You may have been called a loner before – The real name they should have used was a loving introvert high on empathy 🙂
Shame is the fear of disconnection – and introverts experience the fear of shame to a high degree…
Those who do not feel shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection… thus rejoice that you are introverted (50% of the population) because you have the ability to empathize and love perhaps more than any extrovert.
Here is a recent TED talk that gets really good near the end (last 7 minutes of the 20) It goes deep into the fundamental natures of human beings and hopefully will enable you to better understand your own personality.
A big part of the discussion I took home was the reason for the behavior of introverts and extroverts:
A comment by one of the very knowledgeable commenters:
I am a happy, highly introverted person. I prefer my isolation from others because that is where I can do my best thinking and be at my most creative. Extroverts get there energy from being around others while introverts draw it from within. I can assure you that I am not bruised. Some of us simply prefer not to play at your level. Unfortunately we risk being labeled as defective, broken and lonely. We are not. In-fact we are thriving and happy. We just need ‘a lot’ more alone time then you do. Please dont dismis us as broken because it disappoints us that you see us that way. ‘Some loners are bruised people’ but not all of us. Truth be told, the group that suffers the most from social isolation are the extroverts.
But another take home message was the magnitude of the fear of shame (fear of disconnection)
Why do we think we can selectively eliminate certain emotions? It’s so much more courageous to not drink alcohol and beat your own path through life than to conform and never take risks. The non risk takers know they do not have the courage to do as you do and thus try to strike you down with hurtful words.
Why do you numb? (use alcohol and medication)
Do you pretend?
Do you fake your personality to conform?
We are vulnerable (and that’s a GREAT thing)
Brene Brown also mentions being worthy of love and belonging… Some individuals do not believe they are worthy of love.
Let ourselves be seen
Love with our whole hearts
Practice gratitude and joy
I am enough
Being vulnerable is to be alive!