Leo Babauta or zenhabits would agree with me when I phrase the term:
Be more of you and less of them
Often we make the mistake of thinking that we have to be more of what society demands of us. Comparing yourself to others only generates anxiety and unease.
Live your life based on an internal motivation and life principles rather than desperately trying to live up to standards set by others. Whether you are in a job you hate or stuck in a relationship where you are not valued being more of you and less of them means doing what YOU want. Be selfish when it comes to what you want from your life.
This is the one thing you have control and decision over so you have the right to be 100% selfish about the outcome. No matter what others think you must walk your own path.
How does this relate to dating?
By being more of you and less of them you accentuate and strengthen your virtues thus giving more of yourself to the world and others. This is what all successful confident people are doing without knowing it. They dont think twice about “what they should do with their lives” this decision is already made for them and seems a silly question.
I don’t believe in fate but it’s almost like you were given certain personality traits which are best suited to certain occupations.
Trying to ram a triangular shaped block into a round hole has never worked so why do you continue to feel frustrated when things don’t work out for you? YOU know intuitively what you should be doing… You just need to muster the guts to do it.
Whether it be selling your house and travelling around the world. Starting the business or taking the plunge and asking that girl of your dreams out, by listening to your gut feeling and trusting your instinct you can lead a more fulfilling life.
Dating success comes down to understanding your strengths and weaknesses and having the confidence to get out there and sell yourself. Personality wit strength and wisdom come from experiencing and living. Once you know yourself and are not living your life based on external validation your confidence will soar.
By having a few simple goals and action steps for each day and COMPLETING them every day you will start to realise that you can accomplish tasks you set for yourself.
By being more of you every day your hobbies and FUN activities you do every day will attract like minded individuals. This is the path that you were supposed to follow. Take the road of least resistance, this does not mean that this path will be easy street but the path where you feel at peace.
Being sure of yourself and confident is the secret recipe for dating success.
Becoming more of yourself means trusting your instinct and at times dismissing what your mind is telling you. Your intellect can and is getting in your way.
Clear your mind and practice the art of zen habits – soon your internal strength will shine through and everything will become clear again. Do you remember the times of youth? Return you mind to the times of youth every day.
You were not over thinking situations and outcomes but rather living life in the present. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find your strengths and be more of YOU and less of THEM. This will enable you to GIVE more to the person you settle down with. They will love you for your passion and enthusiasm.
You will know if you have been living your life to impress THEM. Life is not about living to impress. It’s about internal peace. You will never be able to fully give yourself to another person until you have discovered who you are and what your motivations and passions are.
So before you go on that date this weekend first spend some time on self reflection. Take the plunge and do what 99% of other beings will not… discover your true self. This will require the courage to accept massive faults and weaknesses.
You cannot fix what you don’t know exists. Perhaps the reason why can’t seem to find a date that wants to stick around is because you haven’t taken the time to discover your faults. You can fix your personality traits and you do have the courage to pursue your passions and interests.
This courage and life that comes from within is THE attractive quality in us all. So I urge you to MAXIMISE the one thing you have control over and the ONE quality in us all that humans are so attracted to. Become more of YOU by finding yourself and maximising all of those positive virtues that are in us all.
Slandering and criticizing others for your situation is over. You are now living on a higher plane of thought. Take 100% responsibility for your actions – the only thing you have control over.
Be more of you and less of them and you will find that your dating life falls right into the place where it should be.