So you’ve found the person you want to be with. You want to sweep them off their feet with your romantic language. How do you do this? What does romance actually mean? One definition states “Having, showing, expressive of, or conducive to feelings of love and attraction.” Another definition is “impractical, visionary, or idealistic”. While the second one may seem like it doesn’t apply to relationships, it does. Have you ever walked in the rain with your lover? Called in sick to work to be with them? These things are impractical, but romantic. Here’s your guide to chatting romantically and wooing your significant other, regardless of the stage of your relationship.

What to Talk About Once You’re Officially a Couple

So you have found someone you really like, perhaps even love. Whether you are sending text messages when you are at work, talking in person, or in a long distance relationship, you need to know how to chat romantically to keep the fire burning.

When you first meet someone it seems like there are endless things to talk about. However, it doesn’t take long until you are trying to figure out what to talk about. Maybe you are shy or nervous when it comes to women and this makes it hard for you to keep a conversation going in the beginning. Whatever the case, here are some things to talk about with your girlfriend.

Your future is always a good topic.  No one wants a shadow, so it is good to have your own desires for your future and talk about them with her. It shows you want to improve yourself and that you have vision, ambition, and drive. Even if you are in it for the long haul you can still talk about “your” future, just make sure she knows that you want her to be a part of it. If the relationship is still new, you can say “I hope we can do …. Together someday.” This lets her know that you hope she will be a part of your future without putting unreasonable pressure or expectations on the relationship.

Talk about them. This one should be a no brainer, but many people don’t know how to do this well. Ask her about their interests, family, childhood, and dreams. People always enjoy talking about themselves, and it is a great way for you to get to know them better.

Talk about your views on life. Religion, politics, philosophy are all good topics in this category. Just make sure you can agree to disagree on certain points because no one shares the same view on everything. Talking about what is really important to each of you is good too, especially in the early stages. If you place a high priority on family and having one of your own, but her focus is on furthering her career, you may have a problem.

Gossip. Did someone at work do something funny? Talk about that. Everyone gossips, and gossiping together brings you closer together. You can also gossip about any tv shows you enjoy watching together and even what’s going on with celebrities. Gossiping with someone brings you into a sort of “us against them” mentality, which enhances relationships.

Your secrets. As you get to know each other better, you should reveal your secrets to each other. Use discretion and common sense to know what to reveal when. There are things your partner should know before you become serious, but there are other things that you won’t feel comfortable revealing until you know them well. You can also turn it into a Truth or Dare type game. You reveal a secret, and then she reveals a secret. To make it more fun and interesting, you can guess each others secrets based on hints.

Date ideas are another thing that is fun to talk about. Spend some time planning a date or even fantasizing about where you would go and what you would do if you could go anywhere you wanted. When it comes to this, the more outlandish, the more interesting your conversation will be. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to visit the Roman Coliseum or take in the city of Bangkok. Dreaming together is a great way to connect.

You should also talk about your fears. Your fears are one of your most intimate secrets, and sharing them will bring you closer together. If they reveal a fear that makes no sense to you, don’t laugh at them. Ask them why it makes them afraid, but never make them feel like their fear isn’t legitimate. Many people are afraid of clowns. You may not see clowns as posing any sort of danger, but the fear is still real to them. Don’t just focus on physical fears, however. Especially when you become more intimate, you should talk about fears like being rejected, abandoned, or not good enough as well.

Let them know if they are doing something that you don’t like. I don’t mean nagging because they leave the towel on the bathroom floor every single day. I mean things that truly upset you, whether it is something they aren’t doing or something you need them to do. This is a very important part of a relationship. Be sure not to bring it up in an adversarial manner, but let them know how it makes you feel.

Romantic Chat

Of course chatting with your partner isn’t all about your views on politics or what happened at work. You will also want to have some more romantic conversations. Here are some ideas for having romantic chats with your significant other.

Women’s Needs

When you are talking about romantic chatting, you need to understand what the opposite sex really needs. Romance is about much more than flowers and candy. You can romance a woman by simply knowing how to speak to them and what they need.

A woman’s first need is for a man to care about her well being. Here we are referring to her emotional or spiritual well being. Noticing when she is upset and taking her spiritual interests seriously are things you can do to show her your love goes much farther than physical attraction. No matter what stage your relationship is in, a woman will always want to be wanted for “her” instead of just how she looks. Your level of concern for her emotional well being should grow greater over time, but it should be there to some extent even in the beginning.

The next need that women have is security and stability. If you are in a committed relationship, don’t leave any room for doubt that you are the one she wants. Doing the things she asks you to do will also make her feel secure. Even if it is something as simple as a phone call or picking up a gallon of milk on the way home from work, it will show her she can depend on you to do what you say you will.

Focus on her. To a man spending time with your woman likely involves you being in the same house or a phone or text conversation. Women need time when you focus solely on them to feel wanted. If you are talking over the phone or video chatting online, don’t do anything but talk to her. If you live together, plan special times when all of the technology goes off and you go out or just spend time together.

The other thing women need is romantic and intimate conversations. You can’t just grunt or give one word answers all the time. Let her know what you are thinking and feeling. Get intimate and talk dirty if you want. Talk to her like you would your best friend (minus the dirty part).

What Men Want

Women aren’t the only ones with a need for romance. Guys have some romantic needs as well. The number one thing you can do to woo a man is dress up for him. If you live together that could mean a romantic night out or a night in. Whether you live together or not, never underestimate the power of pictures. Send him a picture of you in something sexy. How sexy depends on where you are in your relationship, but a form fitting dress can be just as sexy as lingerie. Sometimes its good to leave something to the imagination.

Men also need time to do guy stuff. Be supportive of his hobbies, and let him know it’s ok for him to go out with the guys. If you go so far to encourage this or buy him tickets to his favorite sporting event, you will be the best woman ever in his eyes.

Let him know he is wanted and loved. Make him feel like your hero.

Romantic Chat Through Technology

Compliments

Compliments are very important, especially for women. When you are complimenting a woman, the most important thing is to be sincere. Don’t have “lines” that you use with every girl you go out with. She will know. Besides, how difficult is it to come up with a genuine compliment? Not difficult at all, so you have no excuse for not being sincere. Text her or email her occasionally with a nice compliment.

Timing

Say something romantic when she isn’t expecting it. Send her a sweet text while she is at work. Message her after she is asleep and say you can’t wait to talk to her tomorrow. You can also be funny and romantic. When you are video chatting, ask her what she is wearing. Be sure to say it in the sexiest way possible and give her a look of desire. The fact that you clearly know what she is wearing should make the comment amusing, but it also gets her mind thinking about sexier things.

Don’t Overdo It

Many times, men tend to be all or nothing. Either you are all out romantic and showering her with compliments, or all you want to talk about are the guys from work. Balancing it out makes the romantic words and gestures much more meaningful and effective.

Tease Her

Teasing in a fun and flirty way creates attraction. You can get away with saying lots of things as long as it is clear you are kidding. You can even make a normal comment into something sexual with your tone and body language. This works best in person or video chat unless you know them well, but you can try it with messaging or phone calls as well. You can say “When is the last time you had a hotdog?” With a look that implies you aren’t talking about food. She should smile and maybe giggle. She may act innocent, as if you were referring to an Oscar Meyer weiner, but you can rest assured she is now thinking about eating your hotdog.

Emojis

It may sound silly and corny, but women love emojis. When a woman gets a heart, rose, or kiss emoticon it makes them smile and feel special. When you do use them use a few different ones, but don’t overdo it. If you send them with every message they will quickly lose their charm.

Take an Interest

Take an interest in something she likes to do. Choose one of her hobbies that you aren’t into or simply haven’t tried yet. Surprise her by doing it. If she loves paint, send her a picture of you taking a painting class. If she loves Twilight, message her and say you have the set and can’t wait to watch it with her. When she knows you are trying something new just because she likes it, this is very romantic. If you can do it together, it’s even more fun and romantic. That cooking class will heat up much more than the stove.

Have The Big Talks

Sometimes it’s much easier to have a serious talk about your feelings through text than in person. It also gives you the opportunity to think about exactly what you want to say. Talking in person and looking in each other’s eyes is wonderful, but it can also be intimidating. People are also likely to be more open in text than any other type of chat. You can say “I think I’m falling for you” or “I think about you all of the time”. If you’ve been together for a long time send a text saying “I don’t know how I would ever live without you” or “You amaze me everyday”. These things may feel awkward saying in person, but are easy to text. It’s also something tangible that you can both look back on when things aren’t going that great. Every relationship has its up and downs, and having some sweet messages from brighter days can help bring back the romance and bring you closer together. The exception to this strategy is when you need to say something negative. If you don’t have these conversations in person, you will look weak. If you don’t like that she stays out to 3 am with her friends every weekend, this should be an in person conversation when you are both in a receptive mood.

Intimacy

We’ve discussed how it’s easier to say certain things through text or email. Which brings us to our next point. How to get your partner in the mood when you aren’t around. Got a fantasy you are shy about sharing? Want to get them excited during the day so they will be ready to rip your clothes off when you get home? Text is the way to do so. Pictures are good too, but text is what is really going to do the job, especially for women. Men are visual. Show them a picture of a girl with sexy lingerie on and they get a sexual thrill. Women may derive a thrill from a sexy picture of her man as well, but it works much better if her mind is already on the subject.

Share your fantasies with her. Tell her exactly what you want, and ask her to share hers. If you see each other on a regular basis, you can agree to try one of these ideas the next time you see each other. There is something about the anticipation of what’s going to happen that makes it more exciting. If you are apart for awhile, try having text sex. You will both be less shy than you would in person or on the phone. It also leaves your hands free.

Go Corny

One of the best way to sweet talk a girl is to say and do things we define as corny now days. Send her a link to a romantic song that reminds you or her or your relationship. Be observant and creative here though. Don’t choose something just because it is on the top 40 charts. Choose a song that honestly speaks to you and reminds you of her.

If poetry is your thing, send her a romantic poem and tell her why it reminds you of her. If she knows you don’t even know who Keats and Whitman are, however, don’t do this. It will come off fake and calculated.

Sending gifts can also be romantic, especially to a woman. The key here is to understand that you don’t have to spend a ton of money to be romantic. Simple gifts like a single rose, a balloon bouquet, or something that you saw that you know she would like are all great options. Has she expressed interest in a certain outfit or a book but didn’t want to spend the money on herself? Get it for her. The fact that you paid attention will make it more romantic.

You can also send her a romantic card. Purchase a card with a nice sentiment on it, and then write your personal message inside. She will treasure it as much as she would an expensive piece of jewelry. If you get her flowers or something similar, send it to her workplace. She will love the fact that her coworkers wish their significant others were as romantic as you.

Romantic Chat Face to Face

How do you have a romantic conversation when you are actually together? Here are some ideas and guidelines.

Compliments

Let her know she looks beautiful. If you are in the dating stage, compliment her as soon as you see her. You can keep it simple and say “Wow, You look beautiful.” or be more specific with something like “I love the way that dress looks on you.” If you are married or living together, give her a compliment when she thinks she looks the worst. When she wakes up in the morning, before she’s had a chance to put on makeup or brush her hair, tell her she looks beautiful. Let her know that you can barely keep your hands off her. This will make her feel valued for her inner beauty instead of what is on the outside.

Guys also need compliments. Telling a guy he looks hot is nice, but that isn’t really the way to get to his heart. If you have a sexual relationship, tell him you absolutely loved what he did last night. In most cases honesty is the best policy, but there are a few exceptions. Tell him no one has ever made you feel the way he does. It doesn’t really matter if your ex made you feel the same way. It makes him feel special and increases his confidence. Compliment him on other things as well. Tell him he does a great job at work, thank him for doing what you asked, tell him how sweet and loving he is. Men need to hear these things just like women do.

I’m Going To…

This one can be done face to face or through messaging, but it is more interesting face to face. Tell her exactly what you are going to do to her later. Notice I said “going to do” instead of “like to do”. This is important if you want to come off comfortable and confident, and it’s actually romantic to a woman to have a man take control. Here is an example.

“I’m going to go run a bubble bath for you. When you get out, I’m taking you straight to the bedroom and giving you a massage. Use your imagination for the rest of the conversation. This type of romance is particularly effective when she has had a rough day.