#5 Online Dating Rules
Another amazing post form the blog at okcupid called oktrends. The site is actually run by a bunch of mathematicians so analyzing profile information and data comes natural.
As a result we get posts like this:
which detail what you should say in your first contact message. Oktrends basically analyzed the success of response rates using different keywords.
These 5 online dating rules discovered by okcupid are based on statically significant data from thousands of ok cupid profiles.
Online Dating Rule #1
Netspeak textlanguage or slang – this is the best way to make a terrible first impression. Using words like wat, u ,ur will send your potential date running from potential signs of poor education.
It looks like words such as lol are still fine – they might be widely accepted as an indication or humour rather than bad grammer.
Online Dating Rule #2
Keep compliments indirect and above the belt
According to ok trends any use of the words sexy, hot or even beautiful are not going to work. Perhaps they are massively overused and insincere. More conversational words such as nice and cool seem to pull bigger response rates.
So the numbers tell us that women are not interested in sexy talk and would rather chat about “nice” common interests. When you think about this seems obvious. When you meet someone for the first time you will rarely mention how beautiful or sexy they are.
If you were going to compliment them you could bring up a “cool” hobby of interest or “cute” puppy. Something indirect rather than going straight for the kil.
This indirect use of wording is shown to be effective again when keywords were analyzed regarding “your pretty” and pretty much. Direct phrases such as your pretty get lower response rates from users on dating sites.
So using direct words for physical compliments will lower your response rates rather than just keeping conversation normal and above the belt.
Meaning you do not need to be consciously thinking about complimenting a women online. You do not know her yet and she doesn’t know you – don’t creep her out by saying shit like… I’m in love with you. Amazingly even something as subtle as “your pretty” will negatively affect your chances of getting dates.
Online Dating Rule #3
Ok trends took a look at the success rates of online dating first impressions. Even the way you use the word hello will affect how people respond.
Using hi, hey and hello are much worse than something less formal and more conversational such as “how’s it going” (notice the correct use of grammar)
This conflicts with the usual online dating advice – be formal and don’t use to much slang. Apparently when introducing yourself even words such as yo and holla do better than hi!
Perhaps online daters have grown immune to such a simple word.
Online Dating Rule #4
I have always said that reading a person’s profile and then specifically replying to their interests is the best way to introduce yourself online. Which is why I am not surprised by the 4th online dating rule of specific interests.
Using niche targeted words such as vegan or band implies that the conversation is non user targeted and focused on a particular topic of interest. This takes the stress away from the conversation and moves the focus toward mutual interests.
So it looks like the best way to attract a women online will be to direct conversation away from her physical appearance and toward her interests.
Once again it’s obvious that a user will respond more often when someone has shown interest in them specifically. Using words such “you mentioned” implies you understand where they are coming from. People like be understood so use words that indicate you read their profile. (better yet actually read their profile and understand them)
Online Dating Rule #5
Online dating advice for men – using the word sorry and apologize more often when messaging women will increase your response rate.
This actually runs counter to a lot of the popular pick up advice of be more confident and dominant. I think you can be confident and still be self effacing. This is what the dating numbers are saying anyway. Be confident in your ability but apologetic when you cross boundaries.
Women find the softer side to a man attractive too.
This DOES NOT mean you should use the world “please” or worse “plz”
You are not pleading for anything… ever but you are suggesting that you open minded and forgiving by using words such as “sorry”
Refer to http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/