You're hesitant for good reason... here's why
It's not freeTinder lets me swipe enough each day to find a date, I dont really need anything else right now
ANSWER: We do suggest you use Tinder as well as other location based dating apps.
They are great if you know how to use them properly.
BUT did you know they are not the only dog in town?
I'm not attractiveSomeone told me i need to be attractive for dating apps to start working for me. This is not something I can easily fix, what do I do about it?
Both women and men tend to like photos 25% more attractive than they are, making “dating out of your league” or at least attempting to, a common factor. This can make it more difficult, particularly if you aren’t that attractive.
An OkCupid study found that 90% of your attractiveness is based on your profile picture. I know what your thinking. “I’m not that attractive. I’m screwed. There’s no point.”
You have some control over how attractive you appear on your profile. It’s not necessarily about your objective attractiveness.
It’s about how attractive people perceive your photo to be.
This opens up many possibilities for improving your appearance of attractiveness.
If your looks are average or less than average, have a professional take your online dating photos. Yes, it will cost you, but how much time are you spending trying to find dates while looking less than your best?
What is that time worth to you? What is finding what you are looking for worth to you? It’s likely worth more than the cost of a photographer.
Many companies offer specials for photos. You can also search your local classifieds for PFT (photos for time) as well.
Many beginning photographers will give you a few free shots if you agree to let them use your photos in their portfolio.
No matter who is taking the photos, prepare first. Would you go on a first date in the same shirt you had on yesterday?
No. You would take the time to groom and prepare. Then why do so many men snap a bathroom selfie and expect to get laid online? Stop! It’s not working!
You have to be groomed properly before you take your profile photos.
This is going to be your first impression. Make it count.
- Groom as you would for a date.
- Get a haircut.
- Trim your beard or shave.
- Put on nice clothes.
Is it real?I have signed up for sites before that seem to not have many active users. There are others that seem like the users are not authentic. Needless to say, I was not successful and took it personally that I was not good enough for these women.
So I gave up on using dating apps to find people.
However, a friend suggested that it was because I was either using the wrong app or using the right app in the wrong way.
It’s true that there are sites with inactive profiles and bots.
But that shouldn’t stop you from trying to find amazing and authentic people that can change your life for the better.
There are plenty of scam sites out there that will do nothing but take your money.
There are bots or paid employees on some sites that will waste your time, or worse, try to scam you themselves.
However, there are plenty of legitimate people out there looking for the same thing you are.
You simply need to know where to find them. With the help of trusted reviews, we can make sure we use sites that work the best.
“I’m scared of meeting some creep or getting catfished(some guy posing as a girl)”
Yes. It happens. It’s fairly rare for you to be catfished by someone pretending to be a different gender than they are. Online dating is approximately 53% men and 47% women. The men pretending to be women are out there, but they are very rare.
Most of the time catfishers are:
- Married or in a relationship and claiming to be single
- Using old photos to make themselves appear more attractive
- Lying about height/weight/age on their profile
- Lying about their economic status
Setting up a date with a woman only to find she’s an extra 10 years or 100 pounds beyond what you expected is still a daunting prospect.
There are simple solutions to this though.
First, if she’s way out of your league, she’s probably not real.
Sorry, that’s just reality.
If she’s a 9 and your a 5. If you make 50,000 a year and she makes 500,000, she’s lying about something.
Background checks, Facebook or other social media, or simply talking video chatting are excellent ways to verify at least some of what they are telling you.
If they aren’t comfortable video chatting, request a candid photo and a phone call.
Just be tactful. No one wants to feel like they are being investigated.
In fact, you can even turn it around. “Would you like to video chat?
I want to show you that I’m real before we go any further.”
“Would you add me on Facebook. I’d like for you to be sure I am who I say I am”.
I'll get rejectedHow are women on apps any different? “Dude I don’t get dates in real life. What makes women offline any different?”
Good Point: If it’s all a big beauty and popularity swipe contest – what makes women in apps any different than real life?
Online dating has some advantages, particularly if you are shy or find it difficult to approach women in real life.
You can spend time crafting your profile and putting your best foot forward.
You can take time to consider what you will say to a woman, instead of being put on the spot and needing to make conversation immediately.
When you begin to get responses, your confidence starts to grow.
You’ll find talking to women gets much easier (and you become more successful) the more you do it.
Which brings us to point 2.
How many women have you actually approached lately?
Dating is a numbers game.
This is the bottom line, and it’s true both offline and online.
When you are looking for a job, do you go put in one application and hope for the best?
You put in lots of them.
You likely apply to many of them online because it’s easier and more convenient, which means you can apply to more places in less time, right?
It is the same with online dating.
Many dating algorithms will penalize you for swiping right on everyone you see, so don’t just right swipe or bulk message every profile.
You should spend a little time online each day reaching out to women though.
Create a system. A few message templates so you can send the first message quickly and easily but still make it look like you tried.
Swipe right on anyone you think you might actually be interested in. Play the numbers!
Lastly, accept that there will be rejections.
This is simply part of the deal.
The good news is that being rejected online doesn’t sting nearly as much as it does in person.
Many times you may not even think about it. If you send out ten messages and get two responses, where is your focus?
On the eight women who rejected you?
It’s on the two who didn’t.
Rejection is simply the price you pay to play the game, and it happens to everyone.
I'm unloveableFeeling BITTER? Have you given up on love? You will never find it if you don’t believe it’s possible. If you tell yourself you can’t do something. You are correct. If you tell yourself that you can, you are right.
So you have had bad experiences in the past. Everyone has.
Story Time: John’s Story
Attractive girls have always gravitated toward me. They would come to me and start a conversation. They would flirt with me. Possibly because my introverted nature made me seem mysterious and hid my lack of self-confidence.
I would do well when it came to picking girls up. It was easy. They were clearly into me, and that was the confidence boost I needed. I would even have sex with most of them on the first or second date.
However, whenever I realized I was really starting to like a girl, my internal dialogue would get in the way. I would start doubting myself.
- Does she really like me?
- Why hasn’t she called back?
- She will never love me.
I’m going to end up rejected and heartbroken. Again.
Of course, that’s what happened. I would end up questioning her.
Putting too much pressure on her to show how she felt about me. To make me believe that she could, that anyone could love me.
Every time, it fell apart. I would end up at the bar, brokenhearted, sure that I would never find someone to love me.
Until the day i realized that the problem wasn’t the girls. It was me.
Just not in the way that I thought.
You see, I was telling them I wasn’t loveable through my actions. I couldn’t believe that I was worthy of love.
Eventually, they believed what I was telling them, even though their opinion was likely much different.
I started doing affirmations every day.
Telling myself that I am loveable, deserving of love, and I am loved.
A month after I began doing this, I met Jenny.
We’ve been married for two years now.
I have no doubt that if I hadn’t changed my beliefs about being loveable, Jenny would never have been able to fall in love with me.
If you don’t, why would you expect anyone else to? You have to believe in your own success to be successful.
Too Much CompetitionThere are so many guys out there, I’ll never stand out. There is a lot of competition. However, with a little effort, it’s not difficult to stand out from the crowd.
Are you trying?
Here’s a secret.
Most men aren’t.
When you do, it stands out.
The key here is targetted effort. Trying too hard is never attractive.
However, when you put some effort into your profile, photos, and messages, it shows that you are high value, and you expect to attract a high-value partner.
You want your effort to appear effortless.
It shouldn’t look like you are trying.
It should look like it’s easy for you.
Write something in your profile.
Put effort into your pictures.
Send messages that say more than “hey” but no more than one paragraph long.
Is it really that easy?Straight to my door... that never happens to me.
We went over this with love, but I’m going to say it again.
People believe what you tell them and yourself.
If you don’t believe it’s possible, then I can guarantee you it’s not.
Social norms also play a part.
If you act like it’s totally normal for a girl to show up at your door without a lot of convincing, then she will too.
If you act like it’s a big deal, then she will make it a big deal.
Most people are guided by the expectations of others.
This is generally unspoken. It’s something we pick up on through cues.
When someone implies that a behavior is normal, others tend to follow it.
Experiments with people sitting in a room are a great example.
Everyone is told to come in and sit down.
One person comes in and remains standing.
He doesn’t say anything. Just continues to stand like that’s what he’s supposed to do.
Eventually, others will begin standing as well.
Those who walk in are even more likely to remain standing than those that were already sitting.
The more people stand, the more the others in the room will stand as well.
This all happens without conscious thought on the part of the people in the room. It happens without thinking.
What do I say?I dont know what to do when i actually meet them. I’ll freeze up. I hate the idea of speed dating.
Here’s a surprising truth. It doesn’t matter what you say to a girl. It matters what you make them feel.
90% of communication is nonverbal. It’s very important to be honest, genuine, and confident.
These are the secrets to a successful conversation with a girl. Not what you say.
You can simply say “hi”. You can say, “You just caught my eye and I had to come over and meet you”.
Don’t try to be overly clever. Don’t use a phony pick up line.
If you aren’t being yourself, girls will pick up on that. If you are lying, girls will pick up on that as well. Be the best and most confident version of yourself.
But I’m...fat, ugly, poor, shy...
George R.R. Martin, the genius who brought us a world full of dragons, whitewalkers, and incest with Game of Thrones, is quoted as saying “Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you”.
Whatever those flaws are that make you think you can’t get a girl, learn to own them. Understand that these things make you unique. Turn them into selling points, instead of negatives.
Again, your internal dialogue and what you believe about yourself matters so much more than society’s definition of an ideal partner.
You can Get Laid. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t stereotypically attractive. All you need is confidence. And an understanding of how women work.
- Get laid: without rejection
- Get a date: without leaving your apartment (she comes to you)
- Find Someone (From Home)
Women Have Lower Sex DrivesYou havn't met the right kinds of women
The theory is that women don’t want sex as much as men. This puts them in a position of power, because it implies scarcity. Most men think that women are doing them a favor by sleeping with them.
Women are taught from a young age to “play hard to get”. To act like they aren’t interested in sex. However, women actually want sex just as much as men do.
In fact, a 2015 study revealed that not only do women want sex as much as men, but over half of them want more sex then they are getting. In fact, 60% of women said they want sex 3-5 times a week.