Premature Ejaculation – The Myths, Realities,Causes and Solutions
Premature ejaculation can cause many problems. It can affect you and your partner’s ability to enjoy sexual activity. You may feel embarrassed or less of a man. I’m going to lay it all out for you. The facts, the myths, the effects, and the solutions. Know that you aren’t alone, and there are ways you can deal with this condition.
Premature Ejaculation – Definition and Symptoms
It happens to at least one third of men at some time or other. It becomes an issue (and meets criteria for the medical definition) when it happens all the time. You meet the criteria for premature ejaculation if you:
- Always or almost always ejaculate within two minutes of penetration
- You are unable to control or delay ejaculation during sexual intercourse
- If you are upset or embarrassed by the condition, and avoid sexual intercourse because of it
Many men may not meet the medical definition for premature ejaculation, but still ejaculate faster than they (or their partners) wish. These tips and techniques will work even if you fall into the normal range. Some men naturally ejaculate quicker than others, and some only have issues part of the time. If you are one of these men, some of the suggestions about what to do later in this article will help you as well. It may also be comforting to know that most men last between five to eight minutes after penetration, and it isn’t generally considered a problem unless you last under three minutes.
Lifelong & Acquired
Those with lifelong premature ejaculation have had the condition since their earliest sexual experiences. Those with acquired premature ejaculation develop the condition after having sexual experiences when it didn’t occur.
Causes of Lifelong Premature Ejaculation
Most cases of lifelong premature ejaculation are caused by a psychological issue. These include hurrying your first sexual experiences for fear of getting caught, feeling ashamed of having sex, and being overly anxious about sex.
Masturbation is practiced by males of every creed and culture. However this common and natural activity has been viewed by many cultures in Western Society as being wrong or sinful. While the mood today is much more accepting, it is still affecting those who grew up with this viewpoint. Even though it is more acceptable today, no one wants their mom walking in on them pleasuring themselves. Sexual encounters when one is still living at home are also frowned upon. This may lead experimental teens to try to hurry up so they don’t get caught. If they choose to have sex outside the home, there is still a chance they will be caught by some other authority figure.
For many grown men, hurrying out of fear of getting caught when they were young conditioned them to ejaculate quickly. By the time they are able to have sex or masturbate without getting caught they may not be able to last because their body is conditioned to ejaculate quickly.
It is thought that the body gets used to ejaculating quickly, so it becomes difficult not to. It is considered to be a form of muscle memory. Muscle memory happens when you do a task over and over again. Eventually your body learns to complete the activity with very little conscious thought. Riding a bike, typing, and catching a ball are examples of muscle memory.
Anxiety and Shame
Men who were sexually molested during childhood are likely to have issues with premature ejaculation because of anxiety or shameful feelings about sex. Those who were raised in homes where sex was viewed as dirty, sinful, or wrong are also likely to have the problem. Feelings of shame and anxiety can be the primary cause of the problem, or they can make the problem worse if it exists for some other reason. Sexual anxiety causes men to worry about ejaculating, and it causes them to focus on their penis. This focus can cause the very thing that may be causing the anxiety, creating a cycle of anxiety and premature ejaculation.
Up to 90% of men who have lifelong premature ejaculation also have a close family member with the condition. Perhaps this correlation is genetic, though similar environments may also play a part in psychological issues being to blame. Genetics is believed to be at least partly to blame for some men who have had the condition all their lives. Some researchers believe that some men inherit extremely sensitive penises, and this is why they ejaculate with so little physical stimulation.
Physical Causes of Premature Ejaculation
The causes of acquired premature ejaculation can be physical or psychological. It may be caused by a physical condition, or stress, anxiety, or depression. Some physical conditions can also cause lifelong premature ejaculation.
Abnormal Hormone Levels
As men age, their testosterone levels begin to go down. This can lead to erectile dysfunction (the inability to keep an erection) as well as premature ejaculation. You can have your testosterone levels checked with a simple blood test for your doctor. Low testosterone causes other negative health effects as well, so it is a good idea to have it checked.
Overactive thyroid is also believed to cause some men’s premature ejaculation. A recent study conducted found that three out of four men with overactive thyroid also suffered from p.e. The study found that over half of those men saw significant improvement after receiving treatment for their thyroid condition. Overactive thyroid also causes health problems including hyperactivity, mood swings, muscle weakness, and irregular heartbeat. If you suspect you have overactive thyroid, you should talk with your doctor. This can also be checked with a blood test.
Abnormal Levels of Neurotransmitters
Neurotransmitters are an essential part of our brains. They communicate information to our body by relaying messages to our nerve cells. The body can’t function without them. However, some people have too much of a good thing
Excitatory neurotransmitters stimulate our brain and nervous system. These include dopamine, norepinephrine, histamine, and epinephrine. These are essential for functions like energy and focus, but too much of them can cause the nervous system to be over excited and cause your pe.
Gaba, serotonin, and dopamine are inhibitory transmitters, meaning they cause a more relaxing effect in the body. These transmitters allow you to last longer.
Selective serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor
SSRI’s are one of the drugs used to treat p.e. They work by increasing the levels of serotonin in your brain. These drugs were originally developed to treat depression. There are natural ways to attempt to correct neurotransmitter imbalances before you resort to drugs, however.
Specific Neurotransmitters and How to Correct Imbalances
Serotonin is one of the “happy” chemicals in our brains. In addition to causing p.e., serotonin deficiency also causes depression and anxiety. Exercise increases serotonin levels, so it should be your first line of treatment for a deficiency.
Herbs and supplements used to treat the deficiency include: B complex, 5-HTP, St. Johns Wort, and L-tryptophan, These can all be found at your local health store.
A gaba deficiency will make your nerves overactive. This may cause you to ejaculate prematurely, especially if your penis feels extremely sensitive. Other signs of a gaba deficiency include bipolar, insomnia, restless leg syndrome, and in very severe cases, epilepsy. If you notice that you can last longer when you are drinking alcohol, then gaba deficiency may be the problem. Alcohol temporarily increases gaba in your brain, but I wouldn’t suggest drinking every time you want to have sex. Gabapentin is a prescription drug that increases gaba, but before you turn to that let’s look at some natural remedies.
St. Johns Wort and Vitamin B-6 make the list again, so they would be a good choice if you think you may have both deficiencies. Valerian is considered nature’s valium because it has relaxing properties. Magnesium is great for relaxing muscles, and Green tea helps give you energy.
High Histamine Levels
If you suffer from allergies, then you know all about histamine. However, it does much more than just produce allergies. It can cause a high libido with premature ejaculation, which can be especially frustrating. It also causes anxiety, racing thoughts, allergies, and compulsive behavior. You can check your histamine levels with a saliva or blood test.
Vitamin C and a B complex are the number one vitamins you should be taking for high histamine levels (even if allergies are your only symptom). Other supplements you can try include MSM, SAMe, and calcium.
Dopamine is another of those lovely happy chemicals in our brain. If it is too high or too low, it will cause you problems. If you get an erection every time the wind blows, but you ejaculate quickly, then you may be high in dopamine. High levels of dopamine can overexcite your nervous system, causing pe.
However low levels of dopamine may be responsible for p.e. combined with erectile dysfunction. There is a prescription drug used to treat pe due to dopamine issues called Levosulpiride.
This chemical is considered to be the neurotransmitter for sexual arousal. Stress causes your norepinephrine to increase, and this can lead to pe. If you have anxiety or insomnia, your norepinephrine levels may be too high.
Try relaxation techniques and exercise to reduce your stress levels. Herbs for anxiety like Valerian may also be helpful.
Vitamin D Deficiency
Vitamin D is important because it helps you to absorb other vitamins and minerals. If your vitamin D gets too low, it causes mineral imbalances as well as a host of problems. You can have your levels checked with a simple blood test. It’s thought that 90% of Americans are deficient. Tiredness, vertigo, and achy muscles and bones are the most common symptoms.
You can get a Vitamin D supplement by prescription from your doctor, or you can choose to buy a high quality Vitamin D supplement over the counter. Your body won’t absorb more than you need, so it doesn’t hurt.
Other Vitamins and Minerals
If you don’t eat a balanced diet, or have any health issues, a multivitamin is a good idea. Mineral imbalances can contribute to p.e., and it won’t hurt anything. Just remember not all vitamins are created equal.
I’m not a medical doctor, and the above should not be taken as medical advice. The decision to go to the doctor or try to treat yourself naturally is completely up to you. The above is an overview of possible causes of premature ejaculation. You should always do your own research before you make any treatment decisions.
Psychological Causes of Premature Ejaculation
Not long ago doctors and scientists believed psychological causes were the only cause of premature ejaculation. More recent research has shown that this isn’t always the case. However, psychological issues can be the sole cause of premature ejaculation, so it is important to look at them.
Anxiety is thought to be the number one cause of premature ejaculation due to psychological issues. However, this concept is a complicated. There are many different causes of anxiety that could be causing you to ejaculate too quickly.
Performance anxiety happens when you are anxious about having sex.
- Anxiety About P.E.
You may be anxious because you have had p.e. episodes in the past, and you fear it happening again. This vicious cycle can cause what would have been an isolated p.e. incident (it is common for a man to have occasional p.e.) to an ongoing problem.
- Anxiety About A New Partner
If you are having sex with a new partner, it is natural to be a little nervous. However, this can translate into enough anxiety to cause you to ejaculate too quickly.
- Anxiety Because You Are Inexperienced
It’s normal to be nervous when you are having sex the first time and until you feel more experienced. If it turns into pronounced performance anxiety, it may cause you to ejaculate quickly. You also may ejaculate quickly because these are new sensations. It’s normal the first few times, but if you overthink it you could have ongoing p.e. due to performance anxiety.
- Anxiety Because Sex Is Bad
Some of us were raised to believe that sex is wrong, dirty, or shameful. Even if you think you have shed those beliefs as a free thinking adult, they could be lurking in your subconscious. You may feel uncomfortable about the act of sex itself, causing you to end it as quickly as possible. If you grew up in a home where sex was considered bad, you should do some soul searching. You may need to work on changing your view of sex.
- Aversion to the Vagina
Some men actually have an aversion to the vagina. This may happen because of things they were told as a child, or they may fear what they don’t understand. They may also have repressed sexual feelings.
Nothing Like the First Time
Some studies suggest that a bad first sexual experience sets a person up for sexual problems for the rest of their life. This is true for men and women. If this is the case for you, you may want to seek therapy to help you deal with your feelings.
If you have anxiety that may be causing your performance issues, you should consider talking with a therapist. Your feelings can be worked through, and it will improve all aspects of your life, not just sex.
When you find the one you are so in love. You fall into bed and everything goes amazing. After climaxing ten times and waking all the neighbors, you awake to birds singing. The two of you are laying there in unwrinkled sheets without one hair out of place. I mean that is how it works… right?
In reality it doesn’t work that way. If you have problems in your relationship, your sex life will be the first thing to suffer. You can also suffer from the same performance anxiety listed above even if you have a good relationship.
Porn and even romantic movies have given us an unrealistic view of sex. You never see anyone having performance issues in the movies. Everything goes perfect. Porn is even worse. The man automatically has a huge erection, and can go for hours. The woman enjoys it the entire time and squirts everywhere. I’m here to tell you that is far from normal. No one should be held to those standards.
If you ejaculate quickly once, and your significant other is completely understanding, it isn’t likely to become an issue. If you ejaculate quickly once, and your lover shows their displeasure or disappointment, you may fall prey to performance anxiety.
Women aren’t trying to be mean or scar you for life. The fact is many women aren’t educated about these types of issues. They may think you did it on purpose because you don’t find them attractive, or that you don’t care about their pleasure.
What To Do
Hopefully you are blessed with a partner that is understanding when things don’t go as planned. Even if you don’t, this can help. If you ejaculate before she gets off, immediately focus on pleasuring her. This way everyone gets some pleasure, and no one has time for negative thinking in the heat of the moment. Is it the most optimal way to make love? Probably not. Is it better than knowing you weren’t able to satisfy your partner? YES.
Other relationship issues like lack of communication, anger, or resentment will also stop the sexy train in a hurry. You may ejaculate quickly to get it over with or because you really don’t care if they get theirs. You may not be able to perform at all. If you are having any type of sexual dysfunction, a honest look at your relationship is in order.
The Other Side of the Coin
Premature ejaculation doesn’t get a lot of press. It is just now beginning to be properly researched. What you hear about even less is delayed ejaculation. While it may seem like a dream come true instead of a problem, in reality it is an issue. If the man is unable to ejaculate, he may not feel satisfied. The woman may feel like she isn’t sexy enough or is doing something wrong. She may even begin to dread sex because she doesn’t want it to go on indefinitely.
It can be caused by psychological issues, a structural problem, or certain medications. If you suffer from this condition, you can find more information here.
Common Myths About Premature Ejaculation
There are lots of myths about premature ejaculation. Now it’s time to debunk them and get the real facts.
It Primarily Affects Young Men
The fact is that it affects men of all ages fairly equally. It isn’t a problem just for the young or the old.
It is Always Psychological
As we’ve already seen, there can be psychological causes of premature ejaculation. There can also be physical causes. Many times an underlying physical cause can be exacerbated by psychological issues.
Uncircumcised Men Are Affected More
The thinking is that circumcised men get desensitized from constant rubbing against their underwear. However, countries where circumcision is rare have the same rates of p.e. as the U.S. This disproves the theory that circumcision is a factor.
Stop/Start Is the Way To Go
This technique sounds like a good idea. You stop (and maybe squeeze) when you feel you are about to orgasm. The problem with this is it makes it impossible for either of you to enjoy sex. You aren’t playing red light green light.
Women Are Upset By PE
Many men find premature ejaculation very upsetting. These men tend to think that because it is upsetting to them, their lovers must be disappointed. The truth is many women can’t orgasm during sex anyway, so the concept of failing if you don’t last long enough to give her an orgasm is a moot point. Most women don’t mind how they orgasm, as long as they get to. There is so much more to sex than intercourse.
Some suggest deep breathing exercises that sound a lot like lamaze. Focus on breathing in for five seconds, hold it for three seconds, then exhale for five seconds. One of the keys to managing p.e. is to throw out the stopwatch. For goodness sake stop counting. Seconds, minutes…Just stop.
Real Solutions to PE
If you can narrow your issue down to one of the causes we have discussed, then you should do your best to remedy the root cause. However, there are other things that you can try to help manage the problem.
You may find it beneficial to work on the problem on your own. Try masturbating, but prolong your orgasm as long as you can. You may find working on it without distractions or pressure may help you gain control.
It doesn’t work for everyone, but some men find they have more control if they orgasm earlier in the day first. Trying a quickie in the middle of the day doesn’t really have a downside, so why not try it?
Slow It Down
Focus on things besides intercourse. A full body massage is a great way to spread the sensation throughout your whole body so the focus isn’t on your penis. You might find that bringing her to orgasm with your finger or orally takes the pressure off of you during intercourse and actually helps you last longer. If not, at least you know she is fairly satisfied.
Change Your Focus
Focusing on areas that arouse you besides your penis may also be effective. Having your lover caress or kiss your whole body is an awesome experience. Passionate kissing and touching can be as satisfying as sex sometimes. If it does lead to sex, it helps take the focus off your penis.
I’m not talking about some Zen meditation here. We all have days where we feel more confident and in control than others. You may enjoy golf or basketball. If it makes you feel relaxed and confident, try doing it before you have sex. Hopefully that confident mood will spill over into the bedroom.
Understand the True Definition
While the medical definition of premature ejaculation is coming in less than two minutes, a more realistic working definition is not having control over when you ejaculate. We may be living in the 21st century, but men still want control over sex. If you can’t control when you orgasm, that feeling of not being in control can affect other areas of your life. The more you focus on not being in control, the less in control you are.
Let Her Take Control
Letting the woman be on top allows you to relax more, and it may help you last longer.
Having sex in the spooning position ( with both of you laying on your side) may help you last longer. This position is great for slow sensual prolonged love making. Being in a position where your body can relax, and where it is harder to get too fast, may be the remedy you need.
If none of these things work, you can try anesthetic creams. I view them as a last resort because it seems like putting a band aid on the problem instead of fixing it. If you don’t want to visit a sex store to find anesthetic creams or order them online, you can purchase condoms with the cream in them. They are called Trojan Climax Control. These have three advantages. First it has climax control gel on the inside of the condom. This reduces your sensitivity and is fairly effective at helping you last longer. Second, you can pick them up at most any drug store or Wal-Mart. Third, because the gel is on the inside of the condom, it doesn’t reduce the woman’s sensitivity like most creams do. If you rub desensitizing cream on your penis and put it in her vagina, you won’t be the only one desensitized.
Promescent is a desensitizing cream, but it is different than the others you will find. You use it ten minutes before penetration, and it absorbs into your skin. This prevents it from desensitizing your partner. You can control the dose as well. So you can use as much as you need based on your level of sensitivity. This has many great testimonials, so it may be worth trying.
PrematureX is one of the top herbal supplements based on online reviews, but feel free to do your own research and figure out what is right for you. This supplement has a 96% percent success rate after taking it for two weeks. Nine out of ten men increased their ejaculation times by 20-60 minutes. It is made in the USA, and all the ingredients are natural and safe. It couldn’t hurt to try, especially if you feel a physical imbalance is to blame for your p.e.
Premature ejaculation is different for everyone. Whether you choose to talk to your doctor or try to treat it on your own, there are things you can do. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. It can be frustrating, but since it is such an individual issue, it may take some time to find what works for you.