How To Find A Soulmate

how to find a soulmate

You often feel lonely. You long for a relationship with a deep spiritual connection. You wonder why you can’t find your soulmate, or you wonder if the person you are in a relationship with is your soulmate.

How To Find A Soulmate

Maybe you feel like you had a soulmate relationship, and you feel like you blew your chance at true love. If you are ready for the truth about soulmates, spiritual connections, life partners, true love, and love at first sight, you’ve come to the right place.

Understanding the Words

Before we get into the ins and outs of soulmates and life partners, we need to be on the same page in regard to what these terms means. Here’s what each of these terms mean in the context of this article.


Someone that you have a deep spiritual connection with. This person will awaken and stir parts of your soul that previous partners didn’t touch. These relationships are very intense with the highest highs and the lowest lows. Some soulmates are meant to be your life partner, while others are meant to be with you for a season. You may not be meant to be life partners, but the relationship will forever change you.

Life Partner

You have a mutual love and respect for each other. This is a healthy relationship that you can maintain for a lifetime. You tend to be in sync with each other and you are traveling the same life path.

Twin Flame

Twin Flame relationships are often mistaken for soulmate relationships. You feel like you’ve met your literal other half. These relationships are very intense. They usually aren’t meant to last forever, but you will always feel a connection to your twin flame, even if you are separated by large distances or barely speak for years. This person is your mirror. The yin to your yang.

Spiritual Connection

Having a spiritual connection with someone is essential to having a happy long term relationship. When you have a spiritual connection with someone, you get them on a level that’s deeper than can be expressed with words. You feel comfortable and at home with the person, and you show them all the parts of yourself.

True Love 

At the end of the day, is this what we mean when we say we are looking for our soulmate, twin flame, or life partner? Aren’t we all just looking for our true love? Which category does our true love fall into? Your true love is someone who makes you a better person, or as Jack Nicholson says, “You make me want to be a better man.” You’ll also find that you love your true love more than you love yourself, and put their needs ahead of your own. You accept them for everything that they are. The good and the bad. When you feel this way about each other, you’ve found your true love.

More Than One

Your current or past relationship may fall into more than one of these categories. You may also have a platonic soulmate or twin flame relationships. My twin flame, for example, is my best friend. We’ve been deeply connected since we were kids. At times we’ve even mistaken this connection for romantic love. We’ve been separated by nearly 2,500 miles for years, but we are still inseparable. We have a soul and spiritual connection that defies understanding, and no physical distance can separate our hearts.

Here’s another secret. Just like the same person can fall into more than one of these categories, you aren’t destined to have just one special relationship in your life. People come into your life when you need them. Sometimes they stay forever. Sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your chance for true love if you’ve had to let go of a soulmate. In fact, it may mean that you are now prepared to meet your true love.

All About Soulmates

Now that we have the basic definitions down, let’s get into soulmates. How do you know if you’ve found your soulmate.? What’s the answer to how to find a soulmate?Are they destined to be your true love? How do you find your soulmate? Many people believe that once they’ve found their soulmate, they’ve found “the one”. Your true love should be a soulmate, but not all soulmates are your true love.

Are They Your Soulmate?

There are signs that someone is your soulmate. You will feel fulfilled with them in a way that you haven’t in past relationships. If you’ve ever been in a relationship where everything should be perfect, but something was missing, you’ll understand. That indefinable something is there with your soulmate. You may realize that there’s something special between you when you first meet each other. In other cases, you may not realize it at the time, but when you look back you know that you knew.

They will feel familiar to you. You may feel like you’ve met before. They may remind you of a friend or family member. You will feel very comfortable with them from the beginning, but you may find the relationship scary as well. Many times soulmates don’t get their happily ever after the first time around. You get together, and you split up.

However, if you are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other. These relationships are so intense that it can take time to prepare for them. If you aren’t ready for the relationship when you meet the first time, you will split up. You will both change and grow, and come back to each other when you are ready for the relationship. This is particularly true when your soulmate is also your true love. The person that you are meant to spend your life with.

You will feel a deeper connection than you’ve experienced in other relationships. Your body, heart, spirit, and soul are simply drawn to them in a way that you can’t deny. You feel what they feel and know what they are thinking. Communication is easy between you. Silences never feel awkward. There’s never any real awkwardness between you, because you are so connected. They make you realize what real love feels like. When you come together physically, you have undeniable chemistry, but it’s more than that. It’s like making love to someone you’ve been with for years on some level. You feel comfortable with them. You know what they like. There’s none of that first time awkwardness with a soulmate.

Your soulmate will change you on a soul level. This change is always for the best, but it can be painful at the time. You may find yourself rising to the occasion and being a person that is deserving of their love. You may realize that they were only meant to help you grow, and have to learn to let them go. To realize that you can stand on your own. While this is painful, it can prepare you to meet the soulmate who is also your true love.

How To Find A Soulmate: Ask Yourself Are They “The One”?

The above description applies to all soulmates. The ones that are meant to walk with you for a season, and the one that is meant to be your true love. So how do you tell the difference? How do you know if the person that you have this soulmate connection with is meant to be your forever love?

How To Find A Soulmate: You are Ready

When you find your true love, you are ready for the relationship. If you aren’t ready, then you do what you have to do to get ready. Even if you have to split up until you are ready, you start the work of getting there.

How To Find A Soulmate: You Communicate Well Emotionally

There are five different love languages. This means that there are five different ways different people express their love for each other. These are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical affection. We all use one of these to primarily express our love, and we have a hard time feeling another’s love if they speak a different love language. When you are meant to be, you don’t have any trouble feeling your partner’s love. Even if you don’t speak the same love language, you intuitively know how to express your love for each other so the other person gets it.

How To Find A Soulmate: You Have Shared Life Goals

You are on the same page when it comes to the future. You may not always agree, but you find yourselves agreeing on the things that are truly important to you. Past relationships may have left you feeling like you and your partner were walking in different directions, but this relationship feels like you are walking the path of life hand in hand.

How To Find A Soulmate: You Are a Team

You take on the world together. You see the best in each other, and you are each other’s biggest fan. At the same time, you see each other’s flaws and bring out the best in each other. You feel completely accepted, yet encouraged to be the best you that you can be.

How To Find A Soulmate: Sex is More Than Sex

Sex is amazing, but your connection goes beyond physical intimacy. You feel a deep spiritual connection that makes the sex better and different from with other partners. You finally understand the meaning of the term “making love”.

How To Find A Soulmate: You Survive What Should Break You Apart

All couples go through rough times. When you experience something that would break up a normal couple, but find yourselves closer together as a result, this is a sure sign that the relationship is meant to be.

How To Find A Soulmate: You Are Secure

You fight for the relationship when you need too, but you also feel a sense of security. You just know that you are meant to be together. You don’t question whether or not you will make it as a couple. You just know. You are secure enough to spend time apart, but you love being together.

How To Find A Soulmate: The Compatibility Myth

Dating sites like Eharmony and OkCupid have popularized the idea that you can find your soulmate through compatibility testing. However, research is showing that relationship happiness may not have as much to do with compatibility as we thought.

Dr. Todd Hudson studied couples who were both happy and unhappy in their marriages, and he found something very surprising. There was no difference in the objective compatibility between happy and unhappy couples. Unhappy couples thought that they were incompatible, but they didn’t score any lower on compatibility tests than the happy couples.

Consider arranged marriages. Many cultures have arranged marriages, and these can actually be happier than marriages where we choose our partner. Why? Because they are truly committed to each other, instead of looking for the next best thing.

In other words, compatibility is something we create. When we truly love someone and are committed to the relationship, we find a way to be compatible. We adapt as a couple, and we grow together instead of apart. Couples that are supportive and spend energy on bettering their relationship are the most likely to last. When you find someone who shares in your dreams and loves you for who you are, that is the true test of compatibility.

Getting Ready For Your Soulmate

Before we talk about how to find your soulmate, there are some things that you should do to prepare to meet them. Doing these things will ensure that you are ready for them when they come into your life.

Fall In Love…. With Yourself

It may be cliché, but you do have to love yourself if you expect anyone else to truly love you. After all, why should they love you if you don’t? You are your own unique person, and you are worthy of love, your own included. You should also be able to enjoy your own company for the same reasons. Find a new hobby or spend more time with an old one. Find at least one thing that you do alone that makes you truly happy.

Accept Responsibility For Your Life

The fact of the matter is that it’s your life. Instead of putting your faith in fate or Aphrodite, put some faith in yourself. Realize that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect to find your true love, you’ve gotta step up and make it happen.

Be Confident

If you’ve followed the above steps, this one should come naturally. You love yourself, you enjoy your own company, and you are responsible for your own life and happiness. What’s not to be confident about? The more confident you are, the higher quality of person you will attract, so this is a must for finding your soulmate.

Grow Up

Act like a mature person. Treat people like you want to be treated. Think before you act. Be financially and emotionally stable. This doesn’t mean that you are perfect. It means that you have reached a level of maturity that will allow someone else to trust you with their innermost self. It also means you are at a place in your life where you can truly open up to someone else.

Know Who You Are

The final thing you’ll need to do to get ready to meet your soulmate is to truly know who you are and what you want in life. Spend some time finding your path and realizing what’s truly important to you. You won’t know if someone is right for you if you don’t know who you are. You won’t know if you share the same life goals and priorities with another person if you don’t know your own. Our understanding of ourselves should always be growing. You should be on a path of constant self discovery. However, you need to have a basic understanding of who you are to be ready for your true love.

How to Find Your Soulmate

You know what a soulmate is, and you know who you are. You are ready for your soulmate, but how do you go about finding them?

How To Find A Soulmate Step 1: Know What You Want

Know what you want in a partner. Go beyond superficial qualities to what would make you happy for the rest of your life. What do you envision in a life partner? Focus on the positive qualities you are looking for. You may find it helpful to make a list of the qualities you are looking for, or even create a wish board with the qualities of your ideal mate. Be sure to focus on the qualities that you do want, instead of what you don’t want. For example, focus on wanting an honest partner, instead of not wanting someone who will lie to you.

How To Find A Soulmate Step 2: Be Happy For Others

When you are searching for love, it’s easy to become jealous of those who already have a relationship. However, this negative emotion can actually block your ability to find the partner you are looking for. Be genuinely happy when you see others in love, and believe that your great love isn’t far behind.

How To Find A Soulmate Step 3: Keep Believing

You’ve done the work you need to do on yourself. You’ve congratulated your friend on their recent marriage (and actually meant it). Why haven’t you found your soulmate yet? These things take time, and many people give up too soon. Keep believing that your soulmate will come when the time is right.

How To Find A Soulmate Step 4: Don’t Wait

Don’t wait on a soulmate to start enjoying your life. Do the things you enjoy. Keep meeting new people. Keep working on bettering yourself.

How To Find A Soulmate Step 5: Be Prepared to be Surprised

Soulmates tend to come into our lives at an unexpected time or in unexpected ways. Keep your mind open and expect to be surprised in some way by your soulmate. It can be the timing, the way you meet, or the person that you discover is your soulmate, but chances are you will be surprised. It’s important not to focus so much on how you think it will happen that you miss it when it does.

Why You Can’t Find Your Soulmate

There are reasons why you can’t find your soulmate. If you feel like you are doing all the right things, but you still can’t find your soulmate, check out these reasons.

You Aren’t Being You

If you aren’t being the truest version of yourself, how is your soulmate supposed to find you? Be sure that you really know who you are, and show the people that you meet the real you. This can also cause you to unconsciously attract the wrong people. Your soulmate will be attracted to your soul like two magnets pulled together. However, if you have a lot of stuff that covers up the true frequency of your soul, the signal gets distorted and the pull isn’t there.

Repeating Patterns

We tend to get stuck in the familiar, even when it’s painful for us. Relationship patterns are no exception. If you find yourself consistently attracting the “wrong type” of relationship, you should spend some time examining this pattern. Chances are there’s a subconscious belief that relationships should be that way, or that you don’t deserve a better relationship. Change the belief, and you break the pattern.

You Aren’t Fully Conscious

Sure you are awake, but our brains are literally on autopilot 90% of the time. This means that we aren’t thinking things through and making real conscious decisions 90% of the time. Your soulmate could walk right by you, and you wouldn’t notice because you are deciding what to make for dinner. Practice being in the moment and being fully conscious in your daily life.

You Aren’t In The Right Place

You aren’t likely to find your soulmate at the bar on a Friday night. You are much more likely to find them somewhere that you truly enjoy being or feel like you make a difference. Somewhere that you are passionate about. Because chances are, that’s where they are spending their time.

You Aren’t Open

Are you ready to meet someone who will turn your world upside down? Soulmate love tips your world on its axis, and shakes up your soul. Many times when we find a soulmate, we close down and run the other way. It can be terrifying to find someone who affects us so deeply. However, it is worth the risk. To find a soulmate love, your soul has to be open to that type of connection.

What You’ve Got Wrong About Soulmates

One reason you may not be able to find your soulmate is that you don’t truly understand this type of relationship. We’ve been sold a lie with fairy tales of happily ever after with very little effort and no pain on our part. That’s not how a soulmate relationship works. Even the best soulmate relationships that last a lifetime will test you.

Your Heart Won’t Listen

Something happens and you break up. You think you can move on, but your heart won’t listen. When you are truly meant to be with a soulmate, your heart won’t move on. Life will eventually bring you back together if you listen to your heart. Sometimes you can’t let go, because you aren’t meant to.

It’s Not About What You Are Getting

Soulmate relationships aren’t about what you get. You shouldn’t be focused on yourself at all. You should be focused on what you are giving to the other person. There are relationships that genuinely won’t meet your needs, and these aren’t meant to last forever. Before you throw that first stone, however, take a look at what you aren’t doing for them.

It’s Going to Hurt 

You love them so much, but no one has ever pushed your buttons like they do. They hurt your feelings. They make you angry. They show you things about yourself that you would rather not see. These feelings can be positive or negative. In a true soulmate relationship, these emotions are a sign of growth. Just like exercise causes growth through sore muscles, there are times that emotional growth will be painful. If you aren’t experiencing any growth, then it isn’t a soulmate relationship. A soulmate relationship will always challenge you to keep growing. This doesn’t mean that you should constantly be in conflict or unhappy, but there should be some uncomfortable periods.

Twin Flame Relationships

Twin flame relationships are often confused with soulmate relationships. While twin flame relationships can be platonic, we are going to talk about what a twin flame romantic relationship is like.

It Feels Meant to Be…But It’s Not

You feel like you are meant to be together, but things just don’t work out. It’s like the universe’s idea of a cosmic joke. You are meant to be together, but you just can’t make it work. You may experience an off again on again type of relationship with them.

They’ve Changed Your Thinking

Your twin flame will awaken you in some way. They will open you up to new ways of thinking or seeing the world. You are each other’s teachers. You’ll also find that when you look back on the period during and after your relationship with them, that you underwent a lot of changes. This change may be painful, but it is necessary.

Your Relationship Is Too Intense

Your relationship moves very quickly, and it is defined by intense emotions. These emotions are too intense to be sustained in a lifetime relationship. You may find yourself acting emotionally irrational when you are with them.

You Just Click

You fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. When you meet them you feel like you’ve known them all your life. The more time you spend together, the more this feeling grows. You have an undeniable connection. You feel each others thoughts and emotions.

You Question the Relationship

Despite the deep connection and passion that you feel for them, you find yourself asking if this is a relationship that you want for a lifetime. You may go back and forth between certainty that you want to be with them forever and questioning if you want to be with them at all.

You See Yourself and Your Opposite In Them

You see everything that you most desire in them, as well as everything that you fear the most. What you may not realize is that they are showing you parts of yourself. The parts you may not have yet acknowledged, the parts that need to be healed, and the parts of you that you are most proud of. It’s like a mirror into your deepest soul.

Can Numerology or Astrology Reveal Your Soulmate?

When you begin to look into soulmate connections, you go beyond what you can understand with your five senses. There is something mystical about these connections. Numerology and Astrology can show you connections that you wouldn’t normally see between yourself and your partner. While these methods shouldn’t be your only method of determining if someone is your soulmate, it is a set of information that you may wish to consider.

Numerology and Soulmates

Numerology states that certain numbers affect your life. These numbers can include your birthdate, and the numbers that are found by adding the letters of your name. Numerology can get very complex, but this is it at its simplest level. You may be surprised to learn that the natural world is governed by numbers. The numbers of geometry are constantly appearing in nature. The number pi is found in many surprising places in nature. If numbers have a special place in nature, it makes sense to assume that they have significance for us as well.

I used this numerology love calculator. It says me and my husband are fated to be soulmates, which feels accurate to me. You might try it on your own special someone. You could be surprised by your results. You can also do the calculations yourself. This site describes how to do step by step calculations to determine your compatibility. Remember, this type of compatibility may be helpful when deciding if you’ve found your soulmate, but the feelings of you and your partner are the most important.

Soulmate Astrology

Soulmate astrology goes way beyond just checking your horoscope. There are many planets and alignments to take into account when determining your astrological compatibility. Professional readings cost money, because of the work and knowledge involved. You can find a good starting point for figuring things out for yourself here, however.

Learning About Yourself

In addition to using numerology and astrology to learn whether or not you are compatible with your partner, you can use them to learn more about yourself. Delving deeper into these sciences can teach you things about yourself that you didn’t know, and the more you know about yourself, the more likely you are to attract the right partner.

Love At First Sight

Does love at first sight exist? Is it simply a sexual attraction when we feel an instantaneous connection to someone, or are we taking in more information than we give ourselves credit for? Is it a mystical experience, or just idealization?

The Arguments Against Love at First Sight

First, let’s look at the arguments against love at first sight. One argument is that it’s simply sexual attraction, but people who have experienced love at first sight will tell you that there is much more to it. Can a person experience intense feelings of love, without it being true love? Many people would argue that the only way love at first sight is possible is through making assumptions and stereotyping or transferring your ideals onto them. The logic is that you can’t really know someone in the first meeting, but you can use wishful thinking and give them attributes that you desire. The other argument against love at first sight is that there haven’t been any “love actions”. The object of your affection hasn’t done anything “to make you fall for them”. However, if you consider cases of unrequited love, which can be extremely intense, “love actions” don’t seem to be necessary for one to feel feelings of love.

The Arguments For Love at First Sight

First, you should remember that 90% of communication is nonverbal. This means that the first time you meet someone, your brain is reading many signals that give you information about the person. The more in tune you are with your intuition, which is how your subconscious mind will reveal these impressions, the more successful you will be at determining who someone is at the first meeting.

An experiment performed by the University of Chicago asked people to look at photos and identify if the feeling was romantic or sexual. When the subject chose romance, they would focus on the face and eyes of the person in the picture. When they felt sexual attraction, they would look at other body parts. While this doesn’t prove love at first sight exists, it does suggest that there is more going on at first glance than what we currently understand.

Many people also suggest that when it comes to soulmates, this isn’t first sight at all. They believe that these souls have met before, and that accounts for the familiarity or sense of deja vu that is common when you find your soulmate. Perhaps it isn’t first sight at all, but simply first sight in this reality.

What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely

While you are on the search for a soulmate, you are bound to be lonely from time to time. Knowing how to be ok being alone is an important life lesson that you may have to learn before you find your true love.

Are You Hiding Your Loneliness

Many times we cover up our true feelings of loneliness. This can happen while we are single, or even in a relationship. You may find yourself working constantly, so you have something to occupy your time. So that you can say you just don’t have the time for a social life, or to keep you from being alone with your thoughts.

You may find that you don’t put forth the effort that you used to take care of yourself. You may dread having to get dressed up and go out to an event. You may not even want to leave the house for social outings. You don’t have any friends or family members that you are genuinely close to and interact with on a regular basis.

Feeling sorry for yourself is often at the root of loneliness. You reminisce about the times you used to have with someone special, and idealize your past relationship. You fall into a rut of thinking that you’ll never be that happy again, or that you’ll never be that happy without someone to love you. Relationships can be very fulfilling and bring lots of happiness, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be lonely and miserable if you don’t have someone to love.

Tips For Overcoming Loneliness

You don’t have to have a relationship to overcome loneliness. There are many ways to connect with people and love your life while you are waiting on the right person to appear.

Get a pet

Don’t just get a pet. Get a pet and do things with them. Walk your dog, or offer to take your neighbors dog for a walk. Pets make people more approachable, and they give you something to chat about.

Get Interested

Pick up those hobbies that you used to enjoy. Meet people who are passionate about the same things you are by going out and enjoying your favorite activities. Just getting out and having fun is one of the best cures for loneliness.

Build Non-Romantic Relationships

If you don’t have a support system, it’s time to build one. Make friends with people that will be there when you need them. You will still experience times of loneliness, but it will be much easier with friends to support you. You will have to get out of the house and meet new people to build this network. It can be challenging, and you may find that you have to fake it till you make it. Senior citizens are full of wisdom that they would love to share. Consider talking to older family members or visiting your local retirement home and making friends with some of the residents. These relationships can be incredibly rewarding.

Take Responsibility

Take responsibility for your own happiness, and understand that these feelings of loneliness will pass. At the end of the day, your happiness comes from inside you, not from anyone else. Keep working on doing things that you love, making new connections, and figuring out what makes you happy, and your loneliness will pass. You will find yourself in a much better position to accept your true love into your life as well.

Everyone deserves true love in their life. Someone that they share a spiritual and physical connection with. Someone that can fulfill them on all levels. That person is out there, you’ve just got to be ready to find them.

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