The ability to converse naturally and easily with anyone in any situation is a priceless asset that you should be working on every day.
Most of your time will be filled with interaction with other people. Your ability to get your point across or connect with a loved one can make or break your relationship.
So do not understate the importance of effective communication.
You will know if your communication skills need to be brushed up on, in some cases a complete overhaul is needed. I know my communication skills could be a lot better in certain situations.
But in some ways it comes down to personality… Introverted personalities do not feel the need or desire to communicate as much as extroverts do. As a result extroverts acquire an excellent set of communication tools that aid them in many ways.
But there is no talking your way around the obvious conclusion…
Communication is VERY important.
So let’s stick with dating and relationships. Communication exists in almost every transaction we take in life – even with online dating you email and video chat your way to love.
Expressing deep emotional issues and life goals in serious relationships requires the ability to express yourself in a special sort of way.
By increasing your ability to communicate social situations become interesting and exciting events because you have the opportunity to get to know other people.
The number of interesting people you know will have a big impact on your life because of the “doors that open up for you”
If you have an introverted personality I understand that you will have heard all of this before…
Some of your friends seem to effortlessly gain friendship and interest while you seem to be the loner with just enough to get by.
It just doesn’t feel natural to you…
You don’t feel like it’s necessary to have 500-1000 “friends” on facebook artificially wishing you a happy birthday or “liking” everything you say.
Don’t fret, there are plenty of other people like us who do not require as much emotional connection to be happy with ourselves.
But remember the more friends and connections you establish and build the more opportunity for growth and knew experience there will be. So try to open you arms and heart to this new experience of communication and friendship building skills.
1. Do Your Dating Homework
(not chat up lines)
This is almost like doing a last minute cram session before a final…
Just jot your memory…
Latest headline news via online media sites are always good but it depends on her interests (and yours) If you met via an online dating site it’s easy – just head over to her profile and copy down her interests into google news.
This way you have some material, of course she will ask you about yourself and what interests you.
You will answer with the common hobbies and work related stories which you usually do but then what?
Once she has finished you need and interesting topic to talk about and if she is into “cat juggling” and you wip out the best dam “cat juggling” story this year, she will have heard about it and ALSO have her thoughts on the whole “cat juggling” debate.
So by doing just a little bit of initial research you are able to initiate a heated discussion about something she is passionate about!
Perhaps the most flattering thing you can do on the whole date is show intense interest in your dates interests!
2. Open Ended Questions
It’s easy to get caught in the trap of asking closed YES/NO questions like –
Is your dog a Labrador? She will likely answer with…
Yes, but then have to think about another topic relating to her dog while wondering why you asked it in the first place.
Why not… Do you know of any great places to take Labradors for walks around this area?
The problem with open ended questions is that people get really lazy and simply ask
So what have you been up to?
Once again your date has to think and risk looking silly because she has to cherry pick which events where most interesting to talk about. What if she has just been flat out at work? She will reply with…
Oh… you know… .just work really
Where the hell do you go from there?
Where do you work? (closed)
So don’t get lazy on the open ended Q’s , help her out a little but keep it casual (it’s not a job interview)
3. Become An Active Listener
People Don’t Listen… They just wait for their chance to talk
Don’t you hate those guys?
It’s unbelievably rude – give your date a chance to speak. Give her the respect she deserves.
Giving someone your undivided attention through active listening is arguably the BEST way to connect at a deeper level.
You may be a very good listener but you can always be better!
Maintain Eye Contact
Encourage her to go on
Think – “she is the only person in the room” (when she is talking)
You know the deal…but it needs to be AUTHENTIC or you might as well not bother.
You have to actually be interested in the subject she is talking about which empathizes the importance of CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES.
4. Share Secrets
As important as listening is when it comes time for you to speak don’t be afraid to share and express yourself.
A few short recent life stories or just general information about yourself is important to her because she will be checking out and assessing your eligibility!
If your shooting back one word answers and closed responses while texting on your phone to someone else why did you turn up?
You don’t need to sell yourself but at least be genuine and honest about what you want out of future relationships. One of the best ways to bond with someone quickly is to share a small secret with them.
In the end it’s important for you to relax and enjoy the experience. If you are enjoying yourself it will help her to open up.
A first date might be a stressful experience but it doesn’t have to be a serious one! It’s only as serious as you make it.
There might be some awkward silences and that’s quite natural, just ride them out and open her with an exciting news story in one of her fields of interest.