Modern Gay Dating

gay dating

With the rise of internet dating and people finally accepting the gay lifestyle, gay men finally have the same opportunity to find love as everyone else. However, dating is hard regardless of your sexual orientation, and online dating can be a curse and a blessing. If you are wondering where to find your next hook up or a lifelong partner online, or in an app, you’ve come to the right place. Before we get into where to find your next love affair, let’s go over a few do’s and don’ts.

What to Do & What Not to Do

“To be or not to be. That is the question.” Ok quoting Shakespeare on a first date is only acceptable if he is really into art museums, poetry readings, or Game of Thrones (the books, not the HBO series).

Do let go of all your preconceived notions. If you are a bottom, you only want a top. That’s understandable, but it narrows your choices. Now let’s say you are really into guys with beards. You’ve narrowed your dating pool significantly. You may see a guy that’s a bottom with a baby face, and not give him a second look. What if that guy has the perfect personality for you? What if the two of you hit it off and realized that you were both more flexible bottoms than you thought? What if that guy was absolutely perfect for you, but you missed him because he shaved the day his picture was taken? There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and not being willing to settle for less. However, there is something wrong with being so hung up on superficials that you don’t give someone a chance. Keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. Be willing to get to know someone better even if they aren’t what you thought you’d want. You should be true to the things that you feel are absolute must haves in a partner, but do some serious thinking on what’s really important to you.

Do get rid of the label. You probably fall into one of the common gay categories of bear, jock, geek, twink, etc. However, you are much more than a label, and other gay men are as well. Expand your horizons and move out of your little social group. Make friends with people from different groups. The gay world has become clicky, and it’s standing in your way of finding a partner. You had enough courage to come out of the closet. You should have enough courage to come out of your click as well.

Don’t refer to a date as a stereotype. When you begin talking or dating a man, do not refer to him as a bear, twink, jock, etc. At least until you’ve been on a few dates. Even if he’s six-four and looks like bigfoot, referring to him as a bear will reduce him to a stereotype, and this isn’t conducive to beginning a relationship with someone.

Do experiment. If you aren’t ready to settle down, pretend you at Baskin Robbins and aim to try every flavor. Hooking up with different types of men will help you figure out what you really want. We all have an idea of what we think a particular group is like, but until you eat that ice cream, you don’t really know if you like that flavor. This type of experimenting also gives you more opportunities, because you aren’t limiting yourself to a specific subset of the gay community.

Do be upfront about your intentions. If you are looking for someone to marry, great. If you are looking for a one night stand, great. If you would like an open relationship, great. Just be upfront about it. There’s nothing worse than realizing that you really liked someone, but you were nothing more than a notch on their bedpost.

Do have fun and keep a sense of humor. Dating has its ups and downs. Everyone has dating horror stories. However, keeping a sense of humor can help you view difficult situations with amusement rather than frustration. Fun people are also more fun to be around. Even if you are serious about dating, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Do look toward the future instead of the past. Don’t get hung up on who or how many people someone has dated or hooked up with. Chances are, you are no boy scout either, and more sexual partners can actually give you a better idea of what you want.

Gay Dating

Creating an Online Dating Profile 

Dating online is one way to find your next gay hook up or love interest. To start looking for that special someone, you’ll need to create a profile.

Screen Names

Your screen name is usually the first thing someone will see besides your profile picture, so it’s important. Your screen name is like a sign on the door saying, “come on in and view my profile”. Your screen name should either say something about you or what you are looking for. If you are into StarWars, LukeSkywalker could be your screen name. If you are looking for love, The14U can help express that. If you are looking for a hookup, something like Urnxtmistake will get your point across. Your screen name should be unique, and it should attract the type of guy you hope to attract.

Profile Picture

If the screen name is the sign on the door, your profile picture is the door itself. No one wants to enter a building where the door looks like it hasn’t been painted in years. Your profile picture will either draw people in or turn them away, and it has nothing to do with looking like a supermodel. Your profile picture and a few other pictures in your album should convey a few messages.

1. I Care About Myself

No matter what your sexual orientation, nothing is more of a turn off than a man with low self-esteem. You don’t have to look like you just spent hours in front of a mirror (unless that’s your thing), but you don’t want to look like a hobo on a street corner either. Dress and groom yourself as if you are going on your first date. Not too fancy, but not too casual either. Get someone else to take a picture of you somewhere flattering, like your living room or outdoors. Whatever you do, never ever post a bathroom selfie! Those are for your amusement only.

2. I’m Not Broke

It’s a harsh reality that money does matter in today’s dating world. Your appearance and background should suggest that you aren’t struggling financially. Wear up to date clothing, and consider the background. If you are living in your parent’s house or a college dorm, go somewhere else to take the picture.

3. Your Personality

Are you serious? Fun loving? Do you love to party, go hiking, etc? Your profile picture can and should give a hint as to your general demeanor. For example, if you are a serious guy, don’t feel the need to flash a cheesy grin in your pictures. You should add other pictures as well. These are your chance to show your personality, likes, hobbies, and talents. Have a few action shots showing who you really are. Remember, men are visual creatures!


Headlines are like the door knob. The last little push that encourages a man to go ahead and open the door. Again, it should reflect what you are looking for or your personality. If you are into sex and sports, “Wanna hold my bat?” should draw in the type of person you are looking for. “Try me. You might like me”, suggests a confident and fun loving attitude.

Profile Text

Use your profile as a way to get guys interested in knowing more. You want them to have an idea of who you are, but you don’t want them to feel like they already know everything about you. Let them know what you enjoy, what, and who, you are looking for. Be clear about the type of relationship (or lack thereof) you are seeking. Let your personality shine through, and be who you are.

Keep your profile positive. Don’t say that you don’t like this or that. Let them know what you do want instead. Be sure that your profile is unique. You want to stand out from the crowd, so don’t be afraid to show what sets you apart from everyone else. A generic profile is the worst profile of all.

You’ll also want to keep your audience in mind. If you are looking for something casual, putting your sexual preferences out right up front may be a good idea. If you are looking for a relationship, you may want to be a little less upfront, and focus on other aspects of your personality.


When it comes to your stats, there’s a fine line between lying and being generous. Wishful thinking means that you may add an inch to your height or choose “athletic” instead of “average” for your body type. If you are looking for a relationship, you want to be careful about fudging on your stats. The last thing you want is a guy you like having trust issues because you clearly don’t live up to your profile. If you are just looking for sex, you’ve got more leeway to upgrade your stats. You are looking to impress a guy enough to get him into bed instead of trying to build an honest relationship.

Looking For

Again, your purpose has a lot do with what you say about what you are looking for. If you are looking for sex, you will be much more focused on superficial characteristics than if you are looking for a relationship. Either way, don’t make your search field so narrow that you miss out on someone special.

Gay Dating Apps

There seems to be an app for everything these days, and gay dating is no exception. Here are the top gay dating apps to find a guy for a one-night stand or a relationship.


Grindr is the first dating app specifically for gay men. It’s the first gay dating app, and it’s still the most popular gay dating app for android and ios devices. Grindr has a reputation as a hookup app, which isn’t surprising considering one of the looking for options is “right now”. You may not find Mr. Right on Grindr, but you can certainly find Mr. Rightnow.

When you sign up, you’ll be put into a “tribe” based on the stereotypical types of gay men. This makes it easier for you to connect with the type of person you are looking for. Since it’s really a hook-up app, it’s about efficiently showing you men who meet your desires, which will probably be largely superficial anyway. You’ll have to give your basic info like birthday and email, and you can specify your sexual preferences as well.

Once you’ve signed up, you can search for men by category or group. Sending messages is straightforward, and you can easily send dick pics, I mean pictures, as well. The app uses geo-location to give you an approximate distance of how far you are from another guy, and makes it easier to meet people in your local area.

Grindr is simple, easy to use, and doesn’t have any frills. It has everything you need to hookup, with nothing you don’t. While Grindr is perfectly functional for free, you can become a Xtra member for just $5 a month. This lets you send multiple pictures at once, and even saves your commonly used phrases.


If you are looking for something more serious, or if the Abercrombie and Fitch guys commonly found on Grindr aren’t your style, check out Scruff. As the name suggests, Scruff is for guys who have or like body or facial hair. However, the Scruff community is very diverse and accepting. Grindr has a reputation for tag lines that say things like “no fems, no fatties, no blacks, etc.” You won’t find this on Scruff. Everyone is welcome.

When you create your profile, Scruff allows you to choose up to five types of guys that you are interested in. Military, Daddy, geeks, bears, etc. This allows you to narrow things down to the types of guys you are interested in without having to limit yourself to just one group. Variety is the spice of life!

You’ll need a photo that shows your face to complete the signup process. You can fill out all the categories normally found on dating apps with as much or little info as you desire.

There are a few different ways to find that special guy on Scruff. You can click browse to see guys near you or around the world based on your filters. You can also play SCRUFFMATCH, which is the site’s version of Tinder. If you match with someone, you can begin chatting. You can also message guys that you see on browse by tapping their picture. You can also use SCRUFFVENTURE, which allows you to browse guys in different cities. This is a great way to meet someone before you go on a trip or move to a new city. You can also click on the Leather button to view upcoming events in your area.

SCRUFF is free, and nearly every feature can be used for free. However, the free version limits you to a few SCRUFFMATCH pictures and 100 guys on browse each day. You’ll also need to upgrade to use advanced search features. All in all, it’s a great value at $14.99 a month. If you are looking for love or just don’t fit in on Grindr, give SCRUFF a chance.


Bro is an app just for men. It’s supposed to be a place to find anything from gay love to a bromance. The focus of Bro is in building friendships instead of one-night stands. While the app isn’t specifically for gays, it allows you to find men that you won’t find on other dating sites. Men who are bi-curious, bisexual, or just not ready to admit that they are gay can get on the app without feeling like they have to tick off a box to identify their sexuality. You’ll find lots of gay men on Bro, but you will also find men whose sexuality is more ambiguous.

Bro requires you to link it to your Facebook account. This helps to ensure that the profiles on the site are real. The founder says that men are kinder to each other when they aren’t hiding behind an anonymous screen name. Bro can also be beneficial to men in a relationship with a woman that are looking to explore their other side. No one wants their girlfriend to catch them on Grindr, but Bro isn’t exclusively for gay men or hooking up.

To find guys on the site, you can choose from categories like The Suited Bro, The GI Bro, and The Preppy Bro. You can also swipe through matches in Tinder fashion, and Bro will let you know when you have a match. You can also search local Bros, or use the search filter to find the right Bro for you.

Every guy could benefit from having Bro. Whether you are looking for friends, a relationship, or something in between, there’s a Bro for you.


Jack’d is said to be the most diverse gay dating app. You can search by scenes, which include twinks, bears, big muscles, LTR, just friends, and bi-straight/curious. The best thing about Jack’d is that you can view these scenes individually or at the same time. You can search for guys based on standard search filters (age, weight, photo availability). You can also choose to search near you or in cities that you may be planning to visit in the future.

The profile allows you to fill out as much or as little as you desire, and there aren’t any limits on matching or sending messages. Jack’d is a gay dating app that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and it could be just what you are looking for to find your next hookup or romance.


Growlr is a gay dating app for bears or those who are attracted to bears. You’ll also find categories like cub and otter on the app. Growlr seeks to be more than just a dating app, but a social networking app as well. Once you’ve created your profile, there are several different ways to find people that you are interested in.

You can choose to see users near you, online, or worldwide. You can also see who’s viewed your profile, and send and receive meet requests. You can also search for members using the standard search criteria such as age, weight, and more. The app allows you to create public and private photo albums. However, you can choose to let everyone in a specific area see all of your photos with an in-app purchase. You can also purchase Shout. Shout will send a message to all the members in a specified range from you, unless they have Shout messages turned off. Another way to meet new guys on Growlr is through the photo gallery tab. Choose from categories like bears, cubs, new, superhot, and unlocked to browse tons of pictures of guys on Growlr.

The app also has features to help you meet bears in real life. There’s a list of “bear bars” in your area, and you can use the check-in feature similar to Facebook. You can also view upcoming events for bears in your area. Growlr hotspot allows you to set up a “hot spot” at a business, place, or event. You do have to spend money to get a hotspot. However, all Growlr members have access to Growlr Pro features while they are at your Hotspot. All members within a 20-mile radius will be sent a message letting them know you have a Growlr hot spot as well. This is a great feature if you are a business owner desiring to bring in more gay men. Most features on Growlr are free. Growlr Pro is $7.99 a month, but there is no mention of what features you get with pro in the site’s terms of service.

If you are still wondering if Growlr is for you, one user summed up the app quite beautifully. “There is essentially none of the coldness and bitchiness that has become the norm on Grindr and, to a lesser extent, Scruff. I’ve found that users almost always reply and it’s certainly less of a headless torso-fest than other hookup/dating apps. You won’t find the icy gym rat here, so move on if you lust after basic boys. This app is for guys of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Body hair recommended but not required. The guys aren’t only gorgeous, beefy, and real, but also smart, empathetic, and tend to respond in complete sentences. The feel is more of a community and less of a meat market. So if you’re tired of playing with your Ken doll or chasing around mannequins, you need to check it out!”

Gay Dating Websites

If you prefer using a website for your next gay love affair, these are the sites that you shouldn’t miss. Your online lover is out there, just waiting for you to discover them.

Discreet Gay Dating

Discreet gay dating seems to draw people who wish to be discreet in real life, but not online. Despite the sites name, there doesn’t seem to be anything discreet about this site, and probably not much dating either. The site has a few things to offer, however, If you are looking for a gay hookup, you’ll likely have no trouble finding one on this site.Creating a profile is pretty standard. You can upload videos as well as photos, and many users take full advantage of this. Photos and videos found on the site are often adult in nature. The site has an advanced search function to help you find exactly what you are looking for, email, and instant messaging similar to most dating sites. To take full advantage of the site, you’ll need to upgrade to a premium membership.

If you are looking for a gay cam site, there’s plenty of that as well. You can chat with someone you like one on one, or check out the sexy live gay models. Live model chat, as well as live member chat, are usually very explicit, so it can be a great way to have some fun without meeting in real life. If discreteness is a concern, you can satisfy your urges online instead of risking exposure in the real world. There’s also a community section that includes blogs, groups, magazines, and contests.

If you are looking for a casual hookup, gay cams, or an online sex chat, you will find yourself right at home at Discreet Gay Dating.

Gay XXX Dates

Gay XXX Dates is part of the Adult Friend Finder Network. The Adult Friend Finder Network dominates the hook-up dating scene, making Gay XXX Dates the best place to find sex, online fun, or friendship. It may seem difficult to find a man who’s looking for more than just sex, but it’s not impossible given the wide member base of the site. The search filters can also help you find men looking for a serious relationship, and blogs, forums, and chatrooms can help you get to know others on a more intimate level. If what you are looking for something XXX rated, come on in and have a good time.

You can put as much or little information on your profile as you please. You can also sign up with a bare minimum of information, and add to your profile after you’ve decided to stick around. In addition to the normal questionnaires found on dating sites, you’ll find some fun yet revealing quizzes. One example is the Purity test. It determines how pure or impure you are, and you can publish your results on your profile. The personality test can help you pinpoint the type of guy who is right for you, and offers those browsing your profile more insight into who you are. While the site seems to be focused on the physical side of dating, these tests can help you make a meaningful connection with someone.

Free members can conduct basic searches, but to get the most out of the site, you’ll need a premium membership. The advanced search function allows you to choose up to 30 different criteria, so you should have no problem finding exactly what you are looking for. This advanced search also makes it imperative for you to fill out your profile as completely as possible, so you will appear on other’s advanced searches. If you want to do a quick search, you can choose from locals, those with similar interests, men looking for sex right now, and more. These are a great way to focus on the main criteria that you are interested in without spending lots of time creating a search.

The site has email messages as well as instant chat. If you want to talk to someone right now, you can send an instant message to anyone online. If you would like to take your time or don’t have a lot of time to spend on the site, you can send an email message and respond to it at your convenience.

If you want to take things to the next level, you can have a one on one gay webcam chat. You can also view live members webcams or broadcast yourself on the live member’s page. It’s a great way to show off your exhibitionist side, and someone is sure to like what they see.

Gay chatrooms give you another way to connect with other members, and get to know many men at once. Forums and blogs allow you to know more about other members or get advice on questions you may have. You can also create a private chatroom. This allows you to invite any members that you want, so you can get together for a group…ummm…chat.

The Activities section functions like a Facebook feed. It will notify you of your friend’s blog posts, new photos, and status updates. The Get Local will show you members and events in your local area, so you can have some real life fun connecting with other gay singles.

Other features include magazines, member polls, and the Shop, where you can pick up everything you would find in an adult bookstore easily and discretely.

One of the best aspects of Gay XXX Dates is profile verification. To get your profile verified, you’ll have to show proof of your identity, location, job, and income. When you see the verification badge on a profile, you know that they are who they say they are. In today’s day and age, with catfishing a common occurrence, verification is worth its weight in gold. In addition to options for a free or gold membership, you can also purchase profile enhancements. These include things like allowing free members to contact you.

Whether you are searching for friendship, a relationship, or sex, Gay XXX Dates should be in your dating arsenal.

More From Adult Friend Finder Network

The Adult Friend Finder Network has a few other sites for gay men as well. Essentially, any profile on the Adult Friend Finder Network that is Man looking for Man will show up on Men Nation as well as anyone who signed up for that site specifically. Men Nation is specifically for gay men seeking casual sex.

Gay Friend Finder is another site in the Adult Friend Finder Network. It has a smaller user base of about 75,000 active members. However, it’s about quality instead of quantity. Gay Friend Finder is for men seeking a long-term relationship instead of a quick hook up.

Out Personals is also brought to you by the Adult Friend Finder Network. This is one of the more risque sites. If you are looking for a hookup, this one is worth checking out. There are at least 700 members online at any time, and over 1 million members. Out Personals seems to be the most hardcore hookup site.

All of these sites include the same features as Gay XXX Dating and other sites within the Adult Friend Finder Network. They also have the same fees associated with a full membership.

Gay.Com is another site that focuses more on building relationships instead of casual sex. The site has a community feel, which can help you make friends as well as help you find your dream man. is for men, women, and transsexuals who identify as gay. While it isn’t exclusively for men, it has a user base of over 3 million members. This is much larger than most gay dating sites that are aimed at helping you find a relationship.

You can get a feel for the site for free, but a premium membership allows you to take full advantage of the site, including the ability to view adult and private profile photos, and upload your own. The initial sign up simply requires an email address. From there, you can create your profile. Profiles on tend to be fairly detailed, which can help you figure out if you are interested in someone before you message them. You can also upload pictures. Your profile picture should be a good headshot, but you can upload X-rated pictures in your private or adult album.

You can conduct a basic search or a detailed advanced search to help you find exactly what you are looking for. You can also search by profiles with pictures, currently online, and keywords. If there is a specific activity, hobby, band, etc. that you enjoy, you can use these keywords to find someone with similar interests. When you find someone you are interested in, you can send them an instant message (if they are online) or an email message.

You can also make new friends in the chatrooms. This gives you the opportunity to meet many men at one time, and get a feel for who you may be interested in.

A free membership will get you a long way on this site. However, you can only view thumbnail size profile photos and no private photos with a free membership. You are also limited to one chat room at a time and a set number of email messages per day. A free membership will certainly give you an idea of whether or not the site is for you, at which point you may want to upgrade to a premium membership.

The site has other helpful features as well. You’ll find Gay News, Lifestyle, and Recommended reading to keep you up to date on the latest happenings in the gay community. You’ll also find links to websites for specific gay interests. is certainly worth a shot, particularly if you are looking for more than a one night stand. The site can help you find friends as well as dates, and help you explore gay interests and news.

Adam 4 Adam

Adam 4 Adam has a wide user base with members looking for friendship, love, and casual sex. It’s marketed as more of a hookup site, but there are men looking for more on their as well. It’s one of the few free gay dating sites. Unlike most sites that offer you a limited amount of functionality for free, Adam 4 Adam offers you full functionality for free. You can become a supporter, which upgrades things like how many pictures you can upload and how long your messages are saved, as well as remove the ads. If you plan on using the site as your main go to for dating or hooking up, it may be worthwhile to become a supporter. Otherwise, the site is completely functional for free. You can also go mobile by downloading the Adam 4 Adam app on IOS and Android devices.

Signing up is easy. Profiles are fairly basic. You’ll be asked about your age, physical appearance, etc. You’ll also have a headline and essay about me section. Once you’ve completed that, you can go into more detailed information about sexual preferences and what you are looking for, but you aren’t obligated to answer these. You are allowed to upload two public photos and one private one. While this isn’t a great number, it does allow you to post one private photo and it doesn’t cost you anything.

There are around 75,000 members online at any given time, so you should be able to find men that you connect with. The site offers an advanced search feature. In addition to physical characteristics, you can select sexual preferences, the type of relationship you are looking for, and the last login date to screen out inactive members. There are about 30 search criteria, which is excellent for a free dating site.

Adam 4 Adam has the email and instant messaging features inherent on dating sites, but it also has a live webcam chat. This allows you to take things in whatever direction you please, from romantic to raunchy. There’s also a plan a trip feature. This allows you to enter in the location and dates of your trip, and it helps you find men in that area before your bags are packed.

Upon signing up, you’ll also receive 120 free credits to use on their companion site, Adam 4 Adam Live. This is a live cam site full of sexy gay men for your viewing pleasure.

The members on Adam 4 Adam tend to be very vocal about what they want, so if you are easily offended, this may not be the site for you. If you can handle the heat you’ll get from the occasional member, this site is well worth having. With a large user base, and all of the basic features of a paid dating site for free, what’s not to love?

To be successful in gay online dating, you’ll want to use two to three websites and apps. This gives you a much wider user base than using just one. Remember to keep an open mind and be open to new experiences. Get online and get up, down, or sideways with the man you’ve been waiting for.

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