Listed below are websites and apps that would probably help you if you find yourself looking for some spice and seeking thrills that your present relationship is not offering:
- https://www.ashleymadison.com/. Ashley Madison found itself on the headlines as it markets itself as the premier curated infidelity website with millions of members worldwide.
- MilfAddicts – for those wife overs
- http://hornywife.com/. This site is dedicated to married women who wants to come out and play. Horny Wife provides instant messaging, webcam chat and erotic videos.
- http://nostringsattached.com/. No Strings attached claims to give you utmost privacy and security, a database of members and success rates in the art of affairs.
- http://www.freehookups.com/dating/affairs_club. FreeHookUps.Com has a niche category specifically for affairs and cheating and boasts of having been celebrities’ go to website and being featured on Howard Stern, Playboy TV and TMZ
- Vaulty Stocks looks and works like a stocks app but secretly functions as a media storage to keep your wife / husband / bf / gf from ever spying on you. Play Store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.theronrogers.vaultypro&hl=en
- Tiger Text is a messaging app that allows messaging with the add on feature of automatic deletion from the inbox. Apple Store: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/tigertext-free-private-texting/id355832697?mt=8 Play Store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tigertext&hl=en
- https://www.slydial.com/. Slydial is an app that sends your calls straight to voicemail so the risk of having the wife / husband / bf / gf pick up the phone when you call is zero, and rendezvous can be communicated exactly.
We’ve heard it all before. From the grape vine to the watercoolers, having extra-marital affairs or cheating in relationships is so common these days, it probably accounts for much of the divorce numbers too. But one must wonder, what counts as cheating? Are there telltale signs of infidelity? Why do men and women cheat? What causes infidelity?
History of Cheating
The etymology of the word infidelity is based on the root word infidel, as per Cheating Spouse – which means someone who have betrayed and did not practice faith in religion. As time went by, infidelity took on a new a meaning and now pertains to relationship instead of spirituality.
Adultery can be traced all the way back to the Old Testament as it is common knowledge that the subject of adultery was touched upon on the Ten Commandments. Accounts of Abraham and Jacob as adulterers were written down. Shakespearean tragedies also abound with stories of cheating husbands and wives. Modern pop culture also has been using and re-using this same plot for TV shows and movies proving how widespread the subject is across cultures.
What Counts as Cheating?
Truth About Deception simply defined cheating as betraying or violating a partner’s expectations within the relationship regarding contact with other people. Cheating may manifest in many forms and its definition is highly variable on the culture. Depending on the open-mindedness of the parties involved in a relationship, what would be considered cheating is highly reliant on what each can tolerate and what is considered unacceptable. As an example, people who believe in polyamorous relationships or engaged in open relationships might think differently on the concept of cheating as opposed to how a traditional / normal couple would.
The most common acts of cheating were enumerated, which includes:
- Spending time with another person
- Becoming friends with someone of the opposite sex
- Developing a crush or romantic feelings towards another person
- Sharing private thoughts with someone else
- Playfulness or flirting
- Sexual talk
- Exchanging of private messages or emails
- Denying one’s relationship status
- Buying gifts for another individual
- Emotional involvement with someone else
- Engaging in physical contact with someone of the opposite sex
- Sexual contact with another individual
Despite these numerous examples of what cheating and infidelity is, in the end it boils down to the ground rules that partners have set, what they view as acceptable and inappropriate. Breaking the trust your partner gave another party, and acting beyond what is expected out of that partner is considered a violation, and will likely lead to having feeling of betrayal and rejection.
Signs of Cheating
While intuition might be a good go-to method to sniff out cheaters, sometimes it could be off. To help in decoding whether your partner is having an affair, numerous resources have enumerated traits or habits that are often observable to someone who is cheating. Specified below are some signs that someone is guilty of infidelity.
Vixendaily and Cosmopolitan agrees on this telltale signs that someone is cheating: He/She is using his/her phone more often than before. This is quite easy to decode, there is someone else he/she would rather talk to than you.
Sudden vanity and attention to hygiene is another sign that your partner could be cheating, a heightened attention to hygiene and grooming that he/she did not exercise prior in your relationship may be interpreted as an attempt to impress someone else, as provided in Daily Mail. This can involve sudden use of perfume, going to the gym, or change of hairstyle.
Changes in his usual routine may also signal infidelity. Coming home later than he/she usually does, going out more often than before or even business trips are pointers that your partner might be playing.
When your partner suddenly becomes unreachable, cellphone off, or cannot be initiated to meet up this can be another indication that there could be something going on behind your back.
The final indicator that cheating might be happening is still your gut-instinct that something is wrong. Your partner may be committing one or two of the offenses above but it will definitely still boil down to the dynamics of the relationship, the trust and respect between the parties. He/She might be using their phone more often looking for new job opportunities, sudden vanity due to personal choice of playing up his/her look, he/she might be coming home later than the usual legitimately because of work, and his/her phone could really have been out of battery of he’s avoiding you because he’s planning a surprise party for you, and turns out you are just being nose as he tries cover a white lie.
These resources also provide numerous other warning signs of infidelity that either approach cheating either head-on or in a Jedi-mind-trick kind of way that it will probably confuse anyone such that any kind of body language may be interpreted or misinterpreted as cheating.
Why Men Cheat
Psychology Today expounds on the reasons why men cheat related to their psyches.
- He’s a liar. He never fully accepted monogamy and fidelity, his nature makes a way to work around this and is probably lying when he said he’ll be loyal.
- He needed affirmation that he is desirable and constant contact with someone else, and flirting are ways to reassure himself that he is still desirable to the opposite sex.
- Unreasonable Expectations. He might find that his partner is not fulfilling his sexual and emotional needs. When his partner is no longer able to fulfill these needs, he acts out and pursues this from someone else.
- He might not completely comprehend the concept of love, that it is more than the honeymoon phase with raging hormones. Love as it grows no longer equates to this physical rush, but instead means mutual respect, honesty, trust, and commitment that appeals to the emotions.
- He wants out. He could be genuinely no longer interested in the relationship that he plays around in order to get the message across, the woman might be at fault as well in this case, but the bottom line is that the man no longer wants to be a part of the relationship.
- Other factors. He might be having other problems outside the relationship, it could be stress due to work that drives him to play around to get his mind off it. Or an addiction that affects his thoughts and decisions. He could also be affected by past experiences of trauma that distresses his commitment.
Why Women Cheat
Women on the other hand are no angels are just as guilty of infidelity as their male counterparts. Huffington Post explains the reasons why women cheat.
- Women feel inferior when men are treating them merely as a housekeeper or caregiver. Women ultimately wants to feel appreciated for their works and contributions in the relationship.
- Lack of intimacy. Intimacy means a completely different thing to women as opposed to men. Women want more than sexual contact, and intimacy involves cuddling, hugging, kissing and communication. If these needs are not fulfilled, women will start looking somewhere else to receive these.
- Unreasonable Expectations. Just as men might expect too much out of women, women might also be demanding much out of their partners too. Women need more than physical contact but also emotional connection, attention among other things. Men might not be able to fulfill and accomplish all of these always due to constraints on time and finances, among other things.
- Other factors. Just as men an impervious to external factors, so are women, they might be affected by a plethora of reasons like stress due to work / house chores. Addiction to substance or alcoholism can similarly blur judgment and decisions. Childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse may lead to sexual addiction channeled through cheating.
The scenarios why men and women cheat might seem different, but psychologically, the core of cheaters is similar. More often than not, the problem is internal rather than with their partners.
The High of Cheating
Despite the common knowledge that cheating is unacceptable and frowned upon, one must wonder, what is in it that makes it appealing? The idea is taboo, and that is exactly the appeal of the forbidden fruit – doing something that is not expected to be done. Humans have a general interest to desire what they should not and cannot have. September Standard and Psychology Today tackle this.
The article states that the mere thought that what you are doing is forbidden, and one can get away with it, has always been an appealing notion as it makes one feel good. A research was conducted on a controlled sample of participants where they were made to take math and logic exams. Results of the study illustrated that a sizable chunk of the participants who had an access to a button that shows the correct answer did so. From here, the conclusion is that given no repercussions the human psyche sees the idea of cheating as an ok thing to do.
While this study did not imply relationship cheating, this serves as baseline to how people views cheating. The idea that cheating does not hurt anyone and thus, victimless, is often the justification that is given by people guilty of infidelity.
Cheating could probably trigger the same chemical released when truly attracted or in-love. Serotonin, also known as the feel good chemical, can be found in anti-depressants creates stimuli associations that make individuals feel satisfied and less depressive.
Psychology Today further discussed the causes of cheater high. Benefits of cheating according to the articles includes financial, social, or other gains – basically measures of doing better than someone else which makes people feel good about themselves. Similarly, cheating gives an impression of independence and control over their lives, not being tied by commitments and doing as they please gives a feeling of elation too. Lastly, cheating gives off a sense of rebellion and going against the system, which makes life less mundane and more exciting than it used to.
It is these feeling that rationalize the act of cheating extremely appealing to individuals. With the same caution on deciphering signs of cheating, the rationalization that human beings use to convince themselves about infidelity must be taken in a more complex point of view. What were provided in the resources could easily be general themes, but deeper issues unique to each situation must be considered.
On the same Psychology Today article, it has been found that 10 to 20 percent of people in relations, regardless of gender cheat on their partner. Considering that being a cheater is not necessarily something to be proud about, the tendency that this number is skewed conservatively is quite high.
Technology and Cheating
Back in the day, cheating might only pertain to meeting clandestinely in a secret rendezvous, sex in hotel rooms, and meeting while the partner is out of town. Today’s world and technology gives way to so many channels to cheat. Workplace flirting, social media networks rekindling old flames, dating apps that give you access to a database of potential cheating partners with a swipe, and even niche sites curated specifically for cheating, the unfaithful are more empowered than before to be on the lookout for opportunities.
The Telegraph reported an account of someone who cheated through website Illicit Encounters and actually got away with it. The story involved a woman in her late 40s who found her husband to no longer have the same sexual drive as she is, and felt underappreciated. She looked for ways to have an affair to satisfy her cravings for attention in the workplace, and tried night out with the girls, but ended up finding what she’s looking for online. Matches started coming in, an affirmation that she found exciting. She found several men with whom she had passionate sex with. This went on for two years until she finally decided to leave her husband, and lived a life of freedom and excitement dating around, instead of married and settled down.
Charles Orlando conducted a social experiment much to the dismay of her wife on affairs and cheating websites. He reported signing up to the controversial Ashley Madison, cheating with his wife’s consent for academic purposes, and how the study which involved 250+ women turned out in his article for YourTango.