Shy Daters Lonely Despite Opportunity Online

shy datingphoto by notsogoodphotography

So by now I am assuming that you have a gone ahead and signed up for an online dating site. There are plenty to chose from | some good and some bad but most should do the job.

This can be a big move for many people as letting the world know that they are lonely and looking for love is accepting a weakness. Many singles are not prepared to publically display that weakness and gap in their life to other people.

So you have taken a bold move and positive move in the right direction! But you might have found some pitfalls along the way.

The biggest one is simply not receiving any emails from users.

You might take that as rejection but really your just not using the system as it should be used… more on that later. Or the dates that you have received have been less than adequate and you are disappointed with the quality of singles on display.

Online dating is not perfect and never claimed to be. But if used correctly can be extremely useful to the right kind of single. You really can find love online with other compatible singles.

It comes down to using the right dating site and just finding the right person.

You do this by being forward which can be hard to do for many online daters who are naturally shy.

This shyness is perhaps the reason why you are on these sites in the first place. Successful online dating requires you to be proactive and forward! Unless you are drop dead gorgeous you won’t get a ton of emails in your account every day (at least not the ones you want).

You need to know what you want and what you want out of the experience. This way you can actively seek out the single of your dreams and email them directly about getting together.

Shooting in the dark rarely works when it comes to love offline and it’s no different online. You must solidify your goals and expectations before you enter the dating domain.

The fearless and brave dater does well online because they actively email profiles that they like until that compatible single turns up.

The shy and scared dater that is unsure of what he wants often get’s nothing as a result. He does not email singles in fear of rejection. He does not list benefits of personality because he feels he has nothing to offer. He does not correctly follow up on emails sent to him and as a result is STILL single despite opportunities every day to change his circumstance.

As I mentioned earlier the main reason why most daters turn to online dating is because they are terrible at meeting new people.

They may be too busy

To lazy

To isolated

Or the main reason – To SHY

There are plenty of singles out there for everyone and many created every day through divorce and breakups. There is no such thing as online rejection so you should not feel shy emailing anyone… Why would you? All you are doing is saying hey I saw your profile and am interesting in getting to know you a little better.

That’s it! If she doesn’t respond it matters little, you just find another cool compatible girl and try the same or different email. You keep doing so until you have set up a lunch date. Pretty easy right? Well then why are you still single?

I would LOVE to hear from you about why your still single after all these years and why you can’t seem to make online dating work for you.

Leave your COMMENTS in the box below!

Quick Checklist For The Shy Dater

Online Dating Tip #1 Make A List

If you are a shy dater you will often question yourself regarding what you really want. Make a list of preferred qualities.
This way when the hard decision is raised regarding emailing a match you can check over what your really looking for.

It helps to have the list set up before you sign up so that you can look back on how your dating perspective and intentions have changed. This list should eliminate any confusion over why your here and what you want.

Preferred Qualities in a women: (be specific)

Simply writing down that you want a laid back funny and interesting girl doesn’t rule out ANYONE online because everybody puts that generic shit down.

You may want

A girl that’s 5 feet 4 inches

Slim but not athletic

Brown hair

Likes the outdoors

Open minded to political issues

Non religious

Etc etc with your own touch

Online Dating Tip #2 Review and Rate

Once you have completed the list you can go back through your attributes and give them each a 1 , 2 or 3.

1 indicating that you are prepared to “negotiate” on this and you are flexible regarding e.g. height and hair colour.

2 indicating that you are prepared to negotiate but you will need some convincing.

3 indicates that you are not prepared to budge on this even if they are hot with a great personality.

You need to make sure that the attributes you place a 3 next to really are “non-negotiables” and that you stick with your decision. Perhaps you are an atheist and feel strongly about the topic. It’s important to be open minded but this may be one topic that you are not interested in moving from.

Online Dating Tip #3 Keep an Open Mind

Keeping an open mind is an important thing to consider…beyond dating as well.

You should be flexible regarding ethnicity and be prepared to give new races a try.

Your religious and Political Views are your interpretation from the information you have received to far. Keeping an open mind to others singles perspective not only opens doors to potential love but also makes you more attractive.

Online Dating Tip #4 Take Your Time

Relax and take a break from online dating if you are feeling a little worn out staring at profiles every second night. It’s not a race and just because you are paying a subscription does not mean you have to rush love. You can cancel any time you wish.

Online dating and finding love in general need not be an obsession. In fact you will have the best luck if you just relax and be yourself. Trust yourself to make the right decision when it counts.

Online Dating Tip #5 Selfishness Online

You should not be doing this for anyone else but YOU. You are important. Your feelings and emotions (love,lust,lonliness) need to be dealt with in a way that suits you. Do not be influenced by the women with the big rack thats going to leave next week if you wrote down that your only interested in long term relationships.

The alternative is being locked into a long term relationship with a girl rather than being free and trusting your own instincts.

Dedicate some time each day to focus on what you want out of love. Can you find it online? Perhaps online dating is not for you and you just need to get out more.

Spend some time in the morning checking your matches and then email some of the ones that stood out later on that night. Make sure that they did not have ANY 3’s in their profile description (personality attributes that you will not stand for)

For the shy dater it comes down to knowing what you want and then going out and getting it.

Have a plan and stick to it but most of all relax and have fun.

Wish you all the best with your relationship(s) in the future

PL pl

  • I designed a game called Rejection Therapy back in 2009 to encourage myself to overcome my shyness.

    If anyone wants to try it, it’s here: http://rejectiontherapy.com

    • Anonymous

      Hey thanks for stopping by… Great site by the way, lovin your work. I’m assuming zerotosuperhero is also yours?

      • Thanks for the kind words, and yes, Zero to Superhero is mine as well.

        Your blog is awesome too 🙂