Ejaculating too soon? We’re here to help you avoid that.
I know all too well that awkward moment after sex when, despite it being fantastic for both parties, the fun ends much sooner than we wanted it too. If a lot of guys are honest, they’ll admit to it as well. In fact, according to The Journal of Scientific Medicine, as quoted in Women’s Health, 30% of men are dissatisfied with the length of time they have sex.
Ejaculating Too Soon
With any luck, she just laughs off the awkwardness as the two of you engage in pillow talk followed by round 2 several minutes later. Or, in a worst-case scenario, she looks up at you in disbelief and says, “that’s it?” or something similar. You can either quickly put your clothes on in a nervous rush and hurry out the door as you wipe the encounter from your memory or slowly put your clothes on and bask in the glow of your recent orgasm because who cares, you got yours.
Average Amount of Actual Intercourse
Unless it was a stellar couple of minutes, she’s unlikely to call you up for another romp in the hay. Especially if you have the “who cares” attitude. But the truth is, most women don’t want to have sex for a half-hour and if we’re honest with ourselves, most guys don’t either. We’re all about the finale.
Despite that, we can’t help but wonder about the average amount of time people have sex. Now, this must be qualified first: oral sex, manual stimulation, heavy petting, these are things that most of us don’t have too much trouble with in terms of staying power.
Furthermore, these acts are essentially foreplay and as such, are not relevant in a calculation of how long intercourse lasts. This means we would be calculating actual penetration. And the magical number is, according to Maxim, approximately 5.4 minutes
That’s not a long time and it’s far from hours of sex or even a half-hour. But if done properly, that almost 5-and-a-half minutes can be amazing.
Ejaculating Too Soon: Medical Definition
Yes, there is a medical condition for ejaculating too soon but you don’t have it. Well, you probably don’t have it but you’ve heard of it. It’s called premature ejaculation. According to the Mayo Clinic, it’s defined as regularly or always reaching orgasm in one minute or less. Furthermore, a sufferer of actual premature ejaculation as a medical condition would be unable to delay ejaculation by any non-medical means.
Biological factors leading to or causing premature ejaculation can be either psychological or biological. Examples of psychological can include a poor body image, depression or self-induced anxiety about the premature ejaculation. Biological factors could include abnormal levels of hormones and/or brain chemicals.
There are oral medications you can take to help with the problem but the medicine was not specifically designed to address the concern of premature ejaculation, rather the underlying effect. These medications are antidepressants, analgesics, and phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors, the best known of which is V, intended to address erectile dysfunction, not premature ejaculation though it does have a positive effect.
For those of us that are lucky enough to not actually have a medical condition and just want to please our ladies a bit longer, there is plenty that we can do to address the problem ourselves.
Making Foreplay Count
I know what you’re thinking. To use a baseball metaphor, foreplay is like being on deck. You’re only there because you have to be in order to go to the batter’s box. Nobody hit a home run while they were on deck.
But consider this – foreplay isn’t for you. It’s for both of you. Here are the key areas of foreplay where you can make it count.
- Body – Engage all parts of her body with all of your body. You already know that you need to kiss and caress but we often overlook sheer body contact as a method of foreplay. The feeling of skin on skin is a very strong stimulator. Also, don’t forget about her hands. Holding her hands at any point during foreplay or sex is very sensual. Often overlooked body parts also include the underarm and back of the neck.
- Fingers – Gradually get to the point of manually stimulating her clitoris with your fingers. Few women actually enjoy having your finger inside of them and there are literally no women who want your fingers anywhere near her clitoris or vagina unless she is already stimulated to the point of being wet. And yes, to a large extent, getting her to that point is your responsibility. But once she is wet, with practice, and with her help, using your fingers properly can be a very important part of your foreplay. Remember that the clitoris is very sensitive so gentle, circular motion is a great start but pay attention to how she responds to determine if you’re doing it right.
- Tongue – If you don’t love doing this, then you’re in trouble. You’re in trouble because your partner loves having it done to her. There is no better way to make her forget that sex lasted for two minutes than performing oral sex for a half hour. That’s not to say that it is an adequate substitute, but it helps. Given that “80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help,” furthermore, “vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone,” according to Woman’s Day.
Having Sex That Lasts And Avoiding Ejaculating Too Soon
Now that you’re prepped and know a little about some lady-pleasing foreplay, during which she hopefully reached the big O, it’s time to hit a home run. But, even if you have taken our advice regarding foreplay that’s not going to make you last any longer during intercourse. In addition not worrying about it too much and enjoying the moment, here are some tips for sex that lasts.
- The 7 and 9 Method – According to Men’s Health, this technique is good because it gives you more control plus establishes a rhythm, which can help her reach orgasm. Basically, it’s 7 quick “pumps” followed by 9 slow “pumps” and repeat until hopefully both of you finish.
- Positioning – According to com, because your erection is essentially blood flowing through your penis, harnessing the effects of gravity can help to delay your orgasm. This is most-effectively achieved with your penis pointing downward.
- Breathing – Something as simple as a deep breath can help delay orgasm. The next time you are having sex and find yourself nearing orgasm, take a deep breath. It helps to refocus on what you’re doing and acts as a sort of reset.
- Switch It Up – variation is usually a good think when it comes to your sex life and this can include where you have sex. If you’re in the bedroom and about to cum, suggest that you take the fun to the kitchen or somewhere else in the house. This gives you a moment to come down from the peak and adds a little variety. Just don’t overdo it.
- Communicate – Perhaps the most important of all the methods is to communicate with your partner. If you consistently have sex, she has probably picked up on some clues that indicate where you are on your orgasm journey but it helps to verbalize. Be sure to listen to her as well. You may be ready to switch it up in an effort to delay your orgasm just to find out she’s also close. That’s the wrong time to switch it up.
How To Avoid Ejaculating Too Soon Tip: Practice and Pre-Game
- Kegels – If you’re familiar with Kegel exercises, you probably think they’re only for women but you are mistaken. Kegel exercises can help men control their orgasm but it takes practice. This will help you last longer and avoid ejaculating too soon. To do Kegel exercises, squeeze the pubococcygeus muscles, as if you were trying to stop the flow of urine. Hold it for 10 seconds and repeat 4 more times. Do this daily.
- Edging – This will require you to manually stimulate yourself, or if you have a particularly supportive partner, ask them to manually stimulate you. Though, to be fair, this can actually be done during sex but it can be frustrating for your partner. However, it may be that it’s more effective when you’re alone to truly understand where you are in your orgasm. Bring yourself to the edge of orgasm without actually cumming then stop for a few seconds and repeat the exercise.
- Dom’s advice – There’s a scene in the movie There’s Something About Mary where Dom, played by Chris Elliot, advises Ted, played by Ben Stiller to “choke the chicken before a big date.” This is surprisingly sane advice. It helps to ease nervousness and, as you already know, round 2 always lasts a little longer.
If all else fails, there are various extended pleasure condoms and topical creams but both can numb sensation to the point of not being able to become erect or maintain your erection and if there is one thing that is worse than ejaculating too soon, it’s not getting hard at all or losing the erection halfway through.
Skip the super thick condoms and numbing creams and focus on the foreplay and methods of having sex if you want to avoid ejaculating too soon. Most importantly, communicate with your partner. She wants the sex to last longer than a couple of minutes and so do you. Discuss nonverbal cues that she may have already picked up on.. Use these cues so she knows to dial it back just enough to delay your orgasm until you’re both ready for the fireworks.