The bad news is that if you are socially awkward, you will have a hard time finding a girlfriend. The good news is social awkwardness doesn't have to be a lifetime thing.
Here's the secret. Are you ready?
Social skills are learnable.
This means that you can learn to behave in a way that makes you less socially awkward.
Socially Awkward vs. Introverted
Yes, there's a big difference, and one doesn't always indicate the other. Introverts are quiet types.
They don't speak as often as extroverts. They are usually quiet and calm where extroverts are loud and excitable.
Introverts can be seen as attractive and desirable. Ever heard of the "strong silent type"? A quiet and mysterious man can attract many women, if he has social skills and confidence.
A man who is socially awkward, however, likely won't get the girl.
Are You Socially Awkward?
There are signs that indicate you are socially awkward. Keep in mind that if these signs are true for you, then you can work on changing them.
Signs You Are Socially Awkward
- Social settings make you nervous
- You don't understand social norms
- You say the wrong thing often
- You have a difficult time keeping a conversation going
- You struggle to make friends
Nervous In Social Settings
If you are socially awkward, you are likely nervous in social settings. You may have anxiety or attempt to avoid social activities.
If you have had past interactions that didn't go well, this adds to your anxiety. The anxiety makes you more socially awkward or more withdrawn.
It creates a cycle that can be difficult to break. However, you can do it. The best way to overcome it is to work on your social skills.
This means you will have to interact with others. It is always easiest to start with low stakes.
Start talking to strangers on the street. Meet people online. Spend time with your friends and family. You may even want to hang out in a different neighborhood.
This way, if you embarrass yourself, at least you know you will never have to see the person again.
Build your social skills and confidence by practicing. Then start talking to girls that you like.
Not Understanding Social Norms
It can feel like you are playing a game with no knowledge of the rules. You miss the social cues that others send.
You may speak at the wrong time, overstay your welcome, or choose inappropriate conversation topics.
This one takes time to overcome. The best way to do so is ask the people who are close to you to point it out when you go against social norms.
This allows you to learn what you did wrong and how to avoid it next time. You should also pay close attention to those you speak to.
Unsure of what's appropriate? Follow the other person's lead or stick to safe topic. Sex, religion, and politics are potential minefields.
If they begin fidgeting, looking down, frowning, or moving away from you, you have likely missed a social cue.
You can change the subject or ak them if something you have said bothered them.
You Say the Wrong Thing
Everyone says something they shouldn't occasionally, but socially awkward people do it often.
This goes along with not understanding social norms. Have you ever told a joke only to get confused looks or angry glares?
Have you tried to give someone a compliment, but you ended up offending them?
The best way to improve this is to pay attention to people's reactions.
When it's clear that you said something wrong, make a mental note of it so you can try to avoid it in the future.
You Can't Keep Conversation Flowing
Conversations have an ebb and flow. They should feel comfortable, give both people an opportunity to speak, and not be filled with awkward silences.
If the conversation often starts and then dies, you need to work on your conversation skills.
One of the best ways to handle this is to have a few conversation topics picked out ahead of time.
The weather, your new favorite song, a movie that you would like to see, it can be nearly anything.
It's difficult to come up with topics in the middle of an awkward silence. Choosing them ahead of time makes the conversation flow and improves your confidence.
Overcoming Social Awkwardness
Being aware of the signs listed above and knowing how to change them will help with social awkwardness.
However, there are other things you can do as well
- Lead an active lifestyle
- Develop confidence
- Remember girls are people too
Lead an Active Lifestyle
Leading an active lifestyle will give you plenty of opportunities to meet new people.
It improves confidence, allows you to practice social skills, and gives you interesting conversation topics.
Activities that you enjoy are a great way to meet women naturally, and conversation should come easier.
Check out Meetup!
You'll find groups centered around many different activities and interests.
Choose activities that you enjoy. Don't do something just to meet women.
Find activities that you truly enjoy and let meeting women be a side benefit.
Take a class. Learn to do something you've always been interested in, or improve your skills with your favorite past time.
Confidence is the key to getting a girlfriend and life in general. Unfortunately, you really can't fake confidence.
Confidence is based on feelings, not facts. When you are confident, you feel it. It colors every single interaction you have, with yourself and others.
Unfortunately, not being confident will affect every interaction as well.
Low confidence creates undesirable behavior, which leads to undesirable results, which leads to even lower confidence.
Building confidence takes time, but at its core, it's about knowing who you really are and being able to accept that.
No one is perfect, and rational confident people know they aren't. However, they are aware of their strengths and their weaknesses.
Be aware of strengths and weaknesses.
Choose goals, both large and small.
Stop negative self talk.
They are proud of their accomplishments, and manage their weaknesses to the best of their ability. They are always moving toward their goals.
To begin building confidence, write a list of your strengths and weaknesses. When you think of more, add them to the list.
Then write down a list of goals.
You'll want some small easy to achieve goals as well as big long term goals.
Each goal you achieve, big or small, will improve your confidence. As your confidence improves, your social skills will likely improve as well, and vice versa.
Lastly, stop negative self talk. When you find yourself talking negatively, stop and consider if what you are saying is valid.
If it is, write it down along with a way to change or manage it. Phrase it as positively as possible.
Example: Your always late
Write down the problem: I sometimes find it difficult to be on time.
And write down the goal: I will begin getting up 15 minutes earlier each morning so I can be on time.
Once it's written down, it's time to stop dwelling on it. Don't beat yourself up about it. Shift your thoughts to what you are doing to change it.
If you find that the negative talk is not valid, replace it with a positive thought about yourself.
Over time, your self talk has a huge impact on your confidence, for better or worse. This method allows you to be aware of issues that you have without damaging your confidence.
Girls are not from Mars. They aren't mysterious mythical creatures. They are just people.
If you get particularly shy or awkward around women, try to interact with them as you would a man.
This doesn't mean burping or telling lewd jokes. It means using the same relaxed and comfortable attitude that you have around members of the same sex.
Ok. Let's review. No, you probably won't get a girlfriend if you are socially awkward. You can get a girlfriend if you are willing to work on being socially awkward.
Self improvement is something we should all strive for every day. Be aware of your weaknesses. Accept them but don't accept that you can't change.
The power is within you. You are not simply who you were yesterday. You are not who your friends say you are. You aren't even who you think you are.
At the end of the day, you are who you choose to be. Each seemingly insignificant choice adds up to compile a picture of your true self.
Social awkwardness can be overcome. You can get the girl. You just have to work for it.
Do you struggle with being socially awkward. How do you deal with it. Let us know in the comments.