Is it ok? Not really. Does it happen? Yes it does.
It isn’t a sign of a healthy and trusting relationship between you and your partner. It doesn’t show your dedication or passion, only your insecurity.
Stalking can happen to varying degrees. Serious stalking is actually a psychological problem that creates a compulsive need to stalk.
Stalkers have many motivations, but most of them are a desire for power and control at a very basic level.
Stalker vs. STALKER
We’ve all been guilty of a little stalking at some point in our lives, particularly with the ease of doing so on social media.
Checking your ex’s Facebook, obsessing over your girlfriend’s Instagram likes, or scouring her friend’s list for possible competition, is certainly considered stalker behavior.
If your stalking is beginning to interfere with your day to day life, then it may qualify as STALKING.
If you can’t focus on your tasks, are taking time off work to stalk, or don’t have time for others or hobbies due to stalking, things have gone too far.
Is Stalking Really A Problem?
Most people have probably stal
ked someone at some point.
Stalking is a problem if:
- it’s causing you to fight with your girlfriend
- interfering with your day to day activities
- it’s causing you to distance yourself from your girl
The motivations behind stalking are just as problematic as the behavior itself, if not more so.
In many cases, your girlfriend may be annoyed by the behavior, but the underlying feelings can cause serious damage to your relationship.
Jealousy is a common motivation for stalking. It’s easy to misinterpret things in real life, and easier to do so online.
When you send a smile or wink emoji for example, it could be seen as friendly or flirtatious.
The truth is there are no hard and fast rules about what’s flirting and what isn’t. What feels flirty to one person can feel friendly to another.
Common Stalking Motivation
- Lack of trust
- Feeling excluded
- Desire for control
You are much better off deciding if you can trust her or not than trying to determine if she is flirting, unless it is unmistakably obvious.
Lack of Trust
Lack of trust is often the cause of jealousy. If this is the case, you’ll need to sort out why you don’t trust her.
Has she given you reasons not to trust her?
Are you slow to trust because of past bad experiences with others?
Deciding what’s behind your lack of trust requires a little self reflection, but it is necessary to handle it properly.
If you can’t trust her because of something she’s done, you should consider moving on or talking about it and trying to move past it together.
If it’s your issues, don’t take them out on her. Own your shit and work on it. Don’t lose a good relationship due to your baggage.
It is my belief that nothing awakens our inner green eyed jealousy monster quite the way insecurity does. It can be insidious.
It whispers in your ear causing you to doubt what she says. It can cause all sorts of irrational behavior, including stalking.
The worst part is that when you are insecure, it’s extremely difficult to admit it. Being able to admit to your faults requires a degree of security you don’t have.
You tell yourself that there must be something wrong with them.
However, what you really mean is there must be something wrong with them for them to want me.
So, you search for any scrap of evidence that will confirm what you already believe.
This is a destructive pattern that can be hard to recognize in yourself. If you realize after the fact that you overreacted or sabotaged past relationships, insecurity may be the root issue.
Desire for Control
This type of stalking can go beyond what is often considered relatively benign (constantly checking your girlfriend’s facebook feed) to something more serious (having to know where she is at all times).
It can begin as benign and progress into something more healthy, or even scary as well.
Control can be as addicting as a drug, and you may find your need and desire for it only grows the more you obtain.
Instead of spending your time stalking, you should spend the time reflecting on why you feel the need to be in constant control.
These are issues that need to be worked out if you want your relationship to have a chance of working out.
These five motivations can be very interconnected. For example, you may feel a desire for control due to insecurity. You may jealous due to a lack of trust.
Oftentimes, 2 or more of these issues mingle together to create a desire or drive to stalk.
If you are stalking your partner, or anyone else for that matter, it’s time to begin to change things. Starting with working on the issues that caused the stalking in the first place.
Stalking is never ok and sooner or later it will destroy your relationship if it continues. No one wants to be stalked online or off.
Despite what romantic comedies show, it’s not cute. It’s not romantic. And it’s not healthy.
Have you ever been stalked or stalked someone? How far did you go? Let us know in the comments!