The Hookup Site Secret Only 20% of Men Know

Hookup sites are the fastest, the cheapest, and the most fun way to find casual sex and friends with benefits.

But it ain’t easy as it sounds.

While the small minority of guys delight in lots of casual sex, the big majority gets disappointed and quits online dating altogether.

Why is that? Are hookup sites skewed or are the guys doing something terribly wrong?

Let’s find out!

The first time I used a hookup site was eight years ago. It was just shortly after I broke up with a girl I was madly in love with.

I remember it as it was yesterday when my best friend Matt surprised me and shocked me with stories of his newest sexual escapades.

“Man, this week I’m going on two dates, with two different girls.”

“The first one is called Annie, and she’s a nurse. The other is Marie. She’s a recently divorced hairdresser, and she’s quite older than me. But man, she’s hot as hell”.

At first, I was shocked. Then, I felt happy for my friend Matt. Then,  excitement took over me, and I ran home smiling.

I knew at that moment that hookup sites are the solution for my broken heart and that I also want to try out my luck. I desperately needed to forget my ex-girlfriend and casual sex with a new girl seemed like the best remedy.

As soon as I entered my room, I opened my laptop and typed Ok Cupid in the search engine. I scribbled a lousy and incomplete profile and asked my sister to snap a few photos of me outside, on the balcony (for better lighting of course ), and in seconds I was sending hearts and messages to random girls.

My expectations were huge.


The reality was sad 🙁

That’s right, my first trip to hookup sites land was a total failure. I got exactly zero replies, but at least two girls checked my profile.

I failed to replicate Matt’s success that time, but I knew it was a beginning of a new chapter in my life.

Wait, why am I telling you this story?

You see, my story is not unique at all. It’s similar, almost identical to the stories of millions of men around the world.

They all hear about online dating and hookup sites, and they get all excited at the mere thought of having sex with various random women.

But, in reality, only a small minority of men succeed at meeting any girls on hookup sites.

In this post, we’ll try to answer the question:

Why only 20 % of guys get any dates and sex on hookup sites while the rest get nothing, and what you can do to become one of the lucky ones?

Pareto principle applied to hookup sites
Why only 20% of men get sex and dates on hookup sites?
Have dating sites and hookup sites changed the way we date?
Paradox of Choice
Are hookup sites the best place to find casual sex?
Why do some guys fail at finding sex on hookup sites
How to become a become a 20%er and meet girls on hookup sites
Successful guys on hookup apps always improve themselves
The characteristics of a perfect sex buddy
Where to find casual sex online?
Where to find casual sex partners apart from dating and hookup websites?
How to stay safe and always have a good experience on hookup sites and apps

The Pareto principle applied to hookup sites.

Many of you have heard of the Pareto principle, and for you that haven’t it states:

The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor sparsity) says that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

We can apply the Pareto principle in almost any area of our life.

For example: If we want to lose weight and lose fat we have a lot of choices to do it. We can run, hike, ride a bike, train a martial art or completely change our diet.

We have a lot of options to choose from.

But according to Pareto principle, only 20 % of our actions will lead to 80% of the results. In our example, we could do every exercise imaginable, or we could choose only one at stick to it. If we decide to run and stick to it every day, that will be enough to get the 80 % of results.

If we apply the Pareto principle to hookup sites and dating sites, we get the same results. It appears that only the top 20% are successful at getting dates and sex, while the rest 80% struggle to get any dates at all.

Why only 20% of men get sex and dates on hookup sites?

Everyone wants what is best for them. We want to attract the most beautiful partner we can get. We want to get the best job possible and be more successful. We want to have big houses and fast cars.

It’s merely in the human nature to always strive for bigger and better things.

The same thing applies to women. You see, women are very picky about who they date and have sex with. They also want to attract only the best looking, the most wealthy and most fun guys.

It’s a well-known truth that women are most attracted to:

  • looks
  • wealth
  • and status

On hookup websites, women have almost an unlimited choice, and of course, they’ll pick only the best for themselves. Can you blame them? Aren’t you doing the same thing?

Women are also competing among themselves for the guys in the top 20 %. The competition is fierce, and some women also have a hard time on hookup sites.

What does that mean for you, my friend? Well, it seems that finding sex on hookup sites is not much different than finding sex in the real world. You are always competing with other guys in one way or the other.

That means -don’t hate the player, hate the game. Don’t hate women, but become better at playing the game instead.

That means that if you want to have success online, you’ll have to treat it more seriously and do whatever is necessary to improve yourself as a man. Self-improvement and working on yourself are essential parts of every mans life.

Every one of us can do something to improve the way we look.

  • We can work on our body,
  • get a better haircut,
  • or choose a better clothing style.

We can all work harder on our life’s missions to become more successful and wealthy.

We can also apply the Pareto principle in the way we use hookup sites. The emphasis of this article is finding sex on hookup sites.

That means that not every hookup site or hookup app will be an excellent fit to fulfill your goal of finding sex.

  • Only 20 % of all hookup sites will give you 80% of results.
  • Only 20 % of girls you talk to will meet you in real life. The rest 80  % will either flake or stop responding to your messages.
  • Only the 20 % of first dates will end up with sex.

All of that is possible but only if you continuously improve yourself and work on yourself. With practice, you’ll be able to tell which 20 % of your actions give you the best return. The rest, all the small details you’ll pick and learn as you go.

And when we say the top 20 %, that doesn’t mean some unreachable category reserved only for the model looking guys. Quite to the contrary- to be in the top 20 %, all you need to do is to be better than the rest 80 % of guys. And the 80 % is your average regular guys.

Have dating sites and hookup sites changed the way we date?

Technology has also completely changed the way we date. Online dating gives us an amount of choice that wouldn’t be possible any other way. It’s so convenient that you can meet many potential partners in the same day from the comfort of your living room.

You no longer have to spend your nights at the bar looking for a girl to hook up with. You no longer have to go on a first date with a girl to find out that she wants to be married before she’s thirty and you may never want to get married.

All these details are on display right on their profile, so you have some idea of whether or not you are compatible. If you are more interested in sexual compatibility, there are dating sites for that as well. You can easily find a woman who’s into the same kinks that you are, without an awkward conversation.

Cell phones have upped the game considerably as well. You can date anytime anywhere as long as you have a phone signal. You don’t have to wait until you get home from work to see your latest Tinder match.

Some may say that online dating has ruined romance. People no longer begin a relationship with a longing look across a crowded room. Feel so drawn to each other that they can’t stop talking, and realize they are in love when the sun comes up.

However, people don’t waste time going on blind dates with people they have nothing in common with, and they don’t settle for the best option in their circle of friends, either.

According to Pew Research,

  • 59% of Americans view online dating as an excellent way to meet people.
  • 35% of today’s relationships begin online.

Studies also show that:

  • 40% of Americans have used online dating, with the demographic being reasonably evenly between men and women.
  • Given that 50% of the population is single, it seems that nearly everyone who is looking for a partner are doing so online.

The internet also offers you an opportunity to move beyond the mainstream cookie-cutter dating advice. Men can band together and learn what works. You can leave political correctness and misconceptions behind and reclaim your manhood.

Online dating has completely changed the game, and being able to speak with other men who are successful can improve your dating results. Women are notorious for banding together and offering each other advice. It’s time that men start doing the same, with real information that works. It’s time to stop trying to please everyone else and begin to answer to yourself.

Is too much choice on hookup sites a good thing?

It’s evident that internet gave us an unlimited choice and, the choice is good for us. But, with too much choice one interesting phenomenon occurs.

It’s called “the Paradox of Choice.”

The Paradox of Choice – Why More Is Less is a 2004 book by American psychologist Barry Schwartz. In the book, Schwartz argues that eliminating consumer choices can significantly reduce anxiety for shoppers.

Autonomy and Freedom of choice are critical to our well being, and options are essential to freedom and independence. Nonetheless, though modern Americans have more choice than any group of people ever has before, and thus, presumably, more freedom and independence, we don’t seem to be benefiting from it psychologically.

— quoted from Ch.5, The Paradox of Choice, 2004

So it’s pretty evident that choice is good for our autonomy and freedom, but too much choice can spoil us, makes us unhappy and make us miss on the opportunities that are available. In other words, we always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and miss out on the things right in front of our nose.

If your goal is to have casual sex with as many women as possible from hookup sites, maybe a better solution is to be less picky and enjoy all the experiences and opportunities that come your way.

The truth is that the guys who have a lot of sex, with a lot of different women, don’t always sleep with the most beautiful ones-they sleep with a lot of average and cute girls, and once in a while, they meet a stunning girl.

To consistently sleep with the most beautiful girls you’ll have to be either genetically gifted with great looks or acquire some fame and status. We’re talking about 2 % of the most desirable men- think Leonardo di Caprio and Brad Pitt.

But as you already know, to find sex partners on hookup sites all you need to be is above average- in the 20 %.

Are hookup sites the best place to find casual sex?

You may be intimidated by the competition of online dating. After all, there are lots of men online looking for the same thing as you are. However, most of these men have entirely no idea what they are doing, and this can work to your advantage.

You see all of these clueless men lower women’s expectations, making it much easier for a man who understands them to impress them.

Online dating has also allowed us to express our wants, desires, and even fetishes in a manner we never thought possible. It’s easy to browse profiles and see who’s interested in a relationship, who wants to hook up, and who will take you on a sexual thrill ride.

If you prefer a specific hair color, age, height, or ethnicity, you can filter out people who don’t meet your preferences. If you tried to do this in your everyday life, you would be called a racist and a shallow pig, but online it’s perfectly acceptable. It’s even expected.

There are even websites and apps for nearly any niche you can imagine.

Want to date:

  • cougars?
  • BBWs?
  • Vegetarians?
  • Submissives?
  • Asians?

There’s an app for that. Want to match with someone based on astrological compatibility, taste in music, or salads? These lists could go on and on. If you can think of it, there’s likely a dating site or app that caters to it.

People are more open to talking about personal things online as well. Have you ever found yourself saying something through a text, email, or instant message that you wouldn’t dare say in a face to face conversation? Online communication makes it easier to open up, which makes it easier to get intimate.

In a nutshell, hookup sites are a great way to have lots of casual sex with a variety of partners if that’s what you want.

Hooking up online is the fastest and most fun way to meet a compatible sex partner. The best thing of all is that the majority of hookup sites are free. On hookup sites, you get more choice, and it’ll cost you less than going out to a bar or a club.

Of course, there are many factors to take into consideration that will influence the number of girls you can hook up with.

  • your location
  • your age
  • your overall attractiveness
  • your communication
  • and your game- aka your ability to charm the woman enough to meet you outside of the hookup site.

Why do some guys fail at finding sex on hookup sites?

Although meeting girls on hookup sites sounds easy, actually it isn’t. Many small steps and actions need to be accomplished to successfully open a girl online and get her to meet you on a real date.


  • deciding on the type of hookup site, you’ll use,
  • setting up your profile
  • improving your texting and conversation skills.

There’s a good reason why only a small minority of guys gets consistent results online, while a significant majority never get a single reply.

Here is a list of most common mistakes I made on hookup sites, and I saw my friends repeat over and over.

1. Just playing around and not treating hookup sites as a legit way to meet girls

Dabbling around was the first mistake I made when I first started playing with hookup sites. My thinking was: I’ll create something that looks like a profile, upload a photo or two and swipe on everything that breathes.

I didn’t take the time to choose my photos carefully, and I indeed avoided losing time writing bio’s and filling out questionnaires. I thought that two or three of my photos would be enough to charm the ladies and conquer hookup sites.

I waited in hopes for a few days that something will magically happen, but nothing happened. My inbox was so empty that you could hear the crickets chirp.

The majority of guys have the same action plan as I was having. They don’t take the time to prepare their profile and rely on luck instead. But success never comes when we skip the necessary preparation.

To succeed on hookup sites, you must play by the rules that are already tried and tested. That’s why we are blessed to have the internet, where we can discuss and share our experiences with other men who were more successful.

  1.  Guys have unrealistic standards

I’m not saying that having high standards is a bad thing, but having unrealistic expectations is a recipe for disappointment.

Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a thing, or a phenomenon called the sexual market value aka SMV.

SMV is a combination of a few different factors

  • your age
  • your overall attractiveness
  • your wealth
  • your status
  • your game

In a nutshell, SMV is a measurement of desirability or how attractive does the opposite sex finds you. It plays a prominent role for both men and women, and it’s something people perceive very fast and subconsciously.

For example, if girls see you walking around with a beautiful girl in your company, your SMV will be perceived higher in their eyes. You’ll be regarded as more attractive.

Another example: Let’s say your name is Jason. You are 29, and you are an average guy by all measurements. You are of average looks, you have a regular job as the bank clerk, you drive a Toyota Prius, and you love cats. Your profile has three photos, and neither of them expresses your personality nor your interests.

If Jason expects to chat up and hook up with Janine, who is a solid 9 with model looks, has an Instagram account with 3 thousand followers and has a whole army of guys bombarding her inbox with “Hi” messages- he will be very disappointed.

Jason’s and Janine’s sexual market values don’t match. At least not in Janine’s eyes.

You can calculate your SMV here.

Yeah, I know, it sounds shallow and ugly, but that’s how the world works. Either play along or quit playing all together like the MGTOW guys. And I’m not saying at all that”s a bad option. Do whatever tickles your fancy.

On average on hookup sites and dating apps you can expect to hook up with girls who you share the same sexual market value, or a point or two lower. Sometimes you’ll hit the jackpot and match with a girl that is a point above you. Not very different than in the real world.

3. Relying only on free hookup sites and dating apps

Let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with using a free hookup site when you are just starting out. We at Fckme even encourage guys to try free hookup sites first, before purchasing a paid subscription site.

But if your goal is to sleep with lots of girls consistently, with less effort and less time spent, paid hookup sites and dating apps have their advantages.

With a lot of free hookup sites, you are allowed to use only a baseline of functionality, and a lot of the perks and options that are available to paid members are going to be restricted to you.

With a free membership on hookup sites and apps you can’t:

  • see who looked at your profile
  •  message the most attractive girls directly
  • you only have a limited number likes or matches you can use every day
  •  use the video chat option
  • on some hookup sites like Tinder, your visibility will be restricted, and you’ll appear less visible to the most attractive girls. ( this is a well-known rumor)
  1. Not responding to messages and not inviting girls on dates- because of the fear of rejection

Just like in real life, to win over the girl you must play to win, and playing to win means you’ll lose a lot. So, hold that thought in your mind and prepare yourself for a lot of rejections, unanswered messages, flakes and straight out ignores. It’s the name of the game, and you better leave your ego at the door.

Getting rejected is indeed not an enjoyable experience, but it will happen. Meeting girls on hookup sites is just like in the real world- a numbers game. If you want to have lots of sex, you’ll have to invite a lot of girls on dates and risk a lot of rejection. It’s a lot of work, but that’s why the most successful guys always follow a proven system- we’ll talk about it in a minute.

A lot of guys don’t even text girls they match. The same applies to women.

5. Not putting in the effort to learn how to text girls on hookup sites.

On hookup sites, great photos are the essential part. Without good and professional images you don’t stand a chance. And while great photos are your entrance card, your abilities to compose an amusing and exciting conversation starters are your wild cards.

Having abilities to hook the girl and get her attention with your opening message, and make her forget, even for a second on her crowded inbox, is what will get you the dates and make you unique among the commoners.

For the vast majority of guys, their first opening message to the girl is “Hi”- and in most cases, it’s also their last. Just put yourself in the girl’s shoes for a moment and imagine you have a full inbox of unanswered messages. Half of them wrote Hi, while the other half was even more imaginative and wrote- Hello, how are you?

don’t be this guy

texting on hookup sites

Then came a guy who spared a minute to read the girls profile, looked at her photos, and in just a few minutes he discovered a few facts that he’ll use to craft a perfect opener message. He learned that the girl loves to hike, visit foreign countries and sing in the shower.

Then he proceeded to write something like this:

Oh hello, fellow traveler. I see you like to sing in the shower. I like to yodel from the top of the mountain. Beat that if you can!

6. Guys who reek of desperation and neediness fail on hookup sites

Although you are on a hookup website, it’s never a good idea to mention sex in your first few messages. It’s always best to break the ice and politely, introduce yourself and get to know the other person.

You’ll have plenty of time to talk about the dirty stuff later.

That’s where lots of guys go wrong on hookup sites. They send messages like Hey sexy!, Whatsupp sexy?, Wanna bang?

Unfortunately, those messages are in the same category as the “Hi” opening message. They are ripe for ignoring.

If the girl is ready to get down to business straight away, she’ll give you hints that are hard to miss. Or she’ll tell you directly.

How to become a become a 20%er and meet girls on hookup sites

When you first hear that only the small minority of guys have any success on hookup sites, it sounds hard, almost impossible to compete. But in reality, it isn’t so hard to become one of the lucky ones.

To outcompete the rest 80 % of guys all you need to do is become above average.

  • successful guys have above average profiles
  • above average profile photos
  • above ordinary and interesting lifestyles
  • above average clothing style
  • above average texting game

The truth is that 80 % of guys fail at these requirements and that holds them back from getting dates and sex on hookup sites. Not only on hookup websites but in the real world also.

The guys who get dates and sex on hookup sites are not all model looking and rich. They’ve just learned what works and what doesn’t, and they set up their profiles to stand out from all the other average guys.

To get dates and sex on hookup sites, you only need to be above average.

The other thing is that all the successful guys follow a proven system that helps them to save time, and get them to sex much faster. They’ve learned what works and what doesn’t.

Follow these steps if you intend to use hookup sites, and you should experience massive improvement.

  1. Create a profile that stands out.

Having a great profile photo is the single most important thing in online dating, and it’s not just about how attractive you are. Not everyone can be a ten. Luckily, being GQ attractive isn’t required to have an attention-grabbing profile photo.

  • Your clothing,
  • lighting,
  • facial expression,
  • and background

Are all factor into how attractive your photo appears.

Your profile is your representation online. Think of it the same way you would a job application. When you apply for a job, your application is what tells the potential employer who you are. It’s your opportunity to sell yourself.

Your online dating profile is your first impression. It’s what will make women decide they are interested in getting to know you, or not.

Here are a few examples of great vs. lousy profile photos and bios.

Bad one

hookup sites photos

Good profile photo and bio.


Photos to avoid on a hookup site

No bathroom selfies-

Let’s be real, this should be a common sense. Bathroom selfies are a turnoff, especially if the girl can see a roll of toilet paper in the background.

If you must use a selfie, at least take it somewhere outside.  The lightning will be better, and you’ll avoid looking like a weirdo.

Don’t wear a hat on every photo.

If you are wearing a hat on every photo, it looks like you’re hiding something. If you are balding, that’s not a problem. The problem is when you start to hide it. Instead of hiding your baldness, own it completely- It makes you look confident and sure of yourself.

Avoid only headshots-use at least one full body photo.

Let’s be honest physical attractiveness is fundamental when we choose a hookup partner. The girls will be curious what your body looks like.

Avoid sleazy cutesy photos

You know the ones, where a guy is laying on his side, with a sad/serious/sexy look at his face, as he’s looking somewhere at a distance, or at a poster of Tokyo hotel on his wall.

Avoid photos of lousy quality.

Everyone owns a mobile phone these days. The majority of phones have great cameras. Avoid using photos that are out of focus, blurred and with bad lighting.

To get the best results, hire a professional photographer, or ask your friend to take photos of you.

Avoid using emoticons in your profile bio.

Emojis are acceptable if you are 17, but if you are older than 25 using too many emotions and smiley faces makes you look childish, not like a candidate for a casual hookup.

To summarize

  • Make your bio short and to the point
  • Describe yourself in few words- who are you, what are you doing in your life- doesn’t have to be in-depth, but it should paint a small picture of who you are as a person.
  • If you are taller than 5,9, add that to your bio with your location. It seems that people with their height in their bio attract more matches than the people without.
  • Use 3 or 4 high-quality photos.

2. Successful guys know how to get the girls attention and get them interested on hookup sites.

Women are inundated with messages and potential matches on hookup sites. To get their attention, you’ve got to differentiate yourself from the crowd. Most men put minimal effort into their profile and messages- that’s good news for you because it makes it easy to stand out from the lackluster competition. All it takes is a little imagination and effort to become the cream of the online dating crop.

Successful guys learn how to use emotional spikes-that gets women very interested in them very quickly. It creates attraction and excitement. They appear to be a challenge, and suddenly women are making all the effort to get their attention.

In a nutshell, the emotional spike could be anything that makes the girl feel some emotion. You could make her piss her pants from laughter, or slightly provoke her. You can make her self-conscious and curious with a little neg wrapped in a joke.

So, to get girls attention on hookup sites you need

  • great photos
  • Write first messages tailored for a specific girl- after you’ve read her profile and checked out her pictures). The best first messages are compelling, open-ended so that the girl can add to the conversation, and they add value.

If you send a message that says “hi” you are not adding any value. The girl will see the note and move on.

3. Successful guys move the conversation offline as soon as possible

The point of online dating is for it to lead to real life dating. Many men waste lots of time and effort talking to women online when they could be enjoying them in real life. Stop chatting online until the girl gets bored and moves on, and start meeting them in real life.

Successful guys always have in mind their end goal- to get a girl to meet them in real life on a date. Hookup sites are just a tool, and it’s best to avoid spending too much time texting the girl there.

A good approach is to exchange 8 to 10 messages and then invite the girl for drinks.

To find an interested girl on hookup sites, you must be fast at recognizing the girls that are interested vs. the ones who aren’t.

4. Guys who get success on hookup websites are good at dating.

Getting a girl to go on a date with you is only half the battle. You want the first date to be something you both enjoy. Nothing kills attraction faster than a boring date.

Being prepared is very important to maximize your results on hookup sites. The successful guys know that and make preparations in advance.

You should know in advance two or three great bars to get drinks, ideally not too far from your place. That way you are maximizing your chance of date ending with some sexy times.

Have in mind the transportation- how you’ll go on a  date and how you’ll return.

Successful guys always have condoms ready. They anticipate that the sex will happen. You should do the same.

To be great at dating, you must be a good leader Girls love guys with a plan.  If you must ask a girl for ideas, you’ve already lost the game.


Successful guys on hookup apps always improve themselves

There are two aspects of self-improvement- inner and outer.

Inner self-improvement focuses on your mindset, confidence, and skills. Outer self-improvement focuses on your physical appearance. To succeed in online dating, both types of self-improvement are essential.


Outer self-improvement

Working on your outward appearance will make you more confident and more attractive. Take an honest look at your presentation and enlist the help of a few friends who will be brutally honest.

  • Do you need to lose a few pounds?
  • Is your current haircut outdated?
  • Does your clothing look like you got it at Goodwill?

Figure out what needs the most work with regards to your physical appearance, and focus on that.

However, that doesn’t mean that you are entirely off the hook in other areas. There’s always room for improvement. Most men can benefit from an exercise program or a few days at the gym. Most men could use an update to their wardrobe as well.

If you can, take a female friend or family member to go shopping with you. If not, you may want to hire a personal stylist. Your clothes say a lot about who you are, and for most men, fashion isn’t their strong suit.

Lastly, consider your grooming habits. If you have a beard, trim it.  Your eyebrows shouldn’t hide your face,  wax them (professionally of course).

The same thing goes for nose or ear hair. Chest and leg hair comes down to personal preference. Some women find it sexy. Back hair is always unattractive. When it comes to the nether region, women appreciate a certain amount of trimming. You don’t have to mow the grass, but pruning the hedges is recommended.

   When it comes to the hair on your head, it should be groomed as well. It should be clean and brushed. You’ll do better choosing a hairstyle that suits your face or fits your personality than selecting the latest trendy cut. Just make sure it looks like its seen a brush that day.

It goes without saying that you should smell good. A clean manly smell is always a safe bet. Body wash and deodorant are low maintenance ways to accomplish this. You don’t have to bathe in cologne.

Your breath should smell good as well. Brush your teeth. If you are in doubt, use gum or mint when you are out.

Your clothing should be clean, in good shape, and free of wrinkles. Wrinkled or holey shirts will undo all your grooming efforts.

The same goes for your shoes. The type of shoe you choose to wear isn’t critical unless you are dressing up. However, your shoes should always be clean and well maintained. Trust me. Women notice.

Inner Self-improvement

hookup sites mindset

Let’s start with your mindset.

First, you’ve got to get out of a mentality of wondering if you are good enough. Instead, you should be wondering if women you’re dating are good enough for you. Focus on your needs and desires first, instead of always worrying about pleasing others. This may sound selfish, but it’s really about having firm boundaries, self-respect, and confidence.  

How different would a first date be if you were wondering if you would like them instead of whether they would like you?

If you were wondering if you would find them attractive instead of whether or not you are attractive enough for them? If you went on a date with the mindset of letting them prove their worth to you, instead of hoping you would make a good enough impression on the first date?

Can you see how differently you would feel about that date? How much more confident you would be? How much freedom would you have to just be yourself, without worrying about whether the girl would like you?

The simplest way to change your mindset is to change your inner dialogue.

Does your inner voice tell you that you deserve the best? Or that only average women will like you? Does it tell you that you are attractive, or that women won’t be attracted to you? Does your inner voice bring confidence or self-doubt?

You have control over what this inner voice says. When you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself, replace it with something positive.

Spend time each day speaking these affirmations.

  • I deserve respect
  • I’m attractive and sexy
  • I deserve to be treated well, and others will see this
  • I’m confident and interesting
  • I’m in control of my happiness
  • I won’t settle for less than I deserve
  • I embrace my masculinity
  • I’m proud of who I am


You can add others to this list as well. Say them at least once each day, preferably looking into the mirror.


Inner self-improvement doesn’t end with your internal dialogue. Anytime you are learning something of value; you are improving yourself. This includes knowledge as well as new skills and hobbies.

 Make it a point always to be learning something new or improving at something. Learn about the culture in other countries or improve your golf game. Pursue your hobbies and interests, but keep learning and growing. This makes you more confident and more interesting.

   You can improve yourself by helping others as well. Teach someone a hobby you’ve mastered, volunteer, or donate clothing to a homeless shelter. Pay for the next person’s meal at the fast food drive-thru. You’ll be amazed what giving to others does for your self-confidence.

You’ll also need to have healthy boundaries and standards. Women can sense what you will and won’t accept. Men who won’t put up with lots of bs are more attractive to women, particularly high-quality women.

Spend some time considering what you will and won’t accept, and stick to it. This can involve physical characteristics, behavior, and personality. If you want a woman with an athletic body who is easygoing, on time and has a bubbly personality, you shouldn’t settle for less than that.

The characteristics of a perfect sex buddy-by women’s standards.


Although casual sex is not a taboo topic anymore, and the usage of hookup sites and apps is continuously on the rise,  women still like to conduct their affairs in private. For a woman, her social reputation is critical and the last thing any woman wants s to be called a slut.

With that in mind, It seems that women are looking for a specific type of guy for casual sex on hookup sites. While researching the topic I’ve found these characteristic repeated most often.

  • He’s discreet

That means that you can keep your sex affair a secret and not share every saucy detail with your buddies.

It also means that you can keep your cool if you bump into each other by accident somewhere in public. Keep your cool and enjoy the rest in the privacy

  • He’s fun

Nobody likes a boring date. Casual hookups should be fun and relaxing. When the two of you are spending time together, avoid boring topics and broad subjects. The goal is to have fun and enjoy the sexual connection.

Which leads us to the next point.


  • He’s sexual

The best sex happens when partners have no inhibitions and shame in expressing their sexual desires, needs and wants.

Use the time when you two meet to have fun and explore each other’s fantasies. If your partner wants to be tied up and spanked- grant her that wish.

  • He’s not judgmental

The last thing any woman or any person wants is to be judged for their sexual fantasies. A real sexual man can make a woman feel appreciated and sexy, without them feeling sorry for hooking up.

  • He’s not from the same social circle

This one is also closely tied to the woman’s preference to keep their social status intact. That’s why they often choose a casual sex partner from hookup sites. They can enjoy all the sex they want, without anyone ever knowing about it.

Hooking up with people from your close social circle or even worse your job can get messy at times, especially if the feeling get involved.

  • He smells good

Bad breath and body odor can ruin the sexual attraction before it even happens. To prevent that, make sure that you always smell good. The smell of your perfume on your girl’s bed sheets will leave her thinking about your next rendezvous in anticipation.

Where to find casual sex online? – The best hookup sites.

Having so many online dating sites, hookup sites and apps can easily confuse people.

They don’t know where even to begin. To help you we’ve compiled this list of the best dating and hookup sites available today.

Most popular dating sites and apps

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Click on the link and read our full, honest review.

Where to find casual sex partners apart from dating and hookup websites?

Dating apps and hookup websites are the fastest and cheapest way to find a casual sex partner that meets your criteria. But there are also other, less conventional ways to accomplish that goal.

Find hookups on Craigslist

Everyone has heard of craigslist, but not everyone knows that you can also use it to find casual sex. Craigslist is not a hookup site, but an online American classified advertisements ads website.

To find casual sex on Craigslist, browse through the sections and answer the ads you find particularly interesting. To increase your chances, you can place your ad and describe in detail what you’re looking for.

Find hookups on Reddit

Reddit is the 6th most popular website in the world. It’s like a giant web forum with millions of subforums on different topics-from cooking, sports, etc. For almost any topic you can imagine there is a Reddit subforum.

Although Reddit is not a hookup site, people are using the appropriate subreddits to find casual sex. Usually, when people make the first contact, they move to another form of communication, usually WhatsApp, email or Snapchat.

Some of the most popular subreddits for finding a hookup are:

  • Dirtysnapchat
  • Dirty Kikpals
  • Dirty4r
  • Dirtywhatsapp

Find casual sex at good old bars and clubs

Everyone knows that Friday and Saturday nights are prime time to hit the clubs in the quest for casual sex. Although you’ll probably spend more time, money and energy, clubs and bars are still an excellent option to find casual sex if you know what you’re doing.

Also, it’s worth to mention that the popularity of clubs is falling drastically in recent years. I bet all the hookup sites, and dating apps are partially to blame.

How to stay safe and always have a good experience on hookup sites and apps

To have the best possible experience on a hookup site, follow some safety guidelines. Although the majority of free hookup sites collects only your e-mail address and guarantee on the safety of your personal information, it’s always best to err on the safe side and take necessary precautions.

On almost any hookup site you’ll find

  • Fake profiles
  • scammers,
  • crazy people
  • Stalkers.

That’s why it’s important to be careful when meeting strangers.

Get to know someone before meeting in person.

Don’t be too hasty and arrange a meeting after knowing a person for only 5 minutes. Take your time and get to know the other person first. At the first sign of trouble or problematic behavior eject and stop the communication.

Move the conversation from hookup sites to other mediums of communication.

After you’ve established the communication and got to know the person better, suggest moving on WhatsApp, email, video chat or Facebook. Try to find as much information about the other person before you decide to meet in person.

Exchange photos, make a video call or talk on the phone.

You never know if the other person is lying about their looks, age, or even sex. A quick video call or a phone call can resolve all your dilemmas. As a bonus, you’ll hear other persons voice.

Choose only reputable sites

With thousands of dating and hookup websites, not all of them are of the same quality.

That’s why we at Fckme prepared for you the list of 100 best and most reliable dating and hookup sites. 100 best and most reliable dating sites.

Always meet in public first

After you’ve decided that you want to meet in person, it’s best to do it in a public place first. It’s never a good idea to go to a total strangers house or invite them to yours.

There you go, you have all the information you need to succeed on hookup sites and find a sex partner of your preference.

Maybe you won’t succeed at first, but always learn from your mistakes and continuously improve your profile.  You’ll be a 20%er in no time.

As always, have fun and stay safe!


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