Sex Chat
There are several variations of what can be described as sex chat. Before the advent of cell phones, instant messaging and social media sites, sex chat was referred to as phone sex.

While phone sex certainly still exists, technology has allowed us accomplish the same thing without speaking which has both disadvantages and advantages. Sex chat often leads to using a cam whether one-way or cam-to-cam but this article will focus on sex chat alone without the use of any type of video camera. In addition to covering those disadvantages and advantages, we will discuss some tips for successfully engaging in sex chat.


The most obvious drawback is the inability to hear the voice of the person you are chatting with. For some people, actually hearing the words, “I am taking off my clothes” or “I am touching myself” is understandably much more enjoyable than reading the same words. In fact, according to Psychology Today, having a sexy voice can actually have greater influence on the attractiveness of a person than their physical appearance.

Another very important drawback is the inability to hear certain sounds. Examples are moaning, groaning, whimpering and depending on the degree of pleasure, perhaps out right screaming or yelling. Clearly if communication is limited to typing and reading what someone else is typing, it would be impossible to hear these sounds. Like when we actually engage in the physical activity, these sounds are a great way to determine that our partner is somehow befitting from whatever we are doing at that moment.


Perhaps the most common reason why people don’t engage in sexual exploration are our own inhibitions. For some reason, those inhibitions are greater when our partner can hear our voice versus just reading what we type.

Likely, this is related to feeling exposed. Granted, once you are “in the groove,” so to speak, it can become easier to lose those inhibitions but initially or before even getting started, it can be rather difficult to let go and become comfortable with the situation. We tend to feel less exposed when typing, or texting for that matter.

As a result, we are able to let go and enjoy the moment sooner. Indeed, it can be the difference between actually engaging in the activity or not. The good news is that one thing often leads to another and if hearing someone’s voice is a turn on for you, after becoming comfortable with your partner via a sex chat, you might reach a level of familiarity that allows you to interact with your voices.

Another advantage to sex chat as opposed to phone sex is freeing your hands for at least brief amounts of time which makes it difficult to masturbate which is a pretty important aspect of phone sex or sex chat. For phone sex, you’re likely to have to hold up the phone to your ear with one of your hands or your shoulder which can result in awkward positioning hindering your ability to fully enjoy the moment. During sex chat, on the other hand, while you will have to use your hands to type or text but after typing your hands are then free for pleasuring yourself. It’s certainly less than ideal but it can work.

It’s worth pointing out that voice-free aspect of sex chat means that you can engage in sex chat rather discreetly. This is great if there is someone in the other room and you are wanting to enjoy yourself privately. However, this characteristic of sex chat also means that you can engage in the act virtually anywhere as long as you can also be discrete about how much you are enjoying it. Think sex catting via your mobile device. You could do this literally anywhere and in any situation as long as your reaction
was as discrete as the conversation. Of course you would also want to be sure that nobody could see your screen.


The norms regarding sex chatting vary widely depending on the circumstances and the people engaging in the act. However, setting rules and expectations before sex chatting can easily ruin the mood so it’s best to use language that sets the appropriate expectation rather than some form of rule setting.

A great example of this is if you are communicating for the first time and you are providing your name. Rather than saying, “my name is Joe,” say, “call me Joe.” The second phrase indicates that it’s probable the person’s real name is not Joe. The phrase also implies that the person is not comfortable or otherwise prefers not to provide their real name.

This can set the stage for a more casual encounter and the other person can take this cue and also provide an alias in lieu of their real name. The other person will also likely avoid asking more personal questions. If this go particularly well there might be subsequent encounters and if a personal level of interaction is reached, then perhaps you can choose to provide additional and factual information about yourself.

As with conventional sex, “finishing” at the right time can be of some importance. Men will likely have an easier time finishing than women but that may not necessarily be the case. The great thing about masturbation is that you know exactly what you like and that is what you will do to please yourself resulting possibly in reaching orgasm quicker.

For some people, after an orgasm there is a “off switch” that occurs at the same time and afterwards it can be hard to stay engaged in the conversation at least to the same degree as you were engaged prior to orgasm. This can result in the other party feeling like they were left hanging. Try to ensure that you are properly engaged at all time. Similar to any kind of sex, this is for the benefit of both parties and not just yourself.

Perhaps this goes without saying but because sex chat does not have the visual or spoken aspects of other forms of sex, it’s crucial to be as descriptive as possible without going overboard. A great example of this rather than saying, “I’m turned on right now,” you might say, “I’m already so wet,” or something to that effect.

To be fair, both phrases are pretty sexy but the second phrase takes it just it just a step further. You can use the first phrase but follow it up with the second phrase.

Also with any other type of sex, it can be helpful for your partner to allow them to control some aspect of the situation and the same will likely go for you. Ask them, “what do you like,” or “what would you want me to do.”

Even if the response is something that cannot actually be accomplished via a sex chat, the question can prompt the other party to use their imagination which is important to having fun during a sex chat. Asking your partner what they like will give you something to use if there are subsequent encounters.

You now know what they like and can tell them that you are doing this without them having to ask. During conventional sex, knowing what your partner likes beforehand and doing that act is a great way to please your partner. The same applies to sex chat.

Perhaps the most important “do” during sex chat is to enjoy yourself. Indeed, you will not be able to enjoy the experience unless you enjoy yourself because that, combined with making sure that you do your part to ensure your partner enjoys the experience, is ultimately is the final goal. This might require you to be open-minded to a certain degree. You will likely discover some things about yourself and what you like that you might not have been fully aware of beforehand.

This type of self-discovery can be a lot of fun and a lead to more enjoyable encounters in the future whether via a sex chat or other methods. Finally, sex chatting can also lead to learning more about your own boundaries and what you consider acceptable or not.

For many people, the boundaries that exist during conventional sex are often a bit more rigid than they might be during sex chat. This is normal but those boundaries may change with what you find turns you on during sex chatting. Take the knowledge and the
experience and make the most of it!