These topics are always very ambiguous – what you assume to be casual dating could mean something completely different to your girl. Which is why you should insist on open conversation about the situation.
More commonly reffered to as a fuck buddy or friends with benefits… the long term sexual partner is someone that you are fond of. You’re are not usually a good friend but they are someone that you know well.
Casual Dating Issues:
It’s difficult to not get attached to a long term casual sex partner: they become more than friends when the sex goes past just the physical level. It’s difficult to stop this from happening. Time apart is a good idea if your adamant you dont want a sexual relationship. If your partial to letting them into your life then by all means let the attachment continue – but understand that there is a cost to love. The more attached you get the harder it is to let them go when the time comes.
This is why that ground in between casual dating and serious dating is so precarious. The longer you spend sleeping with this women the more you will feel for her. Some mature personalities can make this work… it often comes down to the personality matches that are interacting. If you have two emotionally distant and mature laid back adults, casual sex dating can continue for as long as it need to.
If instead your still hurting from your last relationship and crave the emotional support of a women, casual dating is really just a fake label that your trying to stick over the top of your desperate need of a long term partner. There is nothing wrong with requiring a women to keep you sane – it’s a natural process! We are social animals that work best in communities and in pairs. Just notice when you are in this vulnerable state!
Realize that going into casual dating with the hope of something serious coming from it could be an exercise in futility. I am speaking to the women here also. Casual sex dating can be used as a temporary sealant for the constant flowing requirement of deeper, more meaningful love. But don’t expect it to be able to substitute it in any real way. Your need to be loved and to give love is not the job of sex dating.
Do not ask to much from your casual dating partner – they got into this because they don’t want complications. Yes they enjoy your company, yes they enjoy sex but emotional pillow talk until 5 in the morning signifies you are actually in a serious relationship rather than a casual sex relationship.
Ask yourself this question:
If they were to go away on vacation for a year would I be sad to see them go?
Feelings of attachment and fondness are nigh on impossible to eliminate when you spend extended periods of time with people. This is why your running a dangerous game (emotionally) when you have a friend with benefits.
It only takes one great night of sex to get attached. As soon as you start caring about who else she is with your in too deep. If your starting to get possessive or jealous of your casual sex friend it may be moving toward a serious relationship.
It’s ok for this to happen – just talk openly about it with her. Feelings will get hurt when you start assuming that the realtionship is more than it is. There may come a time when you have to stop all sex (usually around 3-6 months). So long as you both know the score then you should be fine – keep in mind that the dynamics of the relationship will change as you progress through time.
Long term casual dating
Usually you find these sorts of people inside your outer friends circle – it’s someone you are aware of but never really got to know that well. You soon become good friends and one night it just sort of happens… Neither of you think to much of the experience and don’t talk to much about it.
You meet up again a few weeks later and it happens again… sadly this is how the average casual dating relationship starts. It’s pretty much assumed now without talking much that you can go to each other for sex without their being any consequences.
Sex without social consequence is in fact what women want and you have now become the go to man for her. Sure she will be on the lookout for other long term guys and may even be with your friend! But for tonight she is all yours and that’s all you really need. Be sure to let her know the grounds with which your dating relationship is under and that your not interested in serious relationships…
Transitioning from casual to serious dating:
Your goal might well be to eventually start a serious monogamous relationship with this women. The more time and emotional sex you have the better chance you have of winning her over. Some relationships were just meant to be while others were meant to never get past the initial lusting stages of sex. If this is the case you could be trying to force a relationship that was never going to work in the first place.
If you still want to get things moving forward honesty is going to be your best friend. Rather than waste money on expensive dinner dates and flowers ask her what she thinks about the possibility of a more serious relationship. Begin to spend more time with her outside the bedroom. There will already be sexual tension between you so try to establish more caring and couple moments such as picnics in the park or walks on the beach.