As a man you have to keep the love and chemistry alive. It’s easy to lay back and let others organise and grow around you while you bask in the attention and gratitude of your latest catch but in the end even people you love can be selfish. If a women let’s you know that she loves you and will never leave you should you take this as gospel truth?
People change and circumstances change. What she is saying is that she loves you in this present moment under these circumstances – If you go bankrupt and turn to hard liquor what then? Does she still love you and want to be with you? I have found that even the use of the word love every day is not enough to pull people apart.
Love can be fleeting… Attraction isn’t a choice
You need to remain selfish from a positive standpoint about who you are and what you want out of your life. It’s a delicate balance because the beauty of love is when you give yourself completely to another. You become one, completely relying on them emotionally and spiritually. Except I am not so sure that that last phrase on reliance. You need to remain solid emotionally through the relationship and remain somewhat independent of your partner.
Whether this be financially independent or emotionally it’s up to you, as a man if you think that your work is done once you snag your women then you are most certainly mistaken.
Don’t forget the Millions of single guys working hard to have what you have around your arm. Once you have found that amazing women who you really connect with keep up the independence.
Keep up the fight to be better , to be more independent, to be more happy with your life, to want more, to give more.
Many guys fall into the trap of becoming the lazy married guy. You women will slowly become disinterested in you and she will seem more and more unattractive in your eyes. You will lose the power over the relationship that you once had and your wife will become more dominant and demanding. Soon if you are not careful your relationship will no longer be the happy exiting and exhilarating experience you had hoped for.
All because you forgot to remain slightly selfish about what you want and who you are as a man. Many men are able to remain independent and solid through long term relationships but there is a trend amongst the men that don’t.
In todays society it is no secret that money is power. If you want to remain in control it pays to be able to pay the bills! If you have enough cash to say screw it and suggest a trip away from work and stress to get your mind right you are in a great position. Instead of being stressed and anxious about your lack of power in the relationship turn the TV off and get working on a “muse” (4hourworkweek.com) Something that will bring in money without you working on it. This extra money may well be what it takes to get you back in control.
It’s important for us to feel like we are important members of the community in which we live. Providing money is
one of the modern day functions that men have adopted. If you are not providing for the family as much as you should it is tough to just “feel” powerful. It’s much easier to actually go out there and be more in control through attainment of capital… Does money bring happiness? No… but dam well helps!
To keep the relationship alive you must be one “spiritually” but also be happy, individual singles that have lives and friends outside the relationship. This will keep things fresh as you will have interesting stories and experiences independent of your marriage/ relationship. Thinking that once you snag your prize the work is done and you no longer need to socialize or workout is a sure path to failure.
It’s crazy to think that these thoughts should come into your mind but for many men that’s exactly what happens. It’s like you are a salmon swimming up a river, once you fertilize the egg your work is done and you may die. The human story and adventure has become much more complex and complicated now.
You have to time your run in marriage/pregnancy, you need to be fit healthy and financially stable, you need to be knowledgeable and socially connected but you also need to be spiritually at peace to be happy. This is alot to juggle all at once.
So where to from here? If you are feeling down in the dumps about the direction of your relationship, take a look at how you are acting. How different are you now from where you were when the relationship began? Are you relying to much on you girl for emotional support? How much are you TAKING from her and much are you GIVING both emotionally and financially.
In the end independence is very attractive especially to women and you may have lost that primal adventurous independence as soon as you signed up with her. As easy as it is to go through life relying on other people sooner or later this attitude will get you in trouble. The enjoyment is in the doing and being and providing and growing.
Think back to who that independent spirit was a few months / years back. What was he doing? What made him so happy? Go and do the things that made you so happy – pick up and instrument again, start a new hobby, go sailing, play sport, sing dance write etc etc.
Your wife or partner may reject and question your new found interest. This new energy that you are igniting in your life will be the one thing that will get her interested in you again. If attraction love and chemistry is what want in your relationship there is no better way than to return to being the independent energetic boy you once were. But remember the financial contribution that is expected of you – this area of your life should not be ignored.