M.I.L.F. (spoken/pronounced milf) is an acronym which stands for “Mom I’d Like to Fuck”, (which is pretty much self-explanatory). It is a porn term pertaining to older women, commonly a friend’s mom, whom boys or younger men find sexually attractive. This concept made it to the mainstream when media presented it in bite size chunks of pop culture. The term, according to Wikipedia, is a used in colloquial English, with UK providing a more sedated version of the term in the form of “Yummy Mummy”.
Freud, Jung and the Greeks
At first sight, the MILF phenomenon may be attributed to Sigmund Freud’s theory, the Oedipus Complex. In an article supplied by Britannica, Oedipus Complex is introduced in Sigmund Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams, a book first published in 1899; it suggests a sexual attraction with the parent of the opposite sex and sense of rivalry to the parent of the same sex.
Sigmund Freud’s concept was based on a Greek mythology’s story of Oedipus. In the story, an oracle foretold that King Laius’ son will slay him. King Laius’ son named Oedipus, as an infant was left to die, but in a turn of events, was adopted by the king of Corinth and his wife. Oedipus travelled, and in his journey killed a stranger. That stranger was King Laius, his real father. He then travels to Thebes, and on another strange turn of events, ended up marrying his mother, Jocasta (King Laius’ wife), and spawning four children with her.
The theory occurs to children of age 3 to 6, which Sigmund Freud calls the phallic stage, and the tendency whether Oedipus complex will flourish or be repressed will largely be dependent on the children’s relationships with the parents.
Wikipedia expounds that in psychoanalysis, Oedipus Complex is a child’s desire to have sexual relations with the parent of the opposite sex which the mind keeps in the unconscious through dynamic repression. If Oedipus complex ends up with an unsuccessful resolution this might lead to the children growing up with tendencies of homosexuality, neurosis or pedophilia.
Sigmund Freud attributed the Oedipus Complex to both boys and girls, however revised it later in his research, and primarily assigning Oedipus Complex to boys. Freud proposed that children express Oedipus Complex in different ways. Boys manifest it in a form of castration anxiety, while girls show it in a form of penis envy.
Carl Jung, one of Freud’s apprentices was the one who then propositioned the female counterpart of Oedupis Complex, which was then called the Electra Complex. According to Jung, Electra Complex is when girls feels a psychosexual competition with the mothers, competing for the father’s attention and affection.
Electra, also from Greek mythology, is the daughter of King Agamemnon and Queen Clytemnestra of Argos. Electra, together with her brother, Orestes seeked revenge for their father’s death, by plotting the murder of their mother and their stepfather, Aegisthus.
Men and women who remains fixated on their Electra or Oedipal stage, according to Freud and Jung, will then transition into adulthood with a preference to find a sexual partner who is reminiscent of their opposite-sex parent.
The concept of Oedipus and Electra Complex, as spearheaded by Sigmund Freud, also received lots of criticism. Critics include Hans Keller who provided that cultural / ethnic differences skew the findings of the research.
Evolutionary psychologists Martin Daly and Margo Wilson acknowledged that while there is parent-child conflict it is rarely sexually-driven, citing the lack of evidence. The lack of empirical data is also echoed by Armand Chatard.
Anouchka Grose, in her 2010 publication raised that Freud’s Oedipus Complex is no longer relevant, and had been defunct sometime in the last century.
Given that it has been publicized about a century ago, and not enough support had been provided on Oedipus Complex since then, modern psychology yearned to explain the MILF phenomenon in a less creepy way.
According to an article published in Medical Daily, a survey conducted by dating site EliteSingles determine that 20-something men now prefer older women. The survey reported that specifically, men aged 20 to 29 are inclined to choose women older by three to six years than them, over younger ones.
This result is contrary to the biological theory that the male species will select younger females on the assumption that they can bear more children. However, given the developments in society and the gender equality we are now experiencing, this theory is slowly being debunked, as provided by Huffington Post. According to WebMD, human beings are flexible as a species, and other attributes, such as hobbies, interests and goals are also deemed attractive rather than just looking at age. An article from Psychology Today concurs with this idea saying that social roles are shaped through the opportunities and expectations of society.
Women are now more financially stable and thus does not find the idea of financial stability in a man not as appealing as before. Those with education, money and confidence realize broader aspirations not confined within stereotypes or what the society expects out of them
With the developments in science and technology, particularly skin care, and even cosmetic surgery, as well as the many fitness options available in the market, older women are now looking younger and more vibrant than ever, making them attractive to younger men.
The rise of divorce rates enables older women to be back in the dating market long after their 20s, and in an environment where equality prevails, women want their partners appealing just as men does.
The increase of people getting interested in a nomadic and adventure driven lifestyle influenced women to travel the world and seize the opportunities instead of being a house wife and caregiver to children. In this kind of lifestyle, and adventurous companion / partner is preferred, usually a trait found in younger people.
Further, women’s sexual peak happens in their 30s, while guys start around 18. It is this match or mismatch that might explain the younger guys’ sexual attraction to older women, according to Justin Lehmiller for Playboy. Women only become more confident with their sexuality later in life and Proboner.com suggests that this plays out in the power roles of a relationship. Typically, women are submissive and men are dominant. But in a MILF setting, with an older woman who is more experienced sexually, the woman plays the dominant role, teaching the younger men or boys a lesson worth learning.
Though power is said to have been one of the reasons MILFs and older women are seen as attractive, there is another layer that must be considered. In an article in iVillage, the extra characteristic that makes MILFs so appealing is discussed and that is the nourishing characteristic of mothers. It is not enough that the women take the reins, practice authority and know what they want in bed, if that is the case, dominatrix would’ve been the top search result. The complexity of a confident, assertive yet nurturing and caring older woman is what makes the MILF alluring and attractive to younger guys.
Furthermore, in the same Playboy article, the author suggests that the male species are programmed to want to please women. This is understandably something that is made easier if the woman knows her body and what she wants the man to do to get aroused and satisfy her appetite for sexual pleasure.
Adult star Tanya Tate further expounds on what is irresistible about older women for younger guys. She said in an interview with Thrillist.com that guys usually between the age of 18-25 like empowered older women as they know how to please a guy due to their sexual experience.
Fame / Infamy
The iVillage article mentioned above discusses an analysis of searches on porn sites provided in the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts. According to the book, “MILF” and “mom” are reported to have been some of the most popular porn genre searches. In an article by Discover Magazine, age is the most influential sexual cue to men, next to teen and young, “mom”, “MILF”, “cougar”, and “’mature” are age-related recurring keyword searches. To further support this, it was mentioned in the Proboner that the subreddit r/milf has over 150,000 subscribers.
Rather surprising, as this poses a societal taboo because traditionally, moms are supposed to be a parental figure; an authority but at the same time, caring and nourishing. Interestingly, it is these same “wholesome” characteristics that also pushed its sexual appeal.
True to form, media and pop culture have blown things out of proportion. From music, fashion, standards of beauty, among others, it is the media that basically shapes the society’s taste and expectation on about every facet of the human life. Sexuality is no different.
Hollywood had been banking on the myth of the hot older woman. As specified in a Playboy article, The Graduate, a movie released as early as 1967, is one of the precedent that created this cult following, where a younger Dustin Hoffman found himself torn between an older Anne Bancroft, and her movie-daughter portrayed by Katharine Ross.
But nothing could’ve cemented the term MILF better than 1999’s coming of age, sexual-comedy American Pie, with the quintessential MILF, Stifler’s Mom, portrayed by Jennifer Coolidge. The term was coined in a conversation between John Cho and another actor in the movie, who were then credited in the movie simply as MILF Guy #1 and 2.
Other pop culture references of MILF and its permutation, cougar, include Fountains of Wayne 2003 song “Stacy’s Mom” and more recently, Fergie’s M.I.L.F. $. TV shows like Desperate Housewives, and Cougar Town milked the concept of hot older women. While Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones, played by Kim Catrall, was not a mother in the TV show, is the epitome of a hot older woman. Though a family-comedy, Modern Family also touches on the MILF subject with Gloria, Sofia Vergara’s character, who is a definite hot momma.
MILF in Porn
As was provided earlier, in the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, MILF rose as the surprising leader in the keyword search analysis for porn. On Pornhub.com, MILF is the third most popular category according to Psychology Today.
Given the high demand for the category, the porn industry ensures that it meets the supply needs, or more like carnal desires, of its many viewers. Casting women as MILF in a porn starts as young as 25 or soon after as their looks do not qualify for barely legal anymore.
Tanya Tate, an adult star said that she was first offended and felt old upon hearing someone call her a MILF, in her interview with the Thrillist.com. But upon realization that it connotes prolonged youth, and being hot in spite of age, she has come to embrace the title ‘MILF’, and claimed it as her market.
The porn industry has changed such that younger girls, usually portrayed as teenagers, no longer dominate the roster of stars. According to Tanya, the rise in the popularity of MILF in porn is a reflection of mainstream media’s portrayal of older women these days – more in control, more confident, and unafraid to show sexuality. Tanya also suggested that teenage guys are attracted to older women, often their friends’ mothers, because girls their age does not possess the same womanly curves older women do and are not as sexually mature yet.
Tanya further stated that the MILF genre in porn may border on incest. She emphasized the staged nature of porn and stated that she does not by any means condone sexual relations with relatives or family members in the real world. The idea is taboo and that is exactly the appeal of the forbidden fruit. Doing something that is not expected to be done, just like porn that deals with cheating, public sex, among others.
In a report by Psychology Today though, young guys are starting to blur the distinction of make believe porn and real life as they posted a quite misogynistic ad looking for MILF that ended up having their fraternity house in trouble.
List of MILF resources
Below is a list of online resources created especially for MILFs and guys who like older women. Every porn site has got a MILF or mature category, but these six listed websites were especially curated to cater to those who like all things MILF.
Older Women Dating is a free dating website especially for older women looker for men to date. They offer easy ways for older women to meet and date men, whether it’s for friendship, dating, even marriage.
M.I.L.F dating is a free website boasts of an extensive database of visitors exclusively matching older women with younger men in a safe and fun environment. Upon sign-up, each member fills out a profile asking for their preferences, photo, age and location which is used to make the matching customized per user.
MILF Sex Dates offers customized search features and email, chat and instant messaging features, for older women and men interested in older women. Sign up is free, with option to upgrading to a premium account. Matching is done through a questionnaire which asks interests and other details.
Sex Hungry Moms is porn site dedicated in featuring the hottest MILF and mature porn.
MilfFox.com is a porn site that is curated to feature movies and clips of foxy MILFs.
Naughty Mother is another porn resource for those interested in mature women and MILFs