Finding the Right Dating Site
There are so many online dating services these days that it can be difficult to choose the right one. Which one is best for you will depend on your needs and preferences. Niche sites are great if you have a specific interest.
However, they have a smaller userbase. You’ll also want a site that fits your intentions. If you are looking for hookups, you don’t want to be on a site that is more marriage focused.
You’ll also want to consider whether you are willing to pay for a premium site. Generally speaking, premium sites save you time and free sites save you money.
Lastly, think about the style of dating site you prefer. Do you want quick and minimal like Tinder? Extensive profiles like Match and eHarmony? Do you want curated matches, or do you prefer to conduct your own searches?
Niche sites have the advantage of giving you at least one thing in common. This can make it easier to find someone that you are interested in. However, they also have less members than mainstream sites.
Niche sites are a good idea if it is extremely important to you. For example, if you will only date someone of a specific religion or ethnicity, then choosing a site that caters to what you are looking for is a good idea.
If your niche is something you enjoy but not something you have to have in a partner, you will probably be better served on a mainstream site.
I recommend using 2-3 dating sites. One free site like Ok Cupid, one paid site like Match.com, and one niche site that fits with your interests or desires are a good guideline.
The most important thing is that being on different sites gives you a larger userbase. It allows you to see and be seen by many more people than you would on one site. You will want to prioritize them, however. Devote the most time to the one that you feel you have the greatest chance of success with.
Both premium and free dating sites can be effective. Generally, they offer the same basic dating site features.
Many free sites offer paid options as well. Some of these, like Badoo, are difficult to be successful with if you don't pay for upgrades so you are visible.
Other sites like Ok Cupid and Tinder work well for free even though they offer paid options.
The bottom line is that premium sites attract daters who are serious enough to spend money to find what they are looking for. You are less likely to find people who are just there for a laugh or to waste time.
Premium sites essentially weed out some of the less desirable elements which saves you time. On the other hand, most free sites are effective if you are willing to spend some extra time weeding through profiles.
Your looking for a hookup. Why not skip all the relationship minded people you find on a mainstream site?
There are more people on mainstream sites, which gives you more opportunity. There are also many people who are open to a hookup, even if their long term goal is to find a serious relationship. There are also women who don't feel comfortable on hookup sites even if that is what they are looking for.
Using a hookup site is more straightforward. You won't have to browse through profiles and try to decode what they are looking for.
However, it can be worth it given how much bigger the member base is on mainstream sites.
Eye Catching and Effective Profiles
There are numerous ways to write an engaging profile. Two truths and a lie is one example. You write two truths about yourself and one lie, and ask whoever reads your profile to guess which is the lie. This is a great way to break the ice and pique her curiousity. It should be done with a sense of humor, with the lie being obvious like “I’m president of a fortune 500 company” or “I traveled back in time from 2247”.
Another fun profile is favorite things list. You can use My five favorite things are as your headline, then list them for your profile.
The fake review profile takes a bit more work, but it is an attention grabbing and creative. For this one, you say “I’m no good at writing about myself, so I asked my friends for reviews.” Then you write fake reviews of yourself. Your 6th grade teacher, your dog (or other pet), and your mom are great places for the “reviews” to come from.
To take a professional and flattering profile picture:
- Avoid selfies.
- Dress in something you would wear on a casual date.
- Don’t wear a hat or sunglasses.
- Look away from the camera.
- Don’t use a picture with other people in it for your main photo.
- Be aware of your background.
Take a few different photos, preferably with different angles and lighting. Ask friends and family for opinions on which one is the most flattering.
Once you have your main profile picture, add 2-4 more pictures. You’ll want one action shot and one full body shot in your profile.
The short answer here is no. If you are looking for a serious relationship, the answer is definitely no. If you just want to hookup, you could get away with a little dishonesty. Just remember regardless of your intentions if she finds out you are lying it will likely ruin your chances with her.
If you choose to lie about anything, it should be one that you can pull off. Lying about your physical appearance is pointless because you will be found out as soon as you meet in person.
Revealing photos or photos of her partying are one suggestion that a girl wants to hookup.
You should also look for kewords including:
- new experiences
These indicate that she is likely looking for a hookup. If she clearly states that she isn't looking for a hookup in her profile, just ignore it. She just doesn't want to appear easy.
Looking for friends is another signal. Women will say they are looking for friends when what they really mean is friends with benefits.
Be original and creative. You are better off creating an attention grabbing profile that will appeal to some but not all women than something boring that won't stir any strong feelings one way or the other.
Let your personality shine through. Remember that your profile isn't a job resume. The only job of your profile is to get women to want to know who you are, not to know who you are by the time they finish reading it.
What You Should Know About Messaging
One of the best ways to get more messages is to have a great profile and photos. Sending lots of messages will also increase the amount of messages that you receive. However, quality is much more important than quantity. When you are sending messages, take the time to craft good messages.
The goal of your first message is to get the other person interested in talking to you. You want to get their attention and make them want to reply. You should always read their profile before you send them a message. The simplest way to craft an opening message is to include something you found interesting in their profile and ask them a question.
“Hi. My name is (insert name). I noticed that you like to (insert hobby). Question related to hobby.
“Hi. My name is Mike. I noticed that you like to travel. Have you ever been to France? I would love to see the Eiffel tower.”
This template can be used every time you send an opening message. Just use your own words and customize it each time!
This is the downside of online dating, particularly for guys. You are talking to the girl of your dreams, only to find out that she was completely fabricated.
If a beautiful woman messages you first, she is probably a catfish or a bot. If she is immediately messaging you something very flirty or sexy, she is NOT REAL.
Other red flags are:
- Only wanting to talk on the site (no phone number, social media, etc.)
- Asking for money or sensitive information
- No pictures or only one picture on their profile
- Is in or just had a major crisis (job loss, death of family member, accident)
If you notice any of these signs be on guard. One of them alone doesn’t mean that you are being catfished, but it suggests that you should proceed with caution.
The most common messaging mistake is saying "hi", "hey", "sup", "how you doin", etc.
Women get tons of these messages every day, and they have no reason to respond to them.
You can follow the opening message template or come up with your own idea, but say something that she will actually want to respond to. Literally anything other than "hey"!
It's best to get off the site by the end of your first conversation. Say "I'm not on here that often. Let's continue this conversation through text", or "I'm not on here that often. Do you have (WhatsApp, Kik, etc.)?
After a few conversations, ask her for a coffee date. If things are going really well, you can ask for a date before ending your first conversation.
Just make it something light like coffee or a drink. Lines like "Let's skip the sending messages for a week to get to know each other and actually get to know each other by getting coffee."
Do not wait too long to ask for a date. If you get her contact information during your first conversation, you should ask her for a date after a few days of chatting with each other.
Never wait more than a week to ask for a date. By then she's likely filed you into the "chat but never meet category" because you took too long to ask her out.