do you really want that long-term? Will having that type for a partner spell successful relationship?
Psychology of Attraction
Types are basically just a subset of attraction. According to Psychology Today , attraction is made up of four components, as illustrated in this pyramid.
At the bottom of the pyramid is health and status – which is pretty much common knowledge why these are the first things considered. You do not want to have a partner that will die soon or will potentially create offspring with health conditions or defects. Status – is how we carry ourselves and relate socially. Emotion is on the second layer of the pyramid, which is just our bodies’ chemicals in action, really – whether their health and status can conjure chemical reactions and tell our brains that you might potentially be attracted.
Health, status, and emotion – if these three factors are present and what you have is a type. But the fourth component of the pyramid is what makes an attraction more than just a type. Logic is the fourth component that needs to be activated to realize if this certain person who fits my type worth spending time? Are our values aligned, and if not, can we compromise? Logic dictates if it is worth it the long run.
Despite the level of rationalization we often subject ourselves into, to not fall into the rut of dating a type only to see it end in flames, some of us still end up looking for a certain type. After all, with more than 7 Billion people in this life, there ought to be someone, somewhere who can satisfy our deal breakers and non-negotiables, and still have an actual and functional relationship with. In a world where people are not just merely going online, but are living online, the world has gotten so connected that you are bound to find your type without having to wait so much like they used to in the olden times. Everyone, be it male or female, straight or otherwise can actively seek their types and rummage the world for the one.
Here are resources to go to if you just want to find someone but is very strict about your type.
Fancy a Britishman (I certainly typed it in my head with an accent)? If you find the idea of posh sounding accent, drinking tea, old world charm, the Beatles, the Buckingham Palace and perpetual gloomy weather and rain very appealing, then this website can potentially find you your Daniel Radcliffe, Hugh Grant, Ed Sheeran or Simon Cowell incarnate.
Do you love the idea of a strong man? Authority figure? Beats people up or blows up bombs for a living? Then men in uniform could be what you’re looking for. There’s certainly something about a man who underwent rigorous training to build muscles so he can protect you from suffering and from other people out to hurt you. These websites will give you limitless possibilities to find the officer to your heart, or the private to your privates.
Black / Ebony /African American Dating
They say once you go black you never go back. Why? You can attribute it to the satin smooth and velvety finish of caramel and chocolate skin, their nature-endowed tendency to be more muscular, or the myth about the size of their packages, black men have created a following and fan base among different demographics – white, Asian, Latina – they all fall under the spell of a smooth-talkin, RnB vibin and HipHop rappin black man. Plus it doesn’t hurt that Drake, Blair Underwood, Tyson Beckford, and Pharell Williams are such beautiful specimens of black men that are on TV. Here are some sites you can visit if this is just your type:
Athletic and Sports Dating
The word athlete evokes a sense of vigor, strength and discipline. Characteristics that do not only look good on paper or in the Olympics, they seem to be good qualities to look for in a partner. If you are attracted to the idea of Olympic glory, medals, muscles, fastest-highest-strongest and waking up so early just to work on those calves, buns, and abs, then athletes may be your type. If you want to find an athlete for a partner, check out these resources:
Asian dudes have also created a niche in the dating scene, thanks to Steven Yeun, John Cho, Ken Watanabe, Sung Kang, Jackie Chan and Jet Li who graced Hollywood screens with their presence and humor, not the mention those lean muscles that may be from martial arts. Check out the dating sites below for your Asian fix:
Medical / Doctor Dating
If your life has been devoid of joy and love, maybe you’d want to find someone who can save you – literally. Doctors and medical practitioners are practical choices for partners given that they save and work on lives – something you’re looking at spending with them. Something about the disinfected everything, the white lab coat, the obvious intelligence needed to understand anatomy and biology – be it human or animals, and how they can be so caring – checking up on patients every other hour, stirs up something inside you. Here are websites you can visit if you just need a doctor, or nurse, in your life
White guys were found to be quite popular across races, and if you’re one of those who likes white men in all their blue eyed, blonde hair glory, or maybe brown eyes, black hair, then check out these sites:
Nerd / Geek Dating
If you like comic books, science fiction, science in general, technology, gaming, indie music, and other non-mainstream subjects, chances are you’re a geek, and you might be looking for a geek too. Or maybe, you don’t necessarily qualify as a geek but have a preference for them because they seem to be kinder, nicer and more sincere than the rest of the men out there. Big Bang Theory might have opened your eyes with how amazingly funny they can be. If so, your research ends here. Below are websites where you can find your kryptonite.
Do you have a thing for country music? Riding horses? Have always been attracted to the Marlboro Man? Thinks denim is a hot fashion choice? Wouldn’t mind living in a secluded ranch? Then you could have a thing for cowboys. With their toned arms and calves from years of farm and barn work, with a devil may care scruff that they don’t regularly groom because they have cows to feed and horses to ride, and with that amazing cowboy hat that you’d love to wear, there are websites curated just so you can get yourself a cowboy, or a farmer.
Do you fancy a man with an impressive display of facial hair? Maybe with wavy-curly dark hair? Ideally, one who had a bar mitzvah? Or maybe you yourself are of Jewish descent and you’d appreciate to just get a bigger pool of guys who are not all your mom’s friends’ sons. Whether your reasons are religious or maybe just based this inclination to your TV crushes Adam Brody, Paul Rudd, Andy Samberg, Jake Gyllenhaal or Andrew Garfield, Jewish guys are no doubt your type, and below are places where you can snag one of yours:
Or maybe you’ve got your eyes on the prize, and what you want is a rich man. Practicality wise, money makes the world go round, we need it to survive, and that’s what you want in a partner. Someone established who can be a good provider, not just for basic needs, but also of grandiose wants. A sugar daddy who can buy you all the things you want, take you to different places in the world through all the different modes of transportation of your liking and give you shopping money when he’s not around. We all want a life of comfort and luxury, and this is one way to get that. Here are some links to websites that will connect you with powerful and affluent men:
Happy hunting for your type, if all else fails, and your type might prove to be just an ideal you have created in your head and just does not work in real life. Don’t fret, these websites ought to find you someone when you’ve surrendered on a certain type and just decide to open up your options.