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Finding Love

Despite the pressing sexual motivation you are very aware of a distant emptiness and lack of meaning in your life. You are in the most part content when your at work and happy when your with friends but when your alone you feel very lonely. True spiritual love is missing from your life.

You are not alone – The search for meaning through love and the creation of a family is very important. We all feel the need to be apart of something greater and bigger than ourselves.

When we leave our own family it soon becomes times to create our own community.

A family gives your life a sense of meaning and purpose… After all – life is about survival and reproduction right?

Love is hard to explain and much harder to express in words…

Because everyone has there own interpretations of love all you can really hope to do is express your own meaning of love to others.

Love is universal and crosses ethnic and cultural boundaries.

However the strange thing about love is that it can leave…

Anyone that has been through a rough break-up will understand that you cant always trust those that say they love you. But it’s not really accurate to suggest that it was ever their fault.

Circumstances change and in time chemistry can dissipate.

I would like to think I still have a part of me that will always love women that have been close to me despite our distance. Perhaps love never really disappears.

What is scary is that you can hate someone and love them at the same time – often for making you feel sad as a result of taking away something that you never owned in the first place.

This is often occurs during break-ups where one will leave the other and “love” soon turns to anger and hate in an instant.

This is a very confusing and scary aspect of love indeed.

(Helen Fisher)

Love has evolved to enable you to focus!

Romantic love may not be a serious of emotions – it comes from the motor or craving part of the mind. It’s a drive! More powerful than the sex drive.

People who are rejected for love will kill and die for love.

Love is a powerful brain system for great joy and great sorrow

The 3 LOVE Brain Systems

Sex Drive (LUST)

Romantic Love – evolved to focus your energy on this one person

Attachment allows you to put up with this person for long enough to reproduce despite your differences…

Explains the danger of initial lust before you actually know if your compatible… Because orgasm has the ability to bond two souls together.

  • lust
  • romantic love
  • deep attachment

— women are moving into the job market —
Men and women are not alike but we are like two feet – we need each other to move forward.

Women are starting to express their sexuality


around 13 minutes in the video – women are very sexual

Female sexual expression is on the rise…with equality comes more female sexual expression
romantic love – almost all people must be “in love” to marry

With orgasm – you get a spike of dopamine which causes you to sometimes feel instantly in love with the person

With orgasm you also get a oxytocin – attachment cosmic union after you have made love to them
You can feel sex drives for other people while you feel attached to the one you love.

These three brain systems can swing from one person to many people in a simultaneousness fashion.
antidepressants kill sexual feelings and therefore ability to fall in love.

orgasm is associated with attachment

Attachment – why do you fall in love with certain people?

  • timing
  • mystery
  • fits within your love map
  • gravitate to complimentary brain systems

Can you make someone fall in love with you?

LOVE is deeply embedded in our brain

Turns out LOVE is what it’s all about folks… (hug)

(In case you didn’t know already)

It’s no coincidence that LOVE is in EVERY movie and damn near every song that has been produced

Yeh sex sure sells but LOVE sells better.

Love is all you need right?

Love keeps you together when times get rough

Love enables you to forgive when someone hurts you

Love is blind

Love is euphoric

Love is warm

Love is kind

Love is not judgemental, racist or selective

Love is open to all that are willing to let it enter their lives

Love is courageous

Love is adventurous

When someone uses the would love they are referring to a feeling not an action or simply kindness but a real commitment that they feel toward someone else.

Love is unconditional

If someone you love asks for help – you are there no matter the circumstance…

You give without expectation of return when you love because you are happy to see them do well even if it is at your own expense.

Love is accepting of differences

Love can be lost!

The sad thing about love is that it can be lost – if situations change and feelings are lost deep feelings of hurt and resentment occur.

Divorce and breakup have caused many a tear…

Love is addictive – love is a drug that floods your system! There is actually scientific proof that brain similar brain systems are triggered when we are in love and when we are addicted to certain drugs.

Love is a reward system set up so ensure that two people stay together for the duration of a childs young life or until they are born in some cases…

This may have a lot to do with why there are many divorces and single parents… Once the love drug wears off the couple realise the choices they made to get married and have kids could well have been done in the hazy dream of love.

Turns out they were not all that compatible and don’t really get on very well! But love allows two people to get on VERY well for a period of time.

This is not the romantic notion of love you are looking I know but it IS a side of love few people understand.

There is also COMMITMENT and a partnership that is formed as a result of marriage and love. You start to love your partner more like family than as a lover.

It’s still love but it’s an example of how love can change forms over time.

Robin allott wrote a great research article on the evolutionary aspects of love and empathy…

How have we evolved to use love effectively or rather how has the emotion of love evolved to aid our ability to survive and reproduce? [Robin Allott. 1992. Journal of Social and Evolutionary Systems Volume 15 Number 4 353-370.]
(wikipedia on love)

Love is an intense feeling of affection.

Love may also refer to:

Believe it or not there is even a wikihow on how to love!

There main point is that love is a proactive thing – you have to express your love an continue to do so over a period of time.

Say it – when conveying your love to others make sure you mean it with emotion!

Empathize – meaning that you attempt to understand how others are feeling

Love unconditionally – If you only seek to love for the benefit of yourself only it’s not love at all… Love without expectation of return and simply for the joy of it.

It’s not a game of – I loved you this much therefore you have to love me in return. Everyone expresses love in a different way.

As I mentioned earlier… Love can be lost! People are breaking up and falling back in love as you read this.

There is no doubt that love is our OBSESSION and preoccupation…

It’s easy to link the mother/infant bond with evolutionary survival benefits… but what about that romantic feeling we all know so well…

Whats the real point of it besides the obvious enjoyment?

According to Robin Allott sexuality may be the main reason for love but it’s unlikely that it’s the precursor to love itself.

She believes that as a result of increased brain size and the evolution of language love evolved as a result of being able to emphasize with what others were feeling. Being conscious of ourselves enabled us to be conscious of what others could be feeling.

Love Quotes

Love is the only gold. Tennyson

There is always some madness in love. But there is always some reason in madness. Nietzsche

Love is the foundation of everything desirable or good. Peirce

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other. Rilke Near the end of his life he

[Freud] said that we know very little about love.

Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives. Bertrand Russell

Love is a great force in private life; it is indeed the greatest of all things. E.M.Forster

One cannot be strong without love. For love is not an irrelevant emotion; it is the blood of life, the power of reunion of the separated. Tillich

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Heinlein

Love is the pearl of life. Wittgenstein

This recognition of the other as a person, as another “I” and lover is the decisive moment in the human experience of love. Martin D’Arcy

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self. Fromm

Whatever anthropologists may say I believe that falling in love is a real phenomenon. J.Z. Young

What would be the use of a neuroscience that cannot tell us anything about love?

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