The Daddy fetish… from women who just enjoy calling their partner Daddy in the bedroom to Daddy/little girl BDSM relationships, it seems to be a very controversial fetish.
It’s very taboo, which seems to be part of the attraction. Incest, including “daddy porn” is the fastest growing fetish in the adult film industry. However, it’s so taboo that:
Large porn companies won’t touch it.
Instead, the content is coming from small companies and individuals. Why is the Daddy fetish so taboo? Are women really looking for a father figure? Do men really want an innocent little girl? Or is the underlying attraction more normal than we think?
What is a Daddy Fetish?
Daddy fetishes can be anything from enjoying calling a man daddy during sex to engaging in a role play relationship where the man plays the father and the girl plays his daughter. There are also couples who practice the daddy/little dynamic 24/7.
The Dominant in BDSM relationships is normally authoritative. They may use physical punishment or withholding rewards if the submissive doesn’t do what they are told. However, Daddies tend to be more protective and nurturing.
The DD/lg relationship mimics the authoritative yet nurturing relationship between father and child.
It’s commonly thought that the world of BDSM revolves around pain and punishment. While this is true for some, others focus more on the nurturing aspects. They prefer to dominate through nurturing and being a steady authority figure.
They always have the best interest of their little at heart. If punishment is given, it’s for the little’s own good instead of enjoyment. The Daddy cares for and guides the little, and in return, the little does everything she can to please her Daddy.
When it is done right, it’s actually a very caring and even beneficial relationship dynamic. It allows the Daddy to cherish and care for someone, and the little to explore her own potential with the guidance she needs.
The Taboo Nature of DD/lg
Interestingly, many women seem to be outspokenly against this fetish, shaming both the women and men who enjoy them. What makes this so different from other fantasies that would be completely illegal and morally wrong to carry out in real life?
The rape fantasy, for example?
Rape is the most common female fantasy, yet I have yet to meet a woman who wants it to happen in real life. The same with men who enjoy this type of role play. They aren’t tempted to pick up a woman and force them to have sex against their will in reality.
Why is it that rape fantasies are generally accepted, and daddy fantasies aren’t? Is there something inherently wrong with them? Why are we willing to readily accept other fetishes as being “normal”, and this one to be so taboo?
Commonly Asked Questions
People generally have lots of questions about this lifestyle. However, the fact that it’s so taboo can make it difficult to ask the questions, much less find answers to them.
However, the internet allows people to express their opinions and talk about subjects the wouldn’t normally open up about. You can find the answers to many questions on forums.
What do You Get Out of this Lifestyle
This is one of the most common questions. To someone on the outside, it can be difficult to understand, particularly from a female perspective. Why would a grown woman want to act like a little girl? Shouldn’t she want to be treated as an adult at all times?
Look at the popularity of Peter Pan. There’s a part of all of us that doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up means putting away childish things and taking on responsibilities. These responsibilities can weigh you down and put a lot of stress on you.
For many women being a little is simply about letting go of responsibilities and letting their inner child out to play.
It’s full filling cause it takes a ton of stress off of me and I can relax a lot in my life
It’s actually really calming. DH and I are kinda in the same relationship…. There are days I get my coloring books, crayons and just color… it calms me down when I’m highly stressed.
For some, however, being a little is simply who they are. They don’t feel that it’s a lifestyle choice. They don’t roleplay. They are simply being who they are, which they say is something different from their chronological age.
Being little is who I am. I am not pretending to be a child. I am simply being what feels natural. I am allowing myself the chance to engage in activities that other people have decided are inappropriate for me because of my chronological age.
Being little is simply a label for who I am. It is another way that people have sorted themselves. I am not a child, I am not pretending to be a child. My husband does not act as my father.
My husband is not pretending to be my father. We do not roleplay. We do not use props or diapers, or engage in any sort of pretending at all. He isn’t fantasizing about me as a child, because I am not and do not pretend to be a child.
Do You Have Daddy Issues
It’s commonly thought that the desire for this type of relationship comes from women having bad attachment relationships with their fathers.
However, most sex therapists agree that enjoying this type of fetish doesn’t mean that you have issues with your father. According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin:
Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a ’70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”
What about when things go beyond just using the word daddy? Are DD/ lg relationships based on daddy issues, or are they simply an extension of desiring for the man to be in charge?
Most women say that their DD/lg relationship has nothing to do with an actual father-daughter relationship, and many of them have great relationships with their father.
Far from…. my father is amazing and a relationship like this has nothing to do with a real father daughter relationship
The Male Perspective
Much of the information around these relationships centers on the woman’s point of view. However, men play just as much a part of them as women do. What is the male perspective?
The dynamic prevails through all parts of the relationship, not just the sexual. It is, more often, part of our personality and not a mild extension of sexual interest. We care, which is different from being kinky.
Alternatively, all of the “brats” or “littles” that I know are single as well. Where Daddy Doms like myself naturally care and nurture, littles are often immature, naive, inexperienced, and gullible. Partners often see them as stupid or irresponsible when they are genuinely doing their best to navigate an “adult” world that – if we are honest – intimidates even the strongest, most mature among us.
While there is often a sexual component to these relationships, it isn’t the main focus. In fact, a deep emotional connection forms in these types of relationships. Sometimes the little outgrows the relationship. The Daddy has taught her all she needs to know, and it’s time for her to move on.
This should never be considered a failure of a relationship, but a natural progression of growth. However, the emotional connection that forms make letting go very difficult.
The Daddy needs his little girl just as much as she needs her Daddy.
The Levels of DD/lg Relationships
Each relationship is unique, particularly when it comes to any sort of BDSM relationship. However, there are four basic levels of BDSM relationships.
- Using the words Daddy and little girl/baby girl, etc.
- A BDSM relationship where the Dom is protective like a father figure
- Age play outside the bedroom
- Age play inside the bedroom
Saying Daddy and Baby Girl
This is very common. Some people love it, and some people hate it. You’re either turned on by it, or your not. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll feel the need to go to deeper levels of an actual DD/lg relationship.
It’s more about the man being a “daddy figure”. Protective and caring, yet strong and authoritative. Phrases like baby girl indicate submission but also adoration and protectiveness.
Daddy Dom/Sub Relationship
The next level of DD/lg is a dominant-submissive relationship where the Dom is protective. He becomes an authority figure, but more nurturing and protective than a traditional dominant. He puts the subs needs above his own, seeking to help her meet her needs.
He establishes boundaries, and may punish when necessary. However, the focus of the relationship is on nurturing and self-improvement, instead of punishment. Here’s one woman’s perspective:
The consequences I have chosen for breaking a rule are related to the rule violation itself. Because my rules are chosen for specific reasons (ie self improvement) it would be counterproductive to use physical punishment (because I like it, so that would lead to more violations) or humiliation (because that would be damaging rather than uplifting) and I would not be improving our family life in any way, so what would be the point?
This highlights the nurturing nature of these types of relationships.
The man, or Daddy in the relationship, gives the sub security, strength, structure, nurturing, and stability.
In return, the sub brings a bit of innocence to the relationship. She brings an excitement, adoration, and unconditional love for her Daddy.
When it’s put in these terms, it’s easy to see why these relationships are desired. However, what about when things progress farther, into actual age play?
Age play is the next progression in the DD/lg relationship. In the case of a DD/lg relationship, the submissive will take on the role of a child. They may be a middle, a little, or a baby.
- A middle is generally someone who plays or regresses to a preteen or teenage age (9-15)
- A little regresses or pretends to be a child (4-8)
- A baby will regress or pretend to be a baby/toddler (1-4)
Of course, these ages are general guidelines, and the terms are a bit flexible. Many people who engage in age play say that the age they play changes based on their mood or the situation that they are in, fluctuating between little and middle.
Middles normally play or regress to an age between 9-15. This allows them to be sassy, spunky, and still young and innocent enough to depend on their daddy. Middles can be bratty, and may need a firmer disciplinary hand than a little.
Another characteristic of most middles is the desire to explore their sexuality. Middles often say that they want to teach them and guide them sexually. Of course, some littles and adult babies are sexual too, but many do not feel sexual when they are in that state.
Little is the most common term used in the DD/lg community. Littles are generally considered somewhere between middles and adult babies. They enjoy doing childish things like coloring and watching cartoons. They may play with toys and even have a stuffed animal or blanket for comfort. Some who identify as littles may also use a paci or sippy cup.
Littles are more innocent than middles. They tend to view the world with a childlike wonder, and be more reliant on their caregiver.
Adult babies often enjoy diapers and bottles. They may be at an infant stage, where they are nonverbal and simply use baby talk, or a toddler stage. They may enjoy cartoons designed for very young children.
Many adult babies enjoy wetting their diapers, and some enjoy pooping (or messing) in them as well. Approximately half of ADs either prefer to wear a diaper 24/7 or they would like to. About half have a preference for a specific type of diaper or rubber pant as well.
Age Play Vs. Regression
Age play and regression can easily be mistaken as the same thing for someone on the outside. However, there is one extremely important difference. Regression is something that happens naturally. The sub simply finds themselves regressing back to a more childish state of mind.
Age play, however, is more deliberate. Age play is when a sub chooses to play a certain age. They may use coloring books, cartoons, or dressing a certain way to help them play out their role.
The line gets easily blurred, however, because littles that regress will sometimes use age play to do so. From the outside looking in, it can be very difficult to tell if a little is age playing, regressing, or both.
Some DD/lg relationships only involve age play at certain times. The Dominant/submissive aspect will carry throughout the normal day to day relationship for most.
The little will have a say in the decision making, but the Daddy dom will make the ultimate choice. Many people function like normal adults in their public life, yet are in these types of relationships. However, for a submissive, the drive to please her dominant will keep her following the rules even when he isn’t around.
Others enjoy a 24/7 DD/lg lifestyle. This means that they are always in their daddy and little girl roles.
This generally isn’t obvious to anyone in the outside world. They may be parents and have full-time jobs, and act like “normal” adults for the most part. However, certain aspects will carry over.
The rules that are set for the little will apply 24/7. This includes in public. The Daddy will generally appear a bit more protective and authoritative than the average man out in public.
He may hold on to her as they cross the street or order for her at a restaurant. These things are symbolic of the protectiveness and affection of the daddy for his baby girl, as well as a subtle sign of her submission.
In/Out of the Bedroom
Some couples prefer to keep age play separate from sex. The little may color in the living room, yet come to the bedroom as a submissive adult.
For some couples, however, age play and or regression extends to the bedroom. The little may continue being “little” during sexual encounters. Props and outfits appropriate for littles may be used.
This may sound strange to people not into the lifestyle, but it’s really no different than any other type of roleplay. Playing cheerleader in the bedroom doesn’t mean you want to go pick one up in real life. It’s simply fantasy. A way to experience different relationship and power dynamics.
It’s the same with sexual age play. It recaptures a sense of innocence, and of complete and total trust. It has nothing to do with an interest in real children. Instead, it’s about the inner child.
Meeting needs that we may feel we have to push to the back as an adult. The need to be cherished, nurtured, adored, to be someone’s everything. That’s the true magic of age play. Sexual ageplay is simply another way to meet these needs. To care for someone in a very specific way.
To have complete control, or to be able to completely let go, with a gentleness and nurturing that’s hard to find as an adult.
Call Me Daddy
Using the names daddy and baby girl, little girl, etc, doesn’t necessarily mean that you want a DD/lg relationship. The fact is, lots of people are turned on by these names, but don’t desire to go any further. Here are a few interesting quotes on the subject.
I don’t get it either, but it whips me into a frenzy every single time I think about it.
Definitely a power/dominance thing along with protectiveness over paternal sexual attraction.
Try calling your SO little girl….I promise you’ll get off on it.
Control her bro, make her call you sir, please, im a good girl.
If you haven’t tried this sort of talk in the bedroom, you may want to try it. You and your partner will either love it or hate it. If you are into it, it can be a huge turn on. What do you have to lose?
Being a Daddy
Becoming a daddy or bringing up the subject o DD/lg can be a daunting task. Even the kinkiest among us shy away from revealing our deepest needs and fantasies too soon, particularly when they are generally viewed as taboo.
So how do you know if you have what it takes to be a daddy dom? Daddy doms are a subset of a traditional dominant. So, the first key to being a daddy dominant is being a dominant.
If you are wondering if you are a Dominant, you can take this quiz. Being a daddy dom is a bit different than being a traditional dom. Being a daddy dom requires a level of caring and softness that isn’t always found in other BDSM relationships.
He generally takes on a more important role in the sub/littles life than a traditional dominant as well. In short, there’s a lot of benefits. However, it’s also a lot of responsibility.
Being a daddy dom doesn’t always include age play or regression dynamics. It can range from anything to a Daddy Dom/submissive relationship to age play. It’s all about what you are and your partner enjoy and need.
Characteristics and Role of a Daddy Dom
Regardless of whether being a Daddy dom extends into age play or just a dom/sub relationship, there are certain characteristics and roles that he is responsible for fulfilling.
Love and Support
Daddy doms must give their littles unconditional love and support. They take on the role of mentor, helping the little to achieve their best self. They will set limits and enforce rules, but they will always have an adoration for their little girl.
Regardless of what she does, her daddy will always love her.
He is her teacher as well as her protector. He gives her a safe place to be completely accepted, completely herself. He loves her unconditionally, and helps her to grow as a person.
A Daddy protects his little girl, emotionally, mentally and physically. He is her rock, her safe place. He protects her from outside threats and even from herself when needed. He gives her a sense of safety and security that allows her to be herself.
The Daddy is his little girls closest companion. She can come to him with anything. She can open up her soul and tell him things she wouldn’t tell anyone else.
All her secrets, hopes, fears, dreams, are safe with her daddy.
There is a huge amount of trust here. This is ultimate vulnerability, and she trusts her daddy to keep her secrets safe, and never use them against her or judge her.
The daddy teaches his little girl about the world. He may take her places or help her learn new things. He is always focused on helping her grow into the best person she can be. This includes teaching her new skills and showing her the world.
This can involve new experiences, learning a new hobby, or learning new habits or coping skills. All of these are important for self-growth, which is a priority in these relationships.
Discipline is an important aspect of these relationships as well. While much of traditional bdsm focuses on physical punishments, daddies are usually gentler.
They may spank their little girl when they don’t follow the rules. This can be anything from a quick swat on the ass to more severe spankings using a paddle or a belt.
Humiliation is another punishment that’s often used. The word can be misleading, however. This punishment doesn’t mean breaking them down as a person or insulting or degrading them. Instead, you make the little do something that they hate to do or something that embarrasses them.
This is a very effective punishment, and can even give the little a sense of accomplishment once she’s completed her task.
Grounding and privilege removal can also be used. This can mean anything from a timeout to taking away their cartoons.
Service can also be used. This can include giving them chores or having them do things for you.
It’s important to understand that punishments should always be discussed before the bad behavior. There should be clear guidelines on the rules of behavior for the little, as well as potential consequences.
In short, the little should give consent to punishments before they are needed.
The daddy also works to help the little girl unlock her sexuality. The daddy symbolically deflowers his innocent little girl each time they have sex. At the same time, he leads her and helps her explore her own sexuality in a safe way. He will push her to explore her own desires, but keep her safe at the same time.
He gently helps move her into a more mature sexual space.
7 Things You Can Do as a Daddy
Being a daddy can be fun. Sometimes it’s important to take a lighthearted approach to things with your little girl. Here are 7 special things you can do for your little girl to keep things romantic and fun.
You are never too old for tickles, but it’s particularly important for littles. The combination of physical contact, fun, and laughter, can immediately brighten the darkest day. It keeps things lighthearted. It can keep things playful. If she’s acting up, a long tickle session can be a fun lighthearted punishment as well.
2. Smooches and Butterfly Kisses
We all have our playful little kisses. Whether it’s kissing their nose or forehead, butterfly kisses, or light kisses, it’s a way to make her feel cherished and special. It’s playful and comforting, and something that both parties need.
3. Pamper Her
Relationships are all about give and take, and every little girl needs to be pampered. Cook for her, run her a bath, make her feel like she’s your special little girl.
What little girl doesn’t like treats? This can be things like candy, Nutella, cake. Treat her occasionally as a reward or just because. Your baby girl will love you for it.
5. Bedtime stories
Nothing makes a little girl feel comforted and happy like a good bedtime story. Read her a story or make up your own. Cuddle her while you tell the story. Make it a special time for the two of you to bond.
6. Pick Her Flowers
Sure you could buy her flowers, but picking flowers for her will make her feel treasured. There’s something whimsical and romantic about it.
7. Be Strong
Reach the things on the top shelf. Open the pickle jar. Carry her bags. Be the strong protector, and allow her to be your baby girl, depending on your strength.
Beginning a DD/lg Relationship
So, all of this sounds great? You want to try it yourself but don’t know where to start? Well, there are a few ways to go about it.
If You Are Already in a Relationship
If you are already in a relationship, you’ll want to bring things up slowly. Fifty Shades of Grey is a good place to start if you’ve never discussed anything BDSM related. Watch the movie together and allow it to open up a discussion.
If it’s something you are both interested in, it’s time for a checklist. The checklist will help you establish limits, which must be done ahead of time. This allows her to give her consent before anything happens, and lets you know what she is and isn’t ok with.
You can keep it dom/submissive for a time, or open up the discussion about DD/lg.
Communication is essential here.
You’ll need to talk about both your wants and expectations before moving forward. It’s also better to start slow. Let things happen naturally.
Finding a DD/lg Relationship
If you are interested in a DD/lg relationship and single, you have the option to find someone who is already into it. This can make it easier for you. However, the BDSM checklist and a discussion about you and the littles needs and desires are still essential
You should be sure that your needs and desires are similar enough to mesh before beginning a relationship.
Where to Find a DD/lg Relationship
Since not everyone is into DD/lg relationships, it can be harder to find the right partner. You have a few options here. You can find someone who isn’t in the lifestyle and try to convince them. If you choose this option, you’ll want to follow the basic steps you would if you were already in a relationship, explained above.
If you’d like to start out with someone that knows that they are a little or a Daddy Dom, your search will be a bit more difficult. In this case, there are two viable options.
First, you can look on websites and forums devoted to this kink. They may be devoted solely to DD/lg, or the wider world of BDSM which includes DD/lg relationships. However, sometimes it’s difficult to find someone near you.
Second, you can engage in a long distance DD/lg relationship. This is common in today’s age, given that it can be difficult to find someone compatible in your area.You can find a partner for a DD/lg relationship in the same places you would find one with someone near you. However, you will have more options to choose from given distance isn’t much of an issue.
Websites to Find A DD/lg Relationship
These websites are your best bet for finding someone into the DD/lg lifestyle. You may be able to find someone near you or someone for a long distance relationship.
Either way, you should be able to find the right person for you on one of these sites with a little effort.
DD/lg Friends is essentially a social network and dating sites for those interested in the DD/lg lifestyle. You can find friends, a partner, and even play fun games here.
There are forums, polls, photos and videos. And of course a personals section. There are also groups based on specific interests and regions, so you can find people who are into the same thing you are, or near you.
There are also blogs and a chatroom, so you have lots of ways to connect with others interested in the lifestyle.
It’s a great place to find a DD/lg relationship, make friends, and get advice.
Fetlife is essentially the Facebook of BDSM. You’ll find activity feeds, groups, places where events are held, and more.
Filling out your profile on Fetlife is fairly simple. You’ll answer a few questions about your sexual interests in addition to the basics. Then you are ready to explore and find other kinksters with the same interest.
Fetlife isn’t a streamlined dating site. Instead, the best way to meet people is through groups. However, they have groups for every kink and most locations as well, so you can find people near you looking for a DD/lg.
You might be surprised to find a mainstream site like POF on this list, however, there are many POF users interested in DD/lg. It has all the features of a standard dating site, including detailed profiles, photos, messaging, and advanced searching, for free.
If you are interested in DD/lg, simply do a search including the interest. You can also include sex, sexual orientation, an age range, and location. This makes filtering through all the vanilla profiles a snap, and takes you straight to what you are looking for.
POF is the largest free online dating site. Since they’ve made it easy to find and filter profiles by your kink, it’s a must for DD/lg dating.
Long Distance DD/lg
Due to the difficulty of finding a compatible DD/lg partner, many couples are long distance. Being a long distance DD/lg couple can be rewarding. You may simply have to be a bit more creative.
In addition to the challenges of a regular long distance relationship, there needs to be dominance, guidance, submission, and nurturing in a DD/lg relationship.
Rules and Schedules
One way that you can incorporate these things into your long distance relationship is with the use of rules and schedules. Setting a schedule and rules for the little can be very helpful. This can include things to help her improve herself like reading about new things or taking a class.
Rules and punishments also play a part. These relationships only work when the little is willing to submit to any rules and punishments associated with breaking them. Punishments may include things the little can do to themselves or restrictions on things they enjoy.
Video and Photos
In addition to video chatting on Skype or a similar service, you can also take and send photos. Taking photos of where you are going and what you are doing is a great way to make them feel closer. Make this a regular part of your routine, and you and your partner won’t feel the distance quite as much.
Send your little cute cards and little gifts to make them feel special. Everyone enjoys getting things in the mail, especially littles. Something small like a stuffed animal, a card, or a new outfit can all make your littles day.
Apps For Long Distance DD/lg
There are a few apps that can really make you feel like you are together with your partner. From setting a schedule, drawing pictures for each other, and even watching a movie together, these apps can help you close the distance.
Couple is an app designed to help keep couples close no matter the distance. It allows you to text, voice, and video chat right from the app. You can also send and save photos, schedules, to do lists, and find date locations.
The drawing feature is fun as well, allowing one or both of you to draw in real time. For a little that loves to draw, this can be a particularly sweet and fun feature. There’s also a location feature, which lets you see each others location. This can allow you to keep tabs on your little or make it easier for you to meet at a certain location.
Watch 2 Gether
There’s nothing like cuddling up with your partner and watching a movie or some funny cat videos. Watch 2 Gether allows you to create a room and watch content from Youtube, Vimeo, or Soundcloud in real time while you chat with each other.
You can also shop at Amazon, which makes it easy for you to find something special for your little.
DD/lg relationships can be very rewarding if you have the right partner. From using the word Daddy to domination, if it’s something that interets you, you should give it a try.