Are you a desperate dater? Obviously everyone is different and not all of these signs mean that your desperate but if you see your yourself in more than 3 you could be that desperate dater that no one wants to be with.
Awkward smiles, wanting voice tones, leaning in to early, over eagerness to please; we all suffer from a little bit of desperation at times but most of us move on…
Desperation Sign #1 Clingy
Clinginess stems from low self esteem and a mind set of scarcity. There is also a lingering sense of miss-trust about men and women that are clingy. They somehow think that every man women and child is out to get their partner so if they don’t keep them in site every second of the day someone else will take them away from them.
There is a constant fear of loss hanging over the clingy daters head. They feel that if they are not present in their partners lives they will get distracted by another mate and run off with them.
This constant state of jealousy, dread and fear must be horrible to live in day in and day out.
This fear of abandonment may be as a result of parent-child relationship lack in early life. Or it could just be low self esteem/low confidence that is self inflicted. Either way if you are a clingy dater you MUST find enough confidence to be able to leave your date alone for a week.
It comes down to believing that you are worthwhile and valuable enough a person for them to return to. You are clingy because you don’t want to lose your wonderful partner which is great. But too much attention can push them away, especially guys.
Desperation Sign #2 Approval
You might be fat, unattractive or low on confidence but either way if you a desperate dater you seek approval at every turn.
When you ask “Do I look fat in this?” you’re really praying for someone to lie to you and say you look great. Deep down you know you should have been out running this morning. But it’s easier to seek cheap approval.
Dont be the master of creating compliments out of thin air! No one wants to be forced to compliment you. The nice mention you get will be fake and empty. CONFIDENCE IS EARNT by working hard and completing goals that you set for yourself no matter how small.
It’s the completion of a goal through persistence that generates confidence not external approval.
So rather than seeking approval from others why not start establishing some confidence via internal validation.
Desperation Sign #3 Standards
People have a very good sense of where they stand on the social ladder. The whole idea of dating “out of your league” is very interesting because it suggests that someone can be better than someone else based on physical and personality traits.
Desperate daters are prepared to drop their dating standards to fill the huge emotional void in their life. Whether they want children or intimacy the desperate dater will date who they have too!
Desperation Sign #4 Loyalty
The desperate dater becomes extremely loyal to whoever they end up with but at the cost of friends and family. The desperate dater will drop their friends as soon as they think they have a chance with someone. Even risking loss of friendship to attract a mate.
Unfortunately the desperate daters priorities are far in favour of eliminating the huge emotional void in their life. They are driven by fear of being alone for the rest of their life and a friend is not going to get in the way of potential love.
Desperation Sign #5 Rationalization
Like the standards sign above the desperate dater rationalises unacceptable dating and relationship behaviour. If they are in an abusive or boring relationship they make it ok because they don’t want to be alone. The relationship continues for far to long before they reluctantly call it off.
You cannot afford to make excuses for physical or mental abuse in a relationship because you are scared of being alone again.
So enough of the negativity let’s look forward and flip the desperate dater upside down. If you think you might be a little bit desperate for love what can you do:
Well daters that are NOT desperate are…
NOT clingy and are happy to be alone in the understanding that they are worth returning for.
They are often busy and schedule dates in when they can.
Earn respect and admiration from others through action rather than asking for compliments.
Do not settle for less because they respect who they are and what they are able to give.