There is a huge misconception about having “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) kind of relationship. The same misconception is the number one reason why we don’t easily get into this level of relationship. Proper understanding of this concept will help people find someone who can be their friend with benefits and maintain it without causing a lot of complexity.
Advantages of having Friends with Benefits
A good relationship even with that of “friends with benefits” level should be a two-sided relationship. This means that it will only work if both partners are happy with what they are doing. Here are some advantages of having this type of relationship.
No commitment. If someone entered into FWB relationship there is no commitment required. It’s having sex with no strings attached. There is no real obligation arising from this partnership except keeping each other satisfied in bed.
Either of of the partners can call it to an end and walk on separate ways without any problem whatsoever.
No financial hassles. If you’re in a FWB relationship it means that you are saving a lot of money. There is no need to go for fancy dates and no more buying fancy gifts either. You can hook up at your place or hers or wherever you want to.
Just think about how much money you spend picking up women. As a guy you have to pay for your drinks and buy her some treats or gifts. Today’s trend women who want’s to be treated equal would insist on splitting the bill during dates. If you go out twice or trice a week on dates, that’s still a lot of money.
Free sex when you need it. Want to know how to get sex for free? Find a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits. This friend is someone you can call or text if your feeling like having sex. Plus since you personally know this person, you can easily agree on safe sex practice.
Having a friend and company when you need it. No more boring days or lonely nights. When you feel alone or feeling low, you can call him over and have nice conversation and maybe more.
Fears of having Friends with Benefits.
In spite of these advantages it’s still hard to find someone whom you can have a FWB relationship. Here are some common misunderstood concepts and drawbacks why most people would not welcome getting into a friends with benefits arrangement.
Fear of social discrimination. Not withstanding the fact that we are living on technologically advanced generation, we still follow some social norms and moral standards which discourages sex outside marriage. Some people would not get into this arrangement because they fear social rejection or discrimination.
What you can do, is to live in a most practical lifestyle with broad mind and understanding.
Fear of losing a friend. Proposing a FWB relationship is very risky, you could easily lose a good friend if you don’t know what you’re doing. For some they would choose to protect their “friendship” and would not risk losing it by suggesting sex to into their relationship.
Pregnancy. Since sex is involve in this relationship, the possibility of getting her pregnant is not remote. This fear is not only for women, but also for men. Having unwanted pregnancy can lead to a lot of other problems.
The only solution here is to get protected or get into a birth control program. There are a lot of options here, condoms can both prevent pregnancy and spread of diseases. One of the partners can also get injectables or take pills depending on what they are comfortable with.
Fear of being used. Most women would fear that they will be used as a sex object. This will not happen if you enjoy having sex with him and you get equal satisfaction that he does. For men, they fear that they might be turned into milking cows. There is no problem with being generous so long as it does not hurt you.
Blackmail and other abuse. It will be a disaster if you hookup with psycho or someone who has an ill intention. But remember friends with benefits is a relationship between two people who knows each other, ergo friends.
So be sure that you can trust her or him. Don’t agree into having video recordings or pictures taken when you’re having sex . That picture or video clip can easily be uploaded online for everyone to see.
Fear of getting STD’s. Anyone who is sexually active is a candidate of having sexually transmitted disease. It’s important to always practice safe sex. If your comfortable with it get both of you tested just to be sure.
Steps to Find Friends With Benefits.
Where: Just like picking up a date you can find a friend with benefits from anywhere. Look around most likely you will find him/her in places where you hang out most of the time. Career oriented men or women would find it easy to have an affair with their co-workers. If you like to hook up online, try to look at your online friends network.
You may also join sex personals websites or any adult hookup sites. Just make sure that your profile or ad will clearly state that your just looking for someone to have sex with no strings attached.
The Fundamentals: Understanding the fundamentals of this relationship will help you easily find that someone whom you can have a friends with benefits relationship. The basic premise is pre-qualification. This basically gives us the profile of the likely person fitted to this kind of arrangement.
Single – This type of person is not currently looking for permanent or long-term relationship. They stay single because they like it that way. They love the independence that they have in life.
He/She is not your best friend. You can screw anyone but not your best friend or your good friend. You will risk loosing your friendship if you involve sex into your relationship. Better keep it simple and leave your best buddy from your list, specially if you consider yourselves as siblings.
Living alone – Most people who are open to this relationships are living alone. They don’t really want their immediate family or parents to know that they are hooking up with someone whom they don’t have any serious relationship with.
Does not consider having child/children – Since this relationship is not based emotional impulse, and does not promise anything permanent. Having a child or pregnancy is out of the question.
Local -90% of those who have a friend with benefit is living close to each other. This makes it easier for them to hookup anytime that they like to. Sometimes they are living on the same apartment building or the same suburb. One important feature of this relationship is “convenience factor”, that convenience will be destroyed if you need to travel long distances whenever you want to hookup.
Career oriented – These people does not have time for love or passion to get into a serious love affair. Or perhaps they are not ready for that yet. So they focus all their energy on their career, study or anything that they are doing in life. But they are just humans and from time to time they need to get screwed or screw someone. So having a friend to have sex with is exactly what they need.
Liberal – Never heard of an ultra conservative type of girl or guy who is willing to hookup with no strings attached. This kind of activity or behavior is not their game. So look for someone who is open-minded and has some sense of liberality. They are the most people who are open to this kind of things.
Testing the water. You don’t really want to come in too hot or too cold. It’s important that you test the water. Once you have profile your girl or guy, start on making your first move. The first move is to try to know if he or she is open to having NSA fun.
Just casually suggest the idea without going too strong. For example you can start by saying, “For now I just want to have fun and enjoy until I met that special person who will turn my change my life forever, how about you?” Let the question hang, don’t have eye contact. Having an eye contact will pressure a person to answer with either yes or no.
It’s okay if you don’t get an answer right away, you can still try some other time. On the other hand if you get an agreeing answer then you are making progress. You can proceed to the next step.
Proposal. There are a lot of ways that this could happen. Sometimes you don’t even have to propose the moment will let it happen specially if you’re both horny and needed to get laid. But often times you need to push things a bit further by stating what you have in mind. The general rule is to suggest it casually by inviting him or other over to your place for dinner or movies. Since it’s already clear that both of you are just looking for fun, with no strings attached it’s easier to get ask her for sex without shame or fear or rejection. Neither can say no without any feelings being hurt.
How to Keep a Friends with Benefits Relationship
If you are into a “friends with benefits” relationship you should consider yourself lucky. Although this is a rare situation, not everyone can find or will have the same arrangement that you have. It’s a must that both partners should know how to keep it going between the two of you. Here are some points to remember to make it happen:
Avoid emotional attachment – Once you’ve developed any emotional attachment toward the other then that is the end of it. If you continue on seeing each other and you already have feelings for your partner you become jealous, needy, and attached. This can cause a lot of problems you can call it to an end right there and then. Just stop your feelings or stop seeing each other.
Keep your sexual activity private – Yes your lucky to have sex for free, and sometimes you are sleeping with someone hot. But remember to keep it private, even if your comfortable with everyone knowing that your sleeping with someone with no strings attached you don’t know how your partner will feel if you keep on telling everyone what you do in bed.
Treat each other with mutual respect – You are civilized humans. Treat each other with mutual respect. Don’t treat her or him like a lowlife. Keep in mind to mutually satisfy each other in bed. Don’t think that your giving or asking favors. The rule is, what ever pleasure you received should be equally paid by the same amount of pleasure!
Live socially – You are fuck buddies, but remember that your also friends. So you should treat each other like real friends. Have coffee or lunch together, or even go on small dates or vacations. For some its feels awkward to be seen together outside specially if you’re having a secret affair. But since you don’t have any commitment but to have fun, this should not make either you feel uncomfortable.
How to Drop the Benefits and Keep the Friendship Going
It’s important that both of you should know when to call it quits. This is what makes the arrangement so appealing. If you have done your homework properly you can easily drop the sex part, and still see each other as friends.
But just like a complete gentleman or woman, you should say it in a very nice way. It’s better said face to face rather than through text or phone call. Simply indicate that you like to stop sleeping together, but just want to be friends without the sexual benefits part.
If you’re the one who is hearing this from your friend, just accept it. After all it part of what you have agreed to. Don’t ask for an explanation or think of pursuing what you both had. This will just cause problems for both of you.