Approaching , getting numbers and creating trust is mentioned alot but when it comes to sealing the deal how do you fair?
Actually getting a women into bed can prove difficult – this is another time like approaching when guys tend to freeze up and make a mountain out of a mole hill.
The ease with which you can transition into sex will depend on how smoothly the night has gone. If their has been little flirting , touching and sexual tension the jump to sex seems too far… If throughout the night you have been bridging the gap with good keno and some kissing then sex becomes a natural progression.
Even so… the line “let’s have sex” will still have some stigma attached to it.
I would suggest that you never let it come to this – women rarely agree to have sex with a guy from a rational intellectual point of view. It’s because they are aroused or in an emotional state. Getting a girl into bed involves the transition up a ladder – the first rung being eye contact across the room, the next rung of the ladder being the approach.
Most guys understand the first half of the ladder quite well but when they get up to the giddy heights of sexual transition most freak out and revert to horny desperate pleas for sex.
Most women do feel nervous during this first time with you as well so they will forgive a bit of hesitancy on your part.
Here’s how to make the night run smoothly for the two of you:
When I mentioned that women say yes to sex from an emotional point of view I meant it. You have to keep her in this “turned on” state which is especially important before hand.
The big mistakes men make before sex:
- They don’t assume that she want’s it
- They make her decide!
- They create big transition gaps
- They pull her out of state
- They get nervous and lose confidence
- Skipping out rungs on the transition ladder
Most guys will assume that they are working with pandoras box and they don’t have the key… Assumptions can be costly so it’s safe to be a little hesitant but when the time is right you have to believe that she wan’ts you just as much as you want her.
NEVER let her make the yes/no decision on sex. “do you want to have sex?” might seem like an innocent even polite question to ask but it usually ends with a hesistant “ahhh….ummm…. i dont know…!”
She might even sound a little annoyed when she says this… It’s because she is frustrated that you made her make the decision that should have been yours to make.
The last thing she wants is to come across slutty. Just trust me on that one – women do not like having to make this decision.
In fact it shouldn’t have to come to this in the first place – you should be able to transition from kissing to sex without uttering a word.
What I mean by this is guys want a straight up “let’s have sex” phrase from a girl – in most cases we don’t get it – instead women are happy to give flirtatious hints about what they are thinking… Or they wont give any hints at all they just wont say no to any of your advances.
If she is not letting on that she is interested in sex but she hasn’t rejected any of your ideas during the night keep testing her with more and more sexual hints.
Read into what she really want’s by what her body language is telling you.
By transition gaps I mean large time or distance gaps – she may have agreed to take things further but she is forced to think about the decision because of your lack of planning. A more literal example would be having to travel long distances to your house from the bar and her getting bored… You forgetting protection and having to make a trip to the store while she thinks about you as a good choice!
Keep her in state:
Transition gaps pull her out of the emotional state she was in when she said yes – rather than chatting about your annoying boss before sex keep up the sexual romantic or mysterious tension that you had when she agreed (through body language or inference/hinting)
Getting nervous is natural – especially if this is your first time with this girl and she is nervous too – embrace it and even bring it up. She will thank you for making apparent that both of you can be nervous or apprehensive together and it be ok. But don’t let your nerves make you act like a wimp and not take action with a women that clearly want’s it… Nerves do have a habit of knocking your confidence.
When you skip rungs in the transition ladder it’s like jumping head first into a hottub… apart from breaking your nose on the bottom the head is to much of a jump in senses. Warm her up with flirting during the comfort and trust phase. Make sure you hold her hand or that she is ok with touching you before going in for the kiss… Make sure you have kissed her before moving on to the next rung. To many guys try to jump into the deep end without dipping their feet in first.