Post from an anonymous reader: edited by PL staff
First let’s remove any idea that I got my ex back with sneaky tricks or crazy psychological voodoo.
This is how I really got my ex back!
I got him back by working on myself and practicing self reflection and growth. I gave myself some time to look inward at the reasons why he left me in the first place. The most important process of all was getting my emotions under control enough so that I could see right from wrong.
It wasn’t all his fault and it wasn’t all mine – we often argued for pointless reasons just because we were sick of each other… Not because there was anything wrong with the relationship… sometimes we just needed space
We argued because there wasn’t enough money – not because either of us hated each other
I was able to put things into perspective and find the areas of the relationship that were causing all of the bullshit to happen.
When the clouds cleared in my mind I was able to give myself some much needed emotional rest – I started to focus on the now and live life again.
But not before I speculated at all of the negative simulations in my head about whether he cheated on me and what he was doing now with other women… It drove me mad.
The best advice I could give is do NOT speculate and simulate! You have no idea what he is up to and based on conversations with male friends he basically felt the same way I did. Guys tend to feel worse after breakups than girls do and it take them a long time to come right.
So you might be wondering how I really got my ex boyfriend back – After all every situation is different… but mine is pretty relatable and should be a common thread amongst most breakups.
He broke up with me because he felt suffocated and tired of the relationship – he said he needed some room. This was very very tough for me to take. It wasn’t anything I was really doing but it turned out I was very demanding on him. He said that he didn’t need another mother and that’s basically what I had become.
Our sex life had died because there wasn’t any romance left and I didn’t feel sexy to him anymore. Same old theme I guess…
After I recovered from my blubbering crying mess stage I moved through the self reflection stage and into action mode.
I realized that to get my ex boyfriend back I actually would have to change something about my personal life and decisions. He wasn’t going to take an identical girlfriend back into his life because that’s what he left in the first place. This important distinction was tough to accept and it was only after I moved OUT of denial and into acceptance that it occurred to me that I had to change.
Most of all I realized how unrealistic I had become and how much I was expecting of my boyfriend. I was no longer the sexy fun outgoing girl he had gone out with in the beginning. I guess we had kind of lost ourselves in each other. The breakup was needed and was the best thing for the both of us!
I expected that my boyfriend should ALWAYS be there to support me despite my insanity at times and my moodiness etc. I began to rely on him and lean on him too much. I have heard of girls that go the opposite and take over the whole relationship basically castrating their bf and turning him into a wuss therefore into a guy that they find unattractive. For me it was a little of both I guess.
Either way we were both going mad!
So I got him back obviously but how did it all pan out?
Well on the advice of many I left him alone for a few weeks. During that period of time I matured and had many realizations with the help of my friends. I asked them to be really honest about the whole situation and how I would have come across to them if they were dating me. They were brutally honest and it was tough to accept that I was castrating the hell out of the one guy I loved to death.
Anyway I basically cracked after several weeks and sent out a text that let him know how sorry I was about the whole situation… I let him know that I was wrong to have treated him the way I did and if he wanted to talk about it I was open to it.
Luckily this guy was an opened minded good sort of guy – he was hesitant but happy to give it another go on certain grounds.
I got my ex back because I was able to see myself from another persons shoes….empathy? I guess so.
I got him back because I was open to changing my normal course of action – I tried something knew for once. I looked inward instead of blaming everyone else.
It was the start of a relationship that has been amazing ever since.
The funny thing was that my ex boyfriend never really wanted to break up with me all along. He always wanted me to act more mature and sort out my insecurities. It just got to a point where he couldn’t wait any longer. I guess it took the breakup for me to realize what was wrong.
It was also nice to hear that he had done the exact same reflection regarding his own behavior and wanted to change for the better. I never knew until he told me months after how hard it was for him even though he was the one who broke up with me. I’m so lucky he gave me another chance and that i had the honest support of friends and family to open my eyes so that I could move forward.